Matt (00:01.671)
Hello and welcome to popcorn and plot holes where each week we watch terrible movies and try to make sense of

Luciano (00:07.965)
Wow! Somebody's jaded!

Chris (00:08.75)
How dare you summarize our lives week by week?

Spencer (00:09.384)
Hey, they're not always terrible.

Matt (00:14.717)
I mean, to be fair, the movies we've watched preceding this one were all good. What did we watch last week?

Spencer (00:19.532)
We watch Madame Webb one time. This is what it does to a man. Yeah, that's the problem.

Luciano (00:22.726)
Yeah.

Matt (00:23.01)
and Morpheus. It's really movies to start with I think are the problem.

Chris (00:23.094)
Yeah

Luciano (00:28.498)
The problem is we watched three good movies in a row and now we watch this and you're

Matt (00:35.899)
I have expectations. Speaking of expectations, you should lower them, listeners, because with me, as always, I have Luciano.

Luciano (00:40.804)
Ha ha!

Wow, I see when when the expectations are low I go first. Fuck you

Chris (00:45.069)
Matt (00:49.617)
It's not like they're gonna get rise as they go to Spencer.

Spencer (00:52.266)
I think they're, they're, they're skyrocketing right now to an all time high before coming to a crashing, crashing low coming into our other host Chris.

Chris (01:02.328)
What's up? As long as you lower your expectations, someone's going to get a date behind door number one, two, three, or four. Don't go through door number four. Her cat's name is Fifi.

Luciano (01:13.743)
How am I, how was I the lowest? Fuck all of you.

Matt (01:17.083)
I - you interpreted yourself being the lowest, which by the interpretation does make you the lowest because you accepted it on yourself.

Chris (01:24.578)
Don't talk about yourself that way, you know?

Luciano (01:24.817)
No, no, no, no, no, no. I interpreted it like that because that's what you said. It's how conversations

Spencer (01:31.087)
No Luciano, I agree, you are the worst.

Luciano (01:33.595)
No, nobody asked you.

Chris (01:33.819)
Pfft, ugh.

Spencer (01:35.242)
Listen.

Matt (01:35.505)
Someone had to go first, but I did not imply that everybody after him would be better. No I didn't. No I didn't.

Luciano (01:38.299)
yes you did yes you did you didn't imply it you said it you said it

Chris (01:39.948)
So did, did Luciano activate your trap card unknowingly?

Matt (01:42.929)
This

Matt (01:46.525)
Use this is your second language. Don't fucking argue with me. Get out of here. Speaking of getting out of here. We watched Abigail the 20 is a 2023 or 2024. 2024. Kevin Durand vehicle. Will represent our Canadian brother, Kevin Durand. It's his vehicle. We'll talk more about him later.

Chris (01:50.306)
No!

Luciano (01:51.101)
Luciano (01:55.117)
Ugh.

Chris (01:59.586)
I think it's four.

Spencer (02:03.747)
vehicle. There you go, so a 2024 vehicle.

Luciano (02:03.911)
Kevin Durant.

Chris (02:05.454)
Elon Musk! Yes. Yes.

Matt (02:16.889)
Let's be positive, if at all possible, when we talk about this movie. Who... Let's see, Spencer, what's your favorite part of this movie?

Spencer (02:24.108)
Hey, I liked personally a lot. The exploding of people. I just love when people, I love, I'm a sucker for a good exploding person and this movie had it in spades and it did it well. They were satisfying explosions of people and they looked like water balloons.

Chris (02:36.419)
Huh.

Spencer (02:53.819)
bursting and that was fun.

Luciano (02:55.107)
Yes, yes they did.

Matt (02:58.653)
Spencer, what is your top three exploding persons in a movie?

Spencer (03:05.612)
Ooh, I mean, there's that, no, I mean, there's that one that everyone uses as a GIF and I always forget what it's originally from of the guy's head exploding and going inside out. From Scanners, yes, from Scanners. That's a good one. You know what? I'm going to do a shout out since we're on vampire themes of Norman Reedus exploding in Blade 2. That's a good one. That's a good one.

Matt (03:07.367)
Maybe top one if this takes too

Luciano (03:14.333)
from scanners. That is a solid one, yes.

Matt (03:16.261)
Scanners.

Matt (03:27.953)
Yep, good call.

Luciano (03:28.097)
yeah.

Spencer (03:34.838)
Give me something, give me something. I feel like I'm, there's definitely some, no, no, yeah, we can't use this movie. said other.

Luciano (03:37.425)
Well, Frank exploding in this one is a pretty good one.

Luciano (03:45.137)
Since when do you follow rules? Especially math rules.

Matt (03:46.127)
I mean, it could be as well fair.

Spencer (03:48.156)
You know what, is a little off the norm, but the T1000 exploding when he's made of ice, that was pretty cool. It's a little different. It's not really gory explosion, but it looks great.

Matt (03:58.215)
Okay, that's three and we should move on. No, it's not related

Spencer (04:02.602)
Anyone else? I was curious if anyone else would come up with any.

Chris (04:02.712)
What? Mortal Kombat. I think Mortal Kombat had a explosion. I think it was an ice explosion. Sub -Zero. Ice exploded somebody.

Luciano (04:11.096)
yeah, yeah, yeah, it did, it did, yeah.

Matt (04:13.137)
Like in the new Mortal Kombat or the original?

Chris (04:16.28)
feel like the answer is both.

Matt (04:18.375)
That's probably correct. We're moving on. Luciano, what did you like about this movie?

Luciano (04:23.461)
liked Peter, Kevin Durant's character. It was

dumb, he knew he was dumb and he made the best of it and he made it funny. It's like hilarious. Like the fact that he took that long to understand that his name wasn't actually Peter. It was just a reference to the Rat Pack. It took him half a movie. I was like, fucking this man, what a gem. I really enjoyed his character. So yeah, that's my favorite thing about this movie, probably.

Matt (04:57.551)
All right,

Spencer (04:57.76)
What did you like about him? I am from wherever I need to be from. My accent is all encompassing. It is everywhere.

Luciano (05:00.261)
We don't talk about that. Not yet. Man, can you imagine if Peter was played by Christopher Lambert instead of Kevin Durant? That would have been something.

Chris (05:00.462)
Yeah

Matt (05:01.42)
Hey Christopher, Christopher Lambert and you're now from Quebec.

Chris (05:04.302)
I am from I am from whoever pays me

Spencer (05:15.798)
Alright Christopher, in this movie you're playing a Swede. Okay, I will play a Swedish man. Hello, I am from Sweden.

Chris (05:21.134)
Yeah

Luciano (05:21.873)
No!

Now he'll do the loop. Hello, I am from Sweden. That's it. That was the extent of his accent.

Spencer (05:31.242)
way too far. too much acting in that. You're playing an 18th century British man. Okay. Hello.

Luciano (05:32.957)
Too much method acting for Christopher Lambert.

Matt (05:32.957)
I also don't think he would go that far.

Chris (05:40.492)
You put some respect on Christopher Lambert's name. He's a national treasure. Yes.

Luciano (05:41.635)
Okay, I am British!

Matt (05:45.179)
In Christopher Lambert's defense, Sean Connery really didn't try to hire the Spanish accent either. Yeah.

Luciano (05:49.425)
That is to play an Egyptian man named Ramirez.

Chris (05:49.718)
See?

KER

Matt (05:55.533)
There was

Chris (05:55.678)
Juan Villalobros Ramirez from Egypt. every man.

Luciano (05:57.789)
From Egypt.

Luciano (06:03.003)
That is true.

Matt (06:04.487)
See every man. Chris, what did you like about Abigail?

Chris (06:06.124)
Yes, Abigail, the movie Abigail for me was a really great vehicle for for quick logic. So in the beginning, after they get like they pull off the heist and they go to the new house and then Frank finds out that it's that like it's Lazar, that it's the it's Lazar's kid that they took. He's like, no, I'm done. That was the quickest bailout I've ever seen. And I was I was like, this is great. Yes. Get the fuck

Spencer (06:30.858)
Yeah, it really sold how scary Lazar is without even showing a character. Like that they're that quickly like, like even when he tells everyone else, all like, yeah, we're definitely all out. No one's like arguing to stay really until they really can't get

Luciano (06:32.935)
This man is a survivor.

Chris (06:35.97)
Yes! Yes! You're like, no.

Chris (06:43.948)
And then, yeah. And then the fucking plot did a terrible piss ass job, piss coming from its ass, piss ass job, reeling them back in. For seven million a piece? Eh.

Matt (06:57.437)
Hey man, hey, hey, we haven't gone through everybody's what they liked. Yeah, this is positive. I don't think, I don't think pissing is anybody's positive. Maybe you're 75 year olds.

Spencer (07:00.756)
I thought this is your positive part, brother.

Chris (07:03.092)
I am positive, positively angry.

Spencer (07:05.215)
Yeah.

I'm positively sick of your negative attitude.

Chris (07:09.166)
It's a release. It is a release of the anger. But thank you for the question. Thank you. I'm very hurt.

Matt (07:13.807)
Anyways, we'll get back to your anger and your hurt Chris. We'll come back to it, don't worry.

I think the best part of this movie, I really enjoyed the actor who played Abigail. She did a good job of like, especially the beginning, right? Where you don't know, if you didn't watch the trailer or read anything about this movie, which is, you kind of have to spoil it otherwise no one will watch it, but she does a good job sucking everybody into the idea that she's just an eight year old girl, whatever age they say she is at. 12. Until they realize she's

Luciano (07:37.02)
That's the

Luciano (07:50.301)
Yeah, think it's 12.

Spencer (07:51.22)
I'm still a fool,

Matt (07:52.135)
playing them. mean, whatever kids until she like they figure out that she's like playing them and and and manipulating them. You know, that was really well done to bring you into the movie and then heighten how scared everybody got once a they knew they had pissed off Matthew Good's character and then was our thank you. No, we can't use that word for reasons, even though I'm pretty sure it's in the public domain,

Chris (07:53.94)
Yeah,

Chris (08:11.255)
Lazar.

Spencer (08:12.15)
Dracula.

Luciano (08:15.483)
Yeah, I can't use that word.

Chris (08:16.886)
Why not?

Luciano (08:19.117)
You should do what Castlevania did and call him Alucard.

Chris (08:22.926)
a true

Spencer (08:23.72)
even more of a copyright problem. Just throw the letters in like a jumble and call them Ladruka.

Matt (08:25.415)
That was really hard to figure out.

Luciano (08:25.829)
Yeah. Did you just figure it out? Okay. Okay.

Matt (08:31.547)
No, no, no, I knew, but like, just saying. La Ruca.

Spencer (08:38.385)
I'm La Bruca! I'm Dracula's Latino cousin! I come from Quebec!

Chris (08:39.16)
minimum.

Juan Villalobos Alumica.

Luciano (08:45.701)
I come from Romania!

Matt (08:48.029)
Don't you tell!

Chris (08:48.32)
You know.

Spencer (08:50.572)
But on your point, Matt, because I didn't know much about this movie and like I only heard is like, don't watch the trailer. So I was like, OK, I'm not going to watch the not going to watch the trailer. But I did know one thing and the one thing I knew was that it was somehow vampire related. And even if you just know that you immediately can put it together. I mean, the movie's called Abigail. So you're like, this is vampire movie. She's the title character.

Luciano (09:02.628)
Good advice.

Spencer (09:19.498)
she's going to be a vampire. And that kind of does take away from because I can imagine if this movie like just like like when we're your kids and you just like see a movie on TV and you're like, this it's kind of like like I had that experience with the from dusk till dawn when I you know, the whole first act is like like almost like a Quentin Tarantino crime movie. And I saw just on TV and I was like, this is like that's Quentin Tarantino's. It's like one of his movies I've never heard of. then like after the first act, you're like, what the fuck? And that I could see that

Luciano (09:46.752)
Yeah.

Spencer (09:49.29)
being the case in this movie if you didn't if you knew

Matt (09:52.731)
Yeah, it's so hard, right? Because you need to get people to come to the theater and if you don't tell them there's a vampire in it or what the high level story is, it's too generic to know. Is it a horror film? Is it a drama? Yeah, as long as you don't go full Terminator Genisys, you're probably okay.

Spencer (10:07.102)
Yeah, how do you even make a trailer like if it of just like the first

Spencer (10:15.668)
and showed John Connor being a robot.

Luciano (10:15.767)
was close though because it gives... yeah. In the first like two seconds of the fucking trailer too. Yeah. They did this not to that extent but this the trailer throws half of the movie away in terms of surprise, right?

Matt (10:19.217)
Yeah.

Spencer (10:31.164)
really? Yeah, I didn't I didn't watch it. But but also even knowing nothing, just because like I do that once you figure she's a vampire, you're like, why are they kidnapping this girl? And I'm like, right away, I'm like, was like, so they're like, the bait, like, like, she set it up so she could hunt them. So it's like that in the whole first this once they got to that reveal, I was like, OK, now I can like, get not know what is going to happen.

Luciano (10:46.257)
She set it up, yeah, of course. Yeah.

Matt (10:56.539)
Yeah. Yeah, I think that's that's a good point. Let's talk about the rest of this movie. There are other things that happen. There is a Chris, you talk about this in the pre show, and I think it's probably the time to talk about it. You know, behind the curtains, yeah, if we had a pay, if you had a Patreon, we could charge people zero dollars to hear this in the pre show.

Chris (11:06.616)
I hope. Yeah.

Spencer (11:13.558)
Well, behind the curtain, pre -show? Showing how the sausage gets made?

Chris (11:17.454)
Pre

Spencer (11:24.021)
That's a good idea.

Matt (11:25.071)
We need to have at least all four of us, you know, actively downloading our podcasts. We're not quite sure if we're doing that.

Luciano (11:27.975)
Ha ha

Spencer (11:28.864)
Cool. Then we can pay to listen to ourselves early? Sweet.

Chris (11:29.549)
Yeah

Matt (11:33.117)
Yeah, yeah, exactly. The fourth person has to pay for everybody. But Chris, question I want to talk about because you bring up a good point is these criminals who seem like a decent crew that gets put together, you know, they don't seem like, okay, those two that are pretty dumb, but the other ones seem like they know what they're doing. So four out of six isn't bad, is it six people? Yeah. That's a pretty high rate. It's two thirds, 66 % doing great.

Chris (11:36.599)
Ouroboros.

Chris (11:46.574)
Mm -hmm.

Chris (11:50.946)
Mmm.

Spencer (11:59.831)
mean, Meatloaf said two out of three ain't bad.

Matt (12:02.742)
Meatloaf said it, you know it's true. The question, how come they didn't know about the house that Abigail was staying in or who owned the house or like what was going on

Spencer (12:04.48)
fact.

Luciano (12:05.392)
Yes!

Chris (12:08.93)
Yeah. Yeah. I definitely feel like out of anyone in that crew, if not Frank, right. And like, and I, I believe that no one else in the crew could have not known, but the one person I believe should have stumbled onto it as they, like during like prep and then like mission go green light is, is Sammy, AKA Jesse, the, the, the tech wizard.

When she's pulling down, imagine that there has to be, I mean, like movie magic, okay, they're in the van, she's in the van with Dean, and she's working on bringing down the security defenses. I thought about it. One, you would have to see who, like what company the security, like the security measures are owned by. And two, when you're doing that work, you're gonna see a name, if not many names.

Luciano (13:04.817)
Well, I mean... I mean,

Chris (13:06.734)
It just feels too obvious in that sense.

Spencer (13:09.173)
Chris, let me just ask you question. Do you think Ladruka a fool?

Chris (13:16.789)
Ladruca? Ladruca!

Spencer (13:19.372)
Do you think?

Luciano (13:20.593)
Also known as Ruka the Lad.

Spencer (13:23.628)
We are ruined.

Chris (13:23.874)
Juan Villalobos, Juan Villalobos Laruca.

Luciano (13:26.526)
Warook.

Spencer (13:28.532)
Do you think, do you think he'm a fool?

Chris (13:31.574)
Why would he be a fool though? This is about

Spencer (13:33.004)
Why would he have, he's planning, well, she's planning it, right? But yeah, but like, you think that they wouldn't have aliases for all their rentals and properties? You think that they're gonna?

Luciano (13:36.861)
Well, not - it's her,

Chris (13:39.244)
Yeah, yeah,

Chris (13:47.51)
And if so, to your point, if that's the case, then it would have been negligible. That could have been something that like, while she was tearing it down, either when she was tearing it down, she could have seen it and they could have acknowledged it later on in the second mansion. And then like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What? Lazar? That's not who I came across. so was an alias. They could have done that as well. So I hear you.

Luciano (13:48.359)
They would have to have them, right?

Luciano (13:59.188)
yeah, they could have.

Spencer (14:14.418)
I mean, I think he's like an in the movie. He's like the biggest crime lord, right? In the city. Yeah, he's the biggest crime lord in cityville. And, I think, I think to do that, he must have layers upon layers of, of secrecy and aliases. think that's safe to assume.

Chris (14:20.653)
Luciano (14:21.091)
In insert CD here.

Matt (14:23.739)
Yeah, there are... Yeah.

Luciano (14:26.37)
Hahaha!

Matt (14:36.433)
I mean, think, yeah, think, think the thing this movie does well, but if you think about it for a second, you start to unspool like Chris has here is you just jump into the mission, right? They don't, it's, yeah, it's not a heist. It's not like a lead up to the heist. It's just like, we're heisting right now. This is happening. And because, yeah, because, because those reveals later on are more enjoyable than the movie if you, if you learn about them later, but also, you know, we're extrapolating a lot of assumption

Luciano (14:47.921)
Which is a good thing for the most

Spencer (14:53.248)
That's not like we're putting together a team.

Matt (15:05.287)
how much prep time and what they did to plan for the mission. We know that Lambert did kind of say, don't share any information. And so you wonder how much Lambert shared with them other than show up like, you know, each part of the group. looked like they just met each other the night of kind of, right?

Spencer (15:18.516)
Yeah, no, maybe no questions. Yeah.

Luciano (15:22.543)
And also like, obviously this was like an inside, the definition of an inside job, right? So like if, if they were setting up, he would have set up in a way that you couldn't discover who it was anyway. I agree with you, Chris, like they could have mentioned something, right? She could have like, Sammy could have said, no, I went in, I looked at who the house was in, like whose name was in the house and all that stuff. And it wasn't Lazar or whatever. Are we supposed to kill his puppy? I'm out.

Chris (15:44.77)
Yeah. Yeah. Correct. I'd like

Spencer (15:45.517)
This is Keanu Reeves' house.

Spencer (15:51.308)
It's Keanu fucking Reeves!

Luciano (15:51.941)
I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.

Chris (15:54.156)
And to walk back my, right, and to walk back my own point, if I follow the rest of your thinking, when they reveal the backstories for each crew member later on, and they talk about, like when Abigail's in the elevator and she talks about Sammy Jesse, and she rattles off all these different things that she's done, at that point, that rap sheet, to me, makes it even harder to swallow.

this idea of her not having discovering something based on all of her prowess from previous jobs. But at the same time, here's the point, we learned that she's in it for the thrill, in it for the kicks. So perhaps she doesn't like to think things too far through. And

Luciano (16:38.779)
Well, I mean, we see in the movie that she doesn't really think too

Spencer (16:42.688)
But also Chris, just to further destroy your point, she is the only one of the crew who didn't even know who Lazar was. So if she saw his name, she wouldn't think anything of

Luciano (16:51.601)
That is true,

Luciano (16:55.722)
Well, that would have been funny like yeah, that's the name I saw I thought it was a funny name that would been cool. Yeah Who's called Christoph these days?

Chris (16:59.586)
Yeah. Yes.

Spencer (17:00.535)
Yeah

So, so stick that in your corn cob. Yeah. So shove it.

Matt (17:10.664)
Got him. I mean, it's an interesting question because like, I would argue that there's a potential that if, like in the circle of people, which is an interesting circle, is it better for, for Lazar to put his name on these buildings in the sense that like, it's a house, right? So nothing nefarious goes on there, but like, no, but if his name instills fear, why wouldn't you just say that's my house? Or this is a house I have protected because anybody who's smart enough or anybody who would try to rob from me would know.

Luciano (17:28.305)
Probably not.

Matt (17:41.137)
to stay away potentially,

Spencer (17:42.4)
Like if he was actually living there then maybe but the goal of this is to kill the people who are doing the job so they would want their names as far away as possible,

Luciano (17:42.757)
Yeah, but

Luciano (17:48.1)
Yeah.

Matt (17:49.053)
So this is this is the thing you're like you're like overthinking because you know what happened to these people in the end result, right if so

Spencer (17:58.26)
No, I'm saying, - Lazar - No, it's like, if you're gonna plan a murder of six people, you're gonna not put your real name on the house where the crime scene was.

Luciano (17:59.794)
I don't think it's overthinking. I think it makes sense.

Luciano (18:07.611)
Yeah, especially if your name is going to make them run away from your plan.

Matt (18:08.786)
Why?

Spencer (18:10.956)
because then the police will look into

Matt (18:13.137)
Look into what?

Chris (18:14.04)
How would the police look into

Luciano (18:16.714)
Why are you guys talking about the police even? He wanted to attract them, right? If they found out it was Lazar, even worse, why would you put his name there, right, on the house?

Matt (18:22.097)
Well, he didn't want to do anything, it was his daughter, but...

Chris (18:24.088)
His daughter.

Spencer (18:24.917)
Bye -bye.

Matt (18:29.125)
Right. I'm just compositing in general as a crime lord. Would you care? Right? Right, like yes you might not put it on there because you want to be kidnapped and to murder everybody, but just in general. Yeah. Anyways.

Luciano (18:33.528)
I mean, I'm sure.

But in other things you should, yeah, yeah, you should.

Spencer (18:40.812)
Listen, if you're a crime lord, you keep your name off the paperwork so you don't get tied to any crimes. That's just standard crime lordy 101.

Matt (18:46.981)
Right, you put your name on things where no crime happens and you want people to fuck off.

Luciano (18:51.677)
Yeah. You protect your real assets. But the flip side of this is, you know, the same house being owned by the same person for like 300 years is sort of a problem. If you want to hide the fact that you're a vampire.

Spencer (18:51.808)
That's true. If it's a legal operation that came, you know, then you want to tie to like Elon Musk and Twitter.

Matt (19:07.431)
I mean, we've gone too far. You're thinking too hard. This movie didn't apply that level of logic to itself. It's been a fair conversation, but I don't think we need to apply any deeper than we already have.

Spencer (19:09.516)
It's it's it's sus is all it is.

Luciano (19:15.003)
That is fair.

Chris (19:21.432)
We've reached a threshold.

Matt (19:22.801)
We have reached a threshold, which you have to ask for permission to come in in most vampire movies, but not this one, apparently. If you bring her over the threshold yourself, you're guilty, or it's her house so she can come in the threshold.

Chris (19:34.464)
It's it might be her house. That might be why.

Luciano (19:36.631)
I actually liked that, you know, they try to use garlic and she picks up the garlic and like sniffs

Chris (19:42.22)
is but it was but I thought it was so wait no they they eliminated that it was onions which was funny at first and then they found garlic yeah and then when she stabbed Peter with the with mini crucifix many times she was yes

Luciano (19:50.461)
And then she got the actual garlic, yeah.

Spencer (19:53.9)
I mean, I get.

Luciano (19:57.149)
Yeah, that was funny like death by a thousand cuts.

Spencer (20:01.846)
I mean, I get being stupid, but not knowing what a garlic is?

Luciano (20:06.585)
If she is like a really like a daddy's girl, like Abigail, you know, says she is, probably never even gone into the actual kitchen to see what's going on

Chris (20:07.756)
Mistaking an onion for garlic.

Chris (20:18.854)
comes from money.

Luciano (20:19.773)
Think you're underestimating how stupid Sammy was, like with general things.

Matt (20:24.763)
Yeah, I think you're missing Sammy's intelligence level being very low. Very good at computers, nothing else.

Luciano (20:30.555)
Exactly,

Spencer (20:33.312)
I'm like that except I don't have computer skills.

Matt (20:36.059)
Well, speaking of computer skills, think this is a good time for us to have our little segment we like to call, I'm actually Luciano. Hey, I'm actually Luciano. What did you think of the hacking?

Chris (20:45.634)
Doodly doodly. Doodly doodly. Doodly.

Luciano (20:47.457)
God. It's like, I don't know why I do this to myself every time, but every time there's code in movies, I pause to see what they show on the screen. And it's, and it's always some dumb shit. At least this time it wasn't just like an HTML page, like, like someone right clicked on a page and went like show source and it's just a bunch of tags, but like it's nothing made sense.

Chris (21:07.278)
Hello world.

Luciano (21:15.195)
I know why they insist on going clickety clack, clickety clack, clickety clack and like a billion windows open up on the screen. And I know. And also I'm supposed to believe someone who doesn't know what a fucking onion is can hack something? Come

Spencer (21:30.12)
That's... it's possible.

Luciano (21:32.477)
Don't you make my point back at me!

Chris (21:32.846)
She's...

Spencer (21:34.742)
Don't you... How many programs require the knowledge of what an onion is?

Luciano (21:40.507)
Well, do you really want to meet to get nerdy or not? Probably not. Let's leave it alone. Yeah. Okay.

Matt (21:42.701)
No, no, this has been I'm actually with Lucy. We're out of here.

Spencer (21:45.228)
Onion,

Chris (21:45.934)
Brought to you by Werther's.

Luciano (21:50.845)
I brought to you by Worthers.

Matt (21:54.309)
Yeah, I mean, I think it's funny we have computers and we know what's happening now with computers. I think the Matrix did it best when it was just squiggly lines that melted down a page. It's magic. Don't worry about

Luciano (22:02.297)
Yes. Just like make it magic. Make it magic. Yeah. Yeah. The only thing, the only like action, live action thing I've ever seen that did something this well was Mr. Robot. That was legit.

Spencer (22:04.214)
Genius ahead of its time

Spencer (22:16.824)
You guys should do yourself a

Matt (22:17.201)
I think

Chris (22:20.12)
Whoa. I think we tripped on a matrix cable. You're muted.

Luciano (22:23.256)
What was that?

Matt (22:25.265)
We broke Spencer.

Luciano (22:29.529)
Now we can't hear you at all.

Matt (22:31.639)
You're muted. Cool tech Spencer.

Luciano (22:33.095)
He's not... I don't think he's muted muted. I think his mic just stopped working.

Matt (22:38.193)
Is your mic plugged in?

Chris (22:42.798)
Curse the Kipikwa

Matt (22:43.837)
I can see you, yeah. I can't hear you. No, no, no. Yeah, is your it? I bet you, now we can't see him.

Chris (22:46.594)
We can see you, but no, we can't hear.

Luciano (22:48.519)
Can you hear us? Can you hear us? Okay. We can't hear you.

Chris (22:51.64)
can hear us okay. no! he's been up here his house has been penetrated. He's been he's being abducted. That's what happens. You see first okay you're alive.

Luciano (22:59.971)
it's the crew's there.

Matt (23:03.495)
John.

Spencer (23:07.164)
It said recording uploaded.

Chris (23:09.102)
Okay.

Matt (23:09.487)
It's, yeah, on my end it said Spencer's thing is going to continue on a new track.

Luciano (23:14.525)
fun.

Matt (23:15.591)
Yeah.

Chris (23:16.686)
Yo, everything is happening to your feed Spencer, tonight.

Matt (23:19.805)
Let's, okay, so let me write this down. On my clock, oh, there it goes. Yeah, you're uploading again. You're at 57%. Because you said stuff. Time stamp is time stamp 20. Did you intentionally robotize yourself, Spencer? Okay.

Spencer (23:20.49)
Thank

Spencer (23:29.94)
very confused.

Spencer (23:35.668)
I didn't do anything. My computer just.

Luciano (23:36.707)
It was funny as fuck. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chris (23:39.062)
Are you still? Yeah. Are you still using the same computer as when we started the podcast? Like three years

Spencer (23:47.368)
Yeah, I don't buy new computers every year. I'm not fucking James L. Brooks.

Chris (23:54.518)
James, bro?

Luciano (23:55.771)
What?

Spencer (23:58.485)
I don't know. It takes a random name, okay? Created the sentence.

Chris (24:01.612)
But no, I thought you said Mel Brooks.

Matt (24:02.161)
James L. Brooks. Spencer, we broke off with you. Okay, so I just need you to repeat what you were gonna say and I'll get creative with your robot voice.

Spencer (24:09.939)
I can hear everything.

Spencer (24:19.006)
What was I saying? I What about the net?

Chris (24:22.121)
-huh. Internet.

Matt (24:22.661)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Spencer (24:23.784)
I, okay.

Spencer (24:28.392)
Yeah, you guys should watch The Net because talk about bad coding and stuff. That movie's like the creation of the internet and all the tech. Even I know the tech in that is ridiculous to someone with modern knowledge. Yeah, Sandra Bullock vehicle.

Chris (24:39.81)
The Sandra

Matt (24:41.553)
Yes, Sandy B.

Luciano (24:42.235)
Yeah, yeah. Have ever seen it? Yeah, it's... Yeah. No. You know when I found out it didn't age well? As I was watching it. Yeah.

Spencer (24:45.48)
Yeah, I've seen it.

Chris (24:47.97)
I mean, it doesn't age well from a tech standpoint.

Matt (24:55.203)
Yeah, it was dumb the moment it came

Spencer (24:55.656)
Yeah, it's like with technology and that it's like she's like, well, I have the internet in my pocket here and I'm taking it.

Chris (24:55.978)
What?

Luciano (25:02.887)
No, yeah, she literally like she literally upload something to the FBI just cause from a, from, from a disc or whatever.

Matt (25:08.317)
I don't know if it was Allegora that said this, but I'm going to attribute it to him. Whatever Senator said, you know, the Internet's a series of tubes, was more accurate than what the Net portrayed.

Luciano (25:17.853)
George Bush, George W. Bush, Yes, The net is to movies in that sense what NCIS is to TV shows.

Spencer (25:19.686)
You

Matt (25:32.295)
think that's a fair assessment and we're gonna move back to Abigail the movie That's what we're talking about. you know this movie It was fun overall and I want to ruin my score For the end of the episode, but you know, I think the movie one of the best parts about the movie is it Didn't seem like there was any slow point, you know There was enough lull to make the next action sequence make sense or exciting and people basically operated the way

Spencer (25:34.346)
tubular.

Luciano (25:36.598)
is that what we're doing?

Matt (26:00.965)
would based on the characters they were showing like yeah i i

Spencer (26:01.65)
Yeah, great pacing.

You know what else on that point the pacing is like, the scene where she like deduces everything.

Chris (26:15.042)
She? Which she? Okay,

Matt (26:16.295)
Joey.

Spencer (26:16.414)
where yeah, Joey like, she's like, she's like, can tell everything about you. I was like, this is a good, great way to do exposition super quick in a cool way. And I was like, take note Harvest Moon. I was like, this is how you can have five characters, like six characters, like have like an info dump in a cool way that doesn't seem trite and horribly stupid.

Luciano (26:16.487)
Joey.

Yeah, yeah, I love that scene by the

Luciano (26:29.309)
Yes, yeah. Harvest Moon, yeah.

Chris (26:30.702)
Harvest Vault? What do they do to you?

Matt (26:34.138)
What the?

Matt (26:42.535)
Wouldn't you want to see a five minute backstory of each person in slow motion? Yeah.

Chris (26:42.593)
Okay.

Luciano (26:48.517)
in slow motion like we did in Harvest Moon.

Spencer (26:48.68)
And that's the same story every time. While they all sit on one side of a table.

Chris (26:53.088)
Okay, take that back. That sounds terribly excruciating.

Matt (26:58.701)
Right? Exactly.

Luciano (26:59.344)
you didn't watch the second movie, right?

Chris (27:01.708)
What second movie? Harvest Moon? you call it Harvest Moon. You're talking about Rebel Moon. Okay. No, I didn't watch it in slow motion. I watched it in fucking 2X speed and I skipped scenes too. I did, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Luciano (27:03.227)
Yeah, did you?

Matt (27:07.013)
Rebel moon,

Luciano (27:07.675)
Yeah,

Luciano (27:11.387)
No, I mean, did you watch the second movie?

Matt (27:13.678)
Did you watch the curse of Santana? Yeah, okay. Anyways, I'm sorry you did. Let's pause right here for a second again. Spencer, you using your microphone? Your quality sounds much lower right now. I think what happened... So here's what I think would happen. It happens to me, and I don't know if it's Riverside. When you touch the mic or hit the mic, sometimes

Luciano (27:16.913)
okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry for you. Like I am for

Chris (27:23.575)
Y 'all did

Luciano (27:25.551)
Yeah, I was gonna say.

Chris (27:27.246)
It sounds different.

Spencer (27:29.46)
I didn't do anything.

Chris (27:31.331)
Poor Spencer! Things are just happening to him!

Luciano (27:37.318)
Let's switch the mic.

Matt (27:41.275)
Riverside loses the mic, the mic kind of drops off the computer and it switches to the next one. So like.

Luciano (27:43.865)
and it switches to the other

Spencer (27:48.581)
I think when it logged out it when it glitched out it just logged

Luciano (27:50.639)
No, yeah, it's not that microphone.

Chris (27:51.574)
It doesn't sound like it's coming from you at all. Not there. There it is. It's there.

Matt (27:51.921)
could have yeah yeah exactly so like anyways I would just exit the premises and come back and I should pick up your right microphone.

Spencer (27:55.026)
It's this microphone, isn't it? All right.

Luciano (27:55.738)
Yes.

Luciano (28:00.048)
and come back.

Luciano (28:06.183)
This

It was funny as shit. It's a... This... This thing here is super finicky.

Chris (28:10.478)
I thought you were trying to do a Mortal Kombat thing. Actually, that was accurate.

Matt (28:16.241)
Yeah, it is. You don't want to touch it. If you touch it, that's what kind of I think I think when he leaned back or moved sideways, he knocked it out enough.

Luciano (28:19.613)
Well, yeah, on mine, because it's just sitting there, I don't touch it at all. So it's okay. like, if you, there's a reason why nothing uses that USB -B connector, because it's shit.

Matt (28:32.987)
Yeah. Yeah, Could fucking blow his dick. In a bad way.

Luciano (28:39.261)
But blowing dick, well, depends on the meaning of blow.

Chris (28:42.382)
That sounds like a shotgun. Let's think about it from the shotgun sad point.

Matt (28:42.477)
This is the thing, this is me using my high school upbringing where gay was a slur, right? There's nothing wrong with sucking dick. I rather enjoy it having it happen to me. So am I denigrating my wife? Yeah, you gay? You like to your dick sucked? You're gay.

Luciano (28:51.206)
Right,

Luciano (28:56.824)
Hahaha!

Chris (29:00.642)
Gaaaa

Chris (29:04.588)
Here.

Luciano (29:06.141)
Wait, what about if it's a woman?

Matt (29:10.203)
Also good. Double gay. Hey Spencer, welcome back. You sound correct now. Okay, we'll start up again. We kind of just left off with Chris talking about or ending off. God, what was the point? He was ending off.

Chris (29:10.306)
You're right.

Luciano (29:14.525)
Yeah, it's much better now.

Chris (29:16.194)
That sounds different now,

Spencer (29:20.468)
Well that's gay. Gay guys do that.

Chris (29:28.383)
the logic piece the logic no

Matt (29:31.653)
No, no, no. We were talking about another movie or some other thing. Yeah. Harvest Moon. Yeah, OK. So yeah, we were talking about Roam Moon, and Kristen watched the second. So that's a perfect time to segue into something else. Thank you. OK. Let me just get the time here. OK. I think we're good to OK.

Spencer (29:33.33)
super

Luciano (29:35.111)
segue into something else.

Chris (29:35.572)
Harvest Moon.

Spencer (29:37.949)
Hi.

Good to be here.

Spencer (29:51.474)
No one knows. Some say he's still talking.

Matt (30:02.629)
Yeah, Chris, I'm sorry for your wasted time, but we need to move on from your poor choices and

Spencer (30:08.115)
Do

Luciano (30:10.205)
At least we have an excuse because we watched it to do the podcast.

Matt (30:12.486)
But wh -

Yeah, we did the Bacchus and Chris wasn't there to be found. I just wanna, I don't know how else to talk about this. Like obviously all these characters made poor choices in their lives in the sense that, you know, that's the reason they're gonna be killed by Abigail or Abigail wants to kill them. But which one made the worst choice inside once they were trapped in the mansion?

Luciano (30:40.189)
Mmm, that's a good question.

Chris (30:45.038)
was going to say Dean, but I actually going to say Peter because Peter, well, in his defense, he's dumb, he willingly, he willingly walked into into an enclosed inescapable area with someone who was bitten by a vampire.

Luciano (30:46.233)
Probably D

Luciano (30:55.62)
No!

Luciano (31:06.609)
Well, but he didn't know what was going to happen, right? The thing with Dean is they were concerned because they thought, know, Lazar's, they didn't know about the vampire thing yet, but they were like, there's Lazar has this killer who ripped off people's heads when they were hiding right before testifying against him, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to venture into the bowels of this house alone.

Spencer (31:07.421)
I

Chris (31:10.668)
Which is even worse.

Luciano (31:33.613)
that was not that was not a very i mean he wasn't smart either so he was also a fucking dick so i'm i was glad he

Luciano (31:44.667)
But they knew that they had kidnapped Lazar's daughter or so they thought. So they thought he was going to come after them. Right? Yeah. I mean, they didn't know it was going to

Chris (31:55.992)
There was still danger because Dean was decapitated by something.

Spencer (31:56.916)
Classic.

Spencer (32:01.864)
But at that point they didn't know there was any, there was no danger in the house at that point.

Chris (32:03.564)
But but what's it Sammy getting bit happened well after Dean was killed danger and by that good.

Matt (32:10.097)
Sure, but they talk about that, right? She's like, what's gonna happen? They don't know. Before she goes off with Peter on the walk, she sticks her arm in the sun. maybe it's the sun or is it

Luciano (32:13.158)
Yeah.

Luciano (32:26.53)
Yeah, it's just in life,

Chris (32:26.648)
Sunlight? Sunlight.

Matt (32:28.069)
I thought it was also like seeing someone in a shiny reflective surface, right? The sunlight? Okay. So she tries to prove that she's not a vampire.

Luciano (32:34.833)
Yeah. Also, I love that scene just as a side note where she reflects the sunlight with the thing. And I was like, it's going to burn a little bit. they explode. was like, my God. Yeah.

Matt (32:41.167)
Okay. Yeah. That explodes her.

Chris (32:42.722)
Yeah, at the

Luciano (32:51.225)
Yeah, me too, me too. Like in my head, was like, this makes no sense, but it was so cool. Yeah.

Spencer (32:55.602)
No, no, she put her arm in the sunlight.

Chris (32:58.86)
Yeah, split second reaction and action and reaction.

Matt (33:03.607)
Is that like the best death scene in the movie? Like that explosion? I think it's just pick an explosion obviously.

Spencer (33:09.35)
It fucking immediately explodes. That's what that was like. Like I was like, yes, yes. Yes.

Chris (33:11.286)
I think so. It's...

Luciano (33:11.966)
Frank's death is pretty gory and ridiculous.

Matt (33:15.315)
yeah, they like, yeah, they like amp up the amount of blood that Frank has in his body.

Luciano (33:18.045)
But not only is it like a full body, like he must have had like, I don't know, 25 liters of blood inside of him. And the explosion is so strong that it pushes both of them away from him into the corn. It's great.

Spencer (33:24.436)
Because you were hoping for a reflection.

Matt (33:31.537)
Right, yeah.

Chris (33:39.374)
True, unexpected.

Luciano (33:39.517)
True, true.

Luciano (33:43.685)
Especially from a reflection from a fucking silver tree

Chris (33:47.319)
Yes.

Luciano (33:54.183)
For Sam, you mean?

Spencer (33:57.246)
I mean, that was great, you got to give the shock value of the first explosion really sends it over because you were just like, you're just like, whoa, like I was like.

Luciano (34:02.955)
I don't know if quantumania qualifies her to be seen as a bigger actress.

Chris (34:07.096)
BIG

Spencer (34:10.694)
Yeah, I think even for a lot of like development where I was just like, I felt like they're gonna give her like an emotional death maybe or you know, like, I'm like, no, is she gonna die? Like, yeah, because also she's like, a bigger actress. So I was like, I didn't know what they're gonna do with her. And there's like, kaboom.

Luciano (34:11.291)
Yeah, that doesn't matter. Exactly.

Chris (34:11.714)
But out of all four of us, you seem to be the only one who knows about

Matt (34:19.729)
Yeah. Who Abigail?

Chris (34:22.286)
That's how forgettable your your precious Katherine Newton

Luciano (34:23.899)
No, tell me!

Matt (34:26.905)
No, I'm sorry. I was looking at Melissa Barrera, who like was the lead of Scream, the new Scream remakes, if I'm not mistaken.

Spencer (34:30.236)
She starred in the movie Freaky amongst other films, okay?

Matt (34:37.821)
Anyways.

Spencer (34:38.598)
I'm the only one who keeps up to date with pop culture. Matt, tell me everything she's in.

Chris (34:40.024)
Yeah, she, in the Heights as well.

Matt (34:43.645)
Do you want me to tell you who's in this movie? We're just fucking Googling.

Luciano (34:43.761)
No, we're not gonna wait while you fucking Google shit.

Chris (34:45.676)
No, forget Katherine Newton, who single -handedly sunk quantumania. Anyways, go on.

Spencer (34:46.662)
No, the fuckin... No,

Luciano (34:50.405)
It's not, it's not our fault. That was a, that was a team effort, Chris. They sunk it

Matt (34:50.587)
She did not single -handedly sync that movie. my God. That was a, yeah. Her, her.

Chris (34:53.181)
single

single for the purpose of re -railing. I am blaming her completely. I'm placing the responsibility solely on her shoulders.

Spencer (35:03.761)
Hold on, I'm just gonna prove my point to to these

Matt (35:05.639)
So, okay, so let's ask you a different question then so you can stop focusing on Sammy so much. Yeah, thank you. Spencer, we don't care. Who do you think was the dumbest person on this crew inside the house?

Chris (35:11.511)
I'm done.

Don't want to hear

Chris (35:25.326)
Did you just say, I thought Matt just said, I thought, I thought Matt said Caribbean for a moment and I'm like, he did not say that. Carry on. Carry

Luciano (35:26.225)
Didn't we just answer that?

Luciano (35:31.227)
What? What?

Matt (35:31.549)
What?

Spencer (35:34.91)
She was a... She was a Pokemon!

Matt (35:39.293)
Ha ha ha!

Spencer (35:39.464)
Detective Pikachu?

Luciano (35:41.213)
Strong point, strong point, strong argument.

Spencer (35:49.96)
I mean.

Chris (35:52.61)
He opened the gate. He was ready to open the gate. The elevator gate.

Spencer (35:56.06)
I you gotta go with the girl who thought that an onion was a garlic. I mean, I know she's good with computers, but...

Chris (36:06.143)
Yes, but

Spencer (36:07.496)
I mean, I think that I think that Peter comes off as dumb, but I don't think he's quite as dumb as. What was the dumbest thing Peter did or said?

Matt (36:07.631)
I think we're defending Peter because he's simple, simple dumb, and we care about him and want to protect him. But he could remember his own name or that his name was fake. That's pretty dumb.

Chris (36:12.984)
Hmm. Yeah.

Luciano (36:14.728)
Yes. He's, yeah, yeah. He's dumb, he's an idiot, but he's not an idiot.

Chris (36:18.072)
Hmph.

And that's not his fault. know? If you can't remember his name, that's not his fault. He only has so much bandwidth.

Spencer (36:21.85)
yeah, but that was like, he thought it was his one chance to live. That was more just like a, a selfish act, but that wasn't that stupid per se.

Matt (36:25.765)
Yeah

Matt (36:29.533)
He's our intermittent K -by -Koa.

Luciano (36:35.963)
Yeah, yeah.

Chris (36:40.354)
Yeah. no, George.

Luciano (36:41.137)
nice lemmy reference of Meissen, man. Yeah, nice. Rikultured,

Spencer (36:43.444)
Did he forget his name?

Matt (36:46.301)
Ha ha ha ha

Chris (36:49.223)
George!

Matt (36:50.311)
Speaking of being cultured, let's culture ourself into what they call plot holes.

Chris (36:55.649)
Okay.

Luciano (36:56.177)
What? This movie didn't have any plot holes.

Spencer (36:56.37)
He's pet a bunny a little too hard.

Matt (36:58.384)
Maybe I'll add wand.

Matt (37:02.435)
No, it was pretty tight. There's just one and you'll see it's a bit of a gripe and not a plot hole and it kind of morphs into a plot hole and we take it a certain direction. Let's start at the high level. The plot hole is the vampires that are shown in this movie. Vampires. Because it's not that they don't need to show us all the powers, but they make Abigail out to be this very powerful, frightening vampire.

Spencer (37:07.311)
yeah, yeah, thank you. My, my cement reverence. Thank you. We're cultured

Luciano (37:16.891)
Vampire.

Spencer (37:24.158)
I mean did have a lot of plot holes, it pretty fucking tight.

Matt (37:32.623)
And then, Giancarlo turns, or sorry, Lambert turns Frank, and Frank immediately eviscerates

Luciano (37:41.581)
Yeah, I think it was the fastest I've seen. It like, I'm going to turn into a vampire. OK, two seconds later kills the guy who turns him. I don't think I've ever seen that in a vampire movie or story. Yeah, it was it was super efficient.

Chris (37:42.582)
Eh.

Chris (37:53.774)
Mm -hmm.

Matt (37:57.094)
Until

Luciano (38:03.899)
What? It's not how math works.

Chris (38:06.07)
Ha ha ha!

Spencer (38:06.739)
What is this?

Matt (38:09.754)
Spencer (38:14.846)
That's a pretty quick turnaround. That's just efficient.

Luciano (38:15.023)
Okay. Yeah.

Chris (38:15.438)
Bye!

Matt (38:15.663)
That did not translate, just to work later.

Chris (38:18.602)
What kind of fractured s What kind of fractured Sith arithmetic are you trying to use?

Spencer (38:20.2)
You know what they say, when you kill a vampire, the number of vampires, remember, remains the same.

Chris (38:29.774)
I

Spencer (38:31.336)
They say they say that about murderers say when you murder somebody the number of murder when you kill a murderer the number of murderers remain the same That's it was a play it was a play on that shut up

Luciano (38:37.617)
But that's the thing, like, imagine, like, so Abigail obviously has, you vampire strength, but like, Frank can just, he almost kills her twice. And she needed, she needed Joey's help to kill her. It's so

Chris (38:48.716)
Yeah, that was strange. Very strange. Why?

Spencer (38:49.673)
What I'm trying to - Didn't he stab him in the back with a stake though? That doesn't mean he's like... Like weak, he just was stupid I guess. Maybe he's the stupidest one in the house.

Matt (38:55.889)
God.

Chris (39:02.454)
Incorrect, sir. She was able to release her, free herself from that elevator, the metal elevator. She popped that off and she's like, psych, bitch.

Spencer (39:14.484)
Well, that's no, no, it's not strange because ready? I'm going to explain to you because even though she's a vampire and even though she's 100 years old, she still is the body of a child. So.

Matt (39:28.699)
The views of Spencer do not reflect the views of the rest of us on this podcast.

Chris (39:31.341)
Yeah.

Luciano (39:31.491)
of this podcast. Yes, yes.

Spencer (39:34.472)
I didn't say she's not super strong. So if you think about it this way, when you get turned into a vampire, your existing muscles become super muscles. But if you're a child, you still have less muscles. So if they get the same amount of super muscles, the full grown man will have more super muscles.

Chris (39:38.786)
But at the same time, she's older, she's centuries older than Frank. So she should have been marinating in increasing vampire strength, shouldn't she?

Luciano (39:47.355)
Yeah, because otherwise, how does the society work, right? If you turn someone who's stronger than you to turn around and kill you, like, how does that

Chris (39:51.426)
But she's supposed to be getting stronger.

Spencer (39:56.712)
That makes so much sense and anyone who disagrees with me is literally a monster and deserves to be vampire killed.

Chris (39:57.698)
So how weak was Lambert?

Matt (40:00.605)
priority fucking week.

Spencer (40:11.726)
No, we don't know

Luciano (40:15.653)
No, she says it literally she says It takes a long time to learn the cool shit, which means you gain power No No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're overruled. You're you're

Chris (40:19.106)
confusing line.

Spencer (40:21.138)
Listen, I'll tell you, Lambert was stabbed in the back, that's a sneak attack, that has nothing to do with strength, okay? Secondly, my point stands, the longer you are as a vampire, not the more powerful strength -wise, but the more skilled you are with your abilities.

Chris (40:29.449)
Jimbo.

Matt (40:35.453)
So, the problem here Spencer is you're just applying your own internal sets of logic that you want to the movie.

What?

Chris (40:44.3)
What? Proceed. Proceed.

Spencer (40:44.456)
to learn, you can learn how to do something. Take this with Jimbrow, no, Jimbrow logic. You can learn how to do things right, but unless you have pure mass, you're not gonna be able to have the power.

Matt (40:49.041)
But the problem with this is that this is probably still plot -ful because they don't set the rules up in a way that makes sense because part of the thing you have to do when you have this movie is people come with vampire baggage like you have. Like any of us that have played Vampire of the Masked for their entire lives. Like any of us who, nobody here would be that nerdy.

Luciano (40:54.519)
Yeah.

Spencer (41:03.196)
I would like to cite Predator body mass logic. I'm sure body mass alone, that movie has power.

Luciano (41:09.789)
There's nobody here like

Matt (41:15.022)
huh. It's a... It's a... It's what I got!

Chris (41:15.992)
my God. But it's confusing still because they're like, as soon as they realize that Abigail is a vampire, like they and they're freaking out in the foyer, they're like, what do we know? And then they ramble off all the things and things, things, things, things. Strength is one of them. Right.

Luciano (41:16.773)
It's the only one I have, okay?

Luciano (41:32.559)
and none of them work except for sun.

Matt (41:32.837)
They... Yeah, yeah. So they bring you in and they obviously are trying to set up your idea that not all things work. But it just seems like when you bring in Frank, it's not... Even if you discount the idea that Frank is more powerful than Abigail, it still seems weird that he can instantly kill Giancarlo. And that kind of really opens up the plot hole of the movie. No, but like... But

Spencer (41:36.596)
Can you call that a life? It's all I've ever had.

Spencer (41:58.676)
Okay, listen.

Chris (41:59.256)
But isn't there still like that invisible barrier, like the master cannot be killed by the newbie?

Luciano (41:59.951)
But it shouldn't have worked!

Matt (42:02.3)
Yes.

Luciano (42:05.045)
Usually, yeah, usually they do that exactly for that reason. It's like, so like, imagine if Abigail, you know, turned Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Like, yeah, squish, done, right?

Spencer (42:20.52)
That was a sneak attack.

Luciano (42:24.433)
He shouldn't be able to... Of course not! Yeah.

Matt (42:27.823)
It's, he shouldn't be able to touch her, not.

Chris (42:34.284)
The Her.

Luciano (42:35.825)
Power, raw power, yes. She should be magically stronger than him because he's like century's old.

Chris (42:38.145)
mano y mano.

Matt (42:39.921)
Hey Spencer, I've steered the conversation away from Abigail and Frank. I'm trying to talk about Lambert and Frank. If Spencer is correct that a child gets child strength, which that's a whole conversation, sure. It doesn't explain, and Spencer you're gonna go train on the idea that it was a sneak attack, but the thing is, his vampires have heightened everything. He should be able to turn and prevent this.

Spencer (42:41.85)
So you're telling me that you think that if Abigail turned Dwayne the Rock Johnson and then they arm wrestled, he shouldn't be able to beat her in an arm wrestle?

Luciano (42:44.305)
Hahaha!

Luciano (42:51.671)
It doesn't explain it doesn't explain Lambert.

Spencer (42:54.516)
I'm not talking about the rules of vampirism. I'm talking about sheer power.

Chris (43:02.424)
So then Lambert would have had old man vampire

Luciano (43:02.525)
And if they

Spencer (43:03.805)
You don't know

Luciano (43:06.811)
Like.

Matt (43:07.099)
He'd have old man vampire logic and ability and skills. Yes, Christopher Giancarlo Esposito

Luciano (43:12.934)
Hahaha!

Spencer (43:14.612)
child's super strength.

Luciano (43:15.802)
Lambert.

Chris (43:16.92)
Vila Lobos

Luciano (43:21.303)
Hahaha!

Matt (43:21.853)
Exactly.

Luciano (43:26.744)
Hahaha!

Chris (43:31.414)
He just, his self confidence is through the roof. Those, those Jim Rohn and Tony Robbins tapes really helped Christopher Lambert vampire out. I'm a vampire. which you, which you will fail.

Spencer (43:33.534)
You talking about Christopher Lambert?

Matt (43:41.809)
Really?

Spencer (43:41.972)
Truly you cannot stab me in the back.

Spencer (43:47.316)
I am a vampire of unbelievable strength.

Luciano (43:49.137)
You... Do you think you can best me?

Matt (43:51.36)
You're drifting a

Spencer (43:53.544)
HUUAAA!

Matt (43:55.062)
Spencer you're drifting a little towards Christoph

Spencer (43:58.1)
They're paying off Yeah, you you cannot kill me unless you chop off my head. no

Chris (43:58.21)
Dial it back. Dial it back.

Luciano (44:01.525)
It's true!

Chris (44:05.684)
yeah. Come back to the Lambert light. Come back. Come

Matt (44:06.683)
Yeah

Luciano (44:06.855)
Yeah.

Yeah, like it doesn't make any sense because it wouldn't like why are people so afraid like yes, humans fine, but why are like why would other vampires be afraid of Lazar? Like why is Abigail working so hard to, I don't know, make him lover again, I guess that's why she does what she does. Why don't you just fucking kill him if it's so easy sneak in and kill him. Yeah.

Spencer (44:23.636)
no, I can't even do an accent of him. I mean, I can hear it. I can hear it.

Matt (44:27.889)
Yeah. It opens up so many questions into how this operates. Because why wouldn't other vampires just kill other vampires at

Luciano (44:40.655)
And why, why would Lambert say, Frank, I'm going to turn you and then you and I can go kill Abigail. Like it's like, was like, I need two vampires to kill a vampire that old.

Chris (44:57.494)
And so Abigail did, so do we know that Abigail created Lambert or was it, it Lazar? Okay, okay, okay, okay,

Luciano (45:00.241)
Good air point, yes.

Yeah, he said so. He said so.

Spencer (45:15.23)
That's a better point. That's a bingo.

Chris (45:17.58)
Yeah. And by power scaling and like power scaling, Lambert was a vampire for at least X for like for months. And it sounds like, two years. I thought it was once. Okay. So after you reached the two year mark, at some point around that range, you're able to create war vampires. So who knows what else is left in terms of the, like the, the different tiers, hence long time to do the cool

Spencer (45:20.884)
That's a good, that's a good point because.

Luciano (45:27.942)
He says two years.

Spencer (45:29.236)
So in that, by that logic, that makes more sense because if he needed him to help beat her, means, yeah, that means it's inferred that she is more powerful than Lambert at least.

Luciano (45:46.397)
And that's why this is a plot hole, right? Because she says with every word it takes a long time to learn the cool shit. But like being able to kill like a centuries old vampire apparently is something you... it comes out of the box, I guess. Yeah. I see.

Chris (46:02.328)
Doesn't take that much. Day one.

Matt (46:06.237)
It is not cool shit being able to kill.

Luciano (46:16.859)
Venterism.

Chris (46:18.926)
of onboarded vampires.

I told you not to fuck with me and that I would know. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Yeah. What? That's what he said.

Luciano (46:28.283)
What's that? Who was that?

Spencer (46:31.899)
Now, we were just missing out on the good old fashioned natural ability. Maybe he's like the Michael Jordan of vampiring. Yeah, maybe Frank was just a natural gift to be a vampire.

Matt (46:33.085)
Chris?

Luciano (46:37.127)
You

Matt (46:37.743)
No, yeah.

Chris (46:41.132)
That's right. I'm a dude impersonating a dude who was disguised as another dude.

Luciano (46:47.485)
There's another dude and you don't drop until commentary is what you're saying? Do commentary, yeah. We should. Vampire.

Chris (46:51.896)
Correct. We should do that movie one day, but anyways. Vampire's can't understand it. I don't know. Yeah, go ahead, sorry.

Spencer (46:52.914)
Yeah, who was... I guess that was a Frank impression? Chris? Explain your work. I told you not to fuck with me. That's what your impression sounded like. Playing another dude.

Matt (46:53.949)
vampires.

Luciano (47:09.455)
I thought you were going to say he was a, he was a cop and a crooked one at that. So he was already a monster. it came.

Spencer (47:14.61)
until the DVD commentary.

Chris (47:15.02)
He was, and he was also, okay, go

Matt (47:15.345)
better point. No, but like, well, I was just going to say that, you know, Spencer, bring up that Frank is a cop until he has cop trainings to make him a better fighter. It seems like Abigail has been doing this for a while, and she would also have got training and skills to not even let Frank grab her. Yeah. Like, like the first time Frank grabs her, just kind of reaches out and grabs her. It's just

Spencer (47:19.668)
But I think that could explain it though.

I think Frank was a skilled cop, he was already pretty abled in like combat and skilled

Luciano (47:27.993)
A while, yeah. Killing people protected by the FBI. Yeah, yeah.

Chris (47:28.428)
Yeah, hunting.

Spencer (47:36.848)
Yeah. Yeah.

Luciano (47:38.941)
No, he grabs her and he almost drinks her dry.

Matt (47:42.19)
Yeah. And it's just like, I feel like she would make an effort if she was as frail as you believe Spencer.

Matt (47:53.727)
Frank has zero, literally zero experience fighting vampires.

Luciano (47:55.365)
Yeah.

Chris (47:55.736)
True.

Matt (48:00.465)
Because by your logic, he sneaks snuck attack and that doesn't count.

Luciano (48:05.527)
Snooker tech.

Chris (48:07.374)
snuck attacked brought to you by Werther's. Yeah.

Spencer (48:10.59)
She has experience killing humans, experience fighting vampires is like

Matt (48:14.799)
sure, okay.

Luciano (48:15.951)
Right, with his fangs, which is what he uses to fight her.

Chris (48:16.566)
when he was who

Spencer (48:20.476)
No, no, no, let me just roll it back a little bit, okay?

Spencer (48:27.949)
Okay,

Luciano (48:28.743)
I see.

Chris (48:29.33)
wow.

Spencer (48:30.846)
Frank has years of experience of fighting people at his power level, other humans. She only has experience, no not with his fans,

Chris (48:41.038)
That's a big assumption. This is only one movie and we have to work with what we've seen.

Spencer (48:46.385)
He has years of training of grabbing and manhandling people on the force of people at his power level. She only has experience fighting people at a much, much lower power level than her. So when they get to the first altercation, she's like, whoa, I've never fought someone who could actually physically even get close to my level.

Matt (48:49.565)
Spencer, the problem is you've composited this set of ideas on a throne of lies because you said yourself that she is weaker than him, thereby he has no experience, he has experience fighting people the same strength as him, but she is weaker than him.

Spencer (49:09.294)
I wrote this movie and this is canon.

Matt (49:18.813)
So she's stronger than an adult male vampire. Is Frank not an adult male vampire?

Luciano (49:25.307)
He's an adult male cop vampire.

Spencer (49:26.588)
I've rescinded the weaker than him barge. Once I was told that Christopher Lampert said that he couldn't match her on his own, it proved that she's more powerful than an adult male vampire. So I changed and twisted my point to be different because I can't be wrong.

Matt (49:27.979)
Chris (49:28.078)
Frank is an adult male baby. Sir.

Matt (49:39.837)
Alright,

Luciano (49:39.953)
against children.

Chris (49:40.078)
But since Frank was on the take, that's a minus 37 to his

Matt (49:46.365)
It's a

Spencer (49:47.284)
With training he yeah, yes, yes No, he has a policeman buff that gives him plus ten Against fellow vampires

Matt (49:49.341)
That's a minus 50 DKP. Yeah, exactly. We get

Luciano (49:49.661)
Minus 50 DKP.

Chris (49:49.761)
yeah. Listen.

Chris (49:58.882)
But what dye are you using?

Matt (49:59.293)
Okay, D100. Dwarf 100. Let's patch up this whole plot. How do...

Spencer (50:09.428)
No, that only that's only a minus on his honor points. That doesn't affect power. Yeah. And but also he just could have rolled a natural 20 and just, you know, gotten a good good roll.

Luciano (50:12.721)
What hole he said coquedly.

Chris (50:15.251)
Le Cinque Halle de

Matt (50:19.613)
How do we resolve this so we don't have this issue at the end of the movie?

Chris (50:22.03)
Right. So Abigail orchestrated all of this. So like, this is my rebuttal. Abigail orchestrated all of this. She has her own authority and power in the societal structure of vampires. Okay. And her being a child and her being a child means nothing because she's amassed all this power and clout and resources and she's wielding it. And so her being

Spencer (50:24.862)
dwarf?

Spencer (50:32.434)
What hole?

Chris (50:50.094)
having the body of a 12 year old child means nothing. if, if Spencer, you can argue that

Luciano (50:55.387)
You're still complaining and Matt asked us to fix it. Okay, go ahead.

Chris (50:58.944)
I am. The solution is that she is not a frail vampire waiting to be protected by her bodyguard. She can handle herself. This is the weirdness of the writing that we've been given. She's capable and she did win in the end. She was just weakened.

Matt (51:14.173)
Can you solve it in the context of the movie, not just in a statement of fact? OK. Yeah.

Luciano (51:21.499)
I have an idea to wiggle

Spencer (51:21.934)
What's our solution? Okay,

Chris (51:34.037)
we're fixing it, fixing it, okay.

It's been a while since we've done that. We're going.

Matt (51:39.919)
we've started doing that since you haven't been

Spencer (51:42.152)
Let me take, let me take, let me take this. Cause I understand the question. Unlike Matt. I mean, unlike Chris, sorry, Matt, I'm just used to attacking you. Here's the solution. It's a little twist on the ending. Okay. At the end. Yeah. Now you're getting it. So, so what's his name? Frank agrees with Lampert.

Chris (51:42.744)
Okay.

Spencer (52:11.474)
that they will team up against her. the girl runs away so they don't kill her. And they're like, who cares? So they go to fight. Two of them fight Abigail and they do beat her. But she like, not escapes, but like seemingly dies, but she's not really dead. She's like on the ground, like all fucked up. And that's when Frank stabs Lambert in the back and kills him. So then he's like, I've won.

Chris (52:30.456)
That's what happens, roughly.

Luciano (52:35.837)
They fight together. Yeah, not the third eye. Open your ears.

Spencer (52:38.81)
Now I've used him to help me beat her and now I'm one last one. And then she gets up and then you have the final fight that they have with and the other girl shows up to save Abigail, the main character girl, and then she they team up because she saved her and they beat Frank and the ending happens. Roughly, except the one small change that fixes the problem. Open your third eye, Chris.

Chris (52:41.944)
But they did work together. They did work together.

Matt (52:42.914)
Goddamn

Luciano (52:44.571)
No, yeah, but you're skipping the whole part where Lambert is still alive and fighting Abigail with Frank first.

Chris (52:52.908)
I didn't argue for Lambert at all, but it's fine, carry on.

Luciano (52:57.019)
Who? You didn't argue it for it. Spencer did. You just didn't listen to it.

Chris (52:58.904)
Carry on.

Matt (53:03.185)
We're ca - we're - eh hey

Spencer (53:04.08)
Open your, yeah, open, also known as your third eye.

Chris (53:04.174)
Don't listen to 75 % of what Spencer says anyway at 1 .8 speed. Someone's got to. I pay attention when he does impressions.

Luciano (53:07.975)
But it is fair.

Matt (53:09.149)
It's fine, we're carrying on. We are carrying on. Luciano? Luciano, you had an idea?

Luciano (53:12.415)
Hahaha!

Spencer (53:13.821)
Yell

Do we have a, we need a Chris decipher.

Luciano (53:17.287)
Well, it was similar. Like just make them actually fight her. But I was going to say that something I thought, this is not a plot hole, but it's something that felt a little forced was the end when Abigail was like, thank you. You're going to be a good mom and I love you. Like that was a little forced. I was thinking that it would have been more fun. Like just go with what Spencer said, but then Abigail during the fight when she gets back up and, you know, she's weak,

Spencer (53:30.708)
Normally I would say that's a good idea.

Matt (53:33.249)
my

Luciano (53:46.481)
then kills Frank with Joey's help. Maybe Joey gets mortally wounded and Abigail has to turn her into a vampire. That's what I

Chris (53:49.624)
Joey.

Matt (53:54.619)
What if Abigail turns her into a puppet, but then releases her when she's done because she was the only one that was nice to her in the house?

Luciano (54:03.097)
nice. Yeah. That works. Yeah. That works. That works as well.

Chris (54:06.85)
You can do that.

Luciano (54:09.874)
to help.

Matt (54:10.141)
Because when Sammy became a puppet, she got like power boost,

Chris (54:13.016)
For the power boost?

Luciano (54:14.161)
Yeah, or the power boost, yeah. Yeah, the vampire boost.

Matt (54:19.793)
They're power roast.

Chris (54:21.166)
So if she did that, go

Luciano (54:29.147)
Yeah, that would work. I think the problem was that it was flip -floppy what each vampire could do, depending on how powerful... They became more or less powerful as the scene required. I'm fixing that.

Spencer (54:30.952)
But why turn her into a puppet?

Spencer (54:38.511)
for the power boost. that, okay. I see

Matt (54:43.857)
Are you saying Lambert specked out technology skills and she had no fighting ability?

Spencer (54:45.362)
Like when they're seemingly at their lowest odds, like when they're both about to die kind of

Luciano (54:47.394)
Yeah. He put everything on brooding. And then...

Matt (54:52.261)
Yeah, exactly.

Chris (54:54.766)
I have created character cards for each of you and I have surmised that Peter you have the curse to Quebec.

But at the same time, in order for her, I'm fine with like Joey getting turned, right? But look at the amount of time it took for, like look at the transformation time that was required. Something would have had to have happened with like, I don't know, I suppose Abigail would have had to use a considerable amount of energy or strength to punt him to create time.

Luciano (55:27.279)
Well, what could have happened was when Lambert reveals that he is a vampire and he's like holding Joey by the neck, right? And he's trying to convince Frank to help him fight Abigail. He could have like bitten her to try and make her into a puppet later or something. Or maybe Abigail could have bitten her even before, right? Something like

Spencer (55:41.756)
Yeah, that does create a bit of a problem.

Chris (55:54.542)
Just a little nipple.

Matt (55:58.356)
Spencer's brain broke.

Luciano (56:02.439)
Frank. Yeah.

Matt (56:04.198)
No, but he turned him into a vampire that's because this is one of the things actually you follow Yeah, he drank the blood back Yeah, well, so I wondering if you can just somehow have Abigail Taunt them by saying she turned Sam and wouldn't just convene to her Right. So you you lay that groundwork of Sammy turn that took it took Sammy that long to turn because Abigail just waited to turn her into a sleeper agent when she was ready for

Chris (56:10.434)
You got bitten and drunk and drank.

Luciano (56:11.269)
Yeah.

Spencer (56:17.78)
or maybe Lambert.

Yeah, well, although Lambert turned Frank like instantaneously.

Spencer (56:30.709)
he made him he made him drink his blood. Blood, yeah.

Luciano (56:32.699)
Yeah, she activated her when she wanted to.

Matt (56:36.497)
Yeah.

Chris (56:38.094)
So if they had done that, they could have, that would have been an accelerant device to come back later. I suppose with an older vampire, you can activate when it suits you. Hmm, I don't

Luciano (56:43.077)
Yeah, because it's

Luciano (56:47.725)
When she turned Sammy into a puppet, it seemed like she was actually a puppet, like Abigail was mimicking what she needed to do when she was doing it. So, yeah.

Matt (56:58.013)
She she's a duplicate, Abigail, almost.

Chris (56:58.274)
Yeah. Yeah.

Matt (57:03.335)
Publicate. that right?

Chris (57:04.814)
Ayyyy, publicat - intreplicate.

Luciano (57:15.205)
I think it made him worse maybe. Like it, it potentialized the evil that was already there. Yeah.

Matt (57:16.291)
He was right there.

Matt (57:22.545)
Potentialized? just means it's still potential, actualized.

Spencer (57:23.7)
It's almost like she was a puppet.

Chris (57:25.378)
Actualized

Spencer (57:27.484)
As a public I have a question on this on the same point or the same kind of topic when Frank was turned did it turn Frank evil or was he always bad?

Luciano (57:27.783)
Well, no, mean, I mean, made it more potent in that sense.

Luciano (57:34.858)
He seemed like a classic crooked cop, right?

Matt (57:36.561)
He He yeah, he bounced back and forth based on what was convenient for him as a crooked cop, right? Like he he was like when no one's leaving we're doing the job No one show her face to I can't believe you made me show her my face because I ran in there looking for information I'm leaving. It's okay. We can definitely survive the night.

Spencer (57:45.512)
Like I didn't, I thought.

Luciano (57:52.685)
Yeah, he's a dick, but he's not like outright evil.

Spencer (57:55.388)
Like, cause he didn't seem evil throughout the movie, right? Am I wrong?

Spencer (58:05.736)
I

Luciano (58:09.607)
think that was supposed to be like a twist, right? In that sense.

Spencer (58:19.55)
Cause it seemed like they were like team like when they were the last two to survive, it kind of gave me the vibe that they were going to be like the last they're going to work together to get out of this situation. And then he gets turned and I was like, and when he stabbed Lampert,

Matt (58:19.843)
You know it's Lambert, right?

Luciano (58:19.963)
That's what I thought too.

Chris (58:20.332)
Hmm. I think it's better this way. Lampert.

Matt (58:26.634)
Spencer? Spencer? Spencer, did you even watch this movie?

Luciano (58:26.927)
Lamp... Lampart.

Chris (58:30.166)
It's Liam Pert.

Luciano (58:31.517)
Spencered.

Spencer (58:36.392)
Yeah, I mean, it fooled me, when he turned, when he stabbed Lampert, I thought it was like, he's like, even though he's vampire, he's still going to be on her side.

Matt (58:38.757)
Okay. we, we've strayed, we strayed so far from the light on this question of the plot hole that I think we're just, we're just drifting towards the fun questions section of this podcast. So let's point out, why not dive into them? let's start easy here. think what was the first dirty cop job that Frank did?

Spencer (58:45.361)
No, it's not anymore.

Luciano (58:46.908)
Hahaha!

Spencer (58:51.312)
It's Spencert. I did. And it's forever Lampert. And he also has a first name we will not say here. We will not invoke his name.

Luciano (58:52.583)
Alright, sounds good.

Chris (59:01.806)
Kid Mode.

Luciano (59:02.769)
Hmm. You mean like the thing that turned him in from being infiltrated to being an actual criminal? What's my vote?

Matt (59:10.545)
Whatever made him want to get his dark side.

Matt (59:28.165)
So we're all dirty cops, is it you?

Luciano (59:30.109)
I never did that on McDonald's.

Chris (59:30.446)
I've never done that, but that sounds like a lot of fun to be

Matt (59:35.371)
Yeah.

Spencer (59:36.52)
I think he like went, he went to McDonald's and he got his order and they thought he'd paid, but he didn't. he, and he, as he drove off, he realized it like just as he's driving away and he's like, I should go back and pay.

Chris (59:37.134)
Pat McDonald.

Luciano (59:44.419)
Yeah, no, he was like, I'm pretending to be a criminal now. A criminal wouldn't go back. Hmm, this feels good.

Spencer (59:53.212)
No, So, so he like, yeah, like as he's driving away, he's like, I should go back and pay and then he's like, no, why shouldn't I keep

Chris (59:53.283)
he would, cause he was undercover at that point. he went to, he went.

Luciano (59:55.311)
Yeah, of course.

Matt (59:59.077)
I

Luciano (59:59.481)
Yeah, No, part of his cover was fetching McDonald's orders for Lazar. Clearly a McDonald's fan. Yeah.

Matt (01:00:07.569)
Clearly okay, no, think that's a good one I was wondering if maybe he just played a lot of Grand Theft Auto I was like I made so much money at this I'm gonna get

Spencer (01:00:14.76)
This feels right.

Chris (01:00:16.137)
it's my turn.

Luciano (01:00:18.235)
I'm going to do this in real life. Yeah. And I mean, that would do it. That would do it. We've all done it. Yes. We've all, we've all gone to Los Santos. We've all, we've all in real life. Yeah.

Spencer (01:00:19.092)
He was an undercover McDonald's customer. That was part of his cover.

Chris (01:00:24.609)
All done what?

Spencer (01:00:28.584)
But yeah.

Matt (01:00:29.629)
Yeah

Chris (01:00:33.299)
in a Lambo.

Matt (01:00:35.697)
Yeah

Luciano (01:00:39.771)
Yeah, no, it's called Los Santos and the car's name is Infernus, not Diablo. Yeah, and I bought the ammo at AmmuNation.

Matt (01:00:39.869)
That is my lifestyle.

Spencer (01:00:45.3)
I mean, we've all done

Chris (01:00:46.807)
Aaaaa

Spencer (01:00:49.46)
We've all played Grand Theft Auto for 45 hours straight and then God and murdered a hooker. Am I right guys?

Matt (01:00:53.565)
Looks like Luciano is your lawyer. I don't know how you won that case.

Luciano (01:00:57.405)
If the car fits, you must acquit.

Spencer (01:00:58.324)
in a Lambo that we we fucking lifted off the streets of LA.

Chris (01:00:58.895)
Spencer (01:01:06.104)
That's what I told the lawyer!

Chris (01:01:09.206)
and use his pair phone to enter certain certain cheat codes to to bring in some to spawn some extra body

Spencer (01:01:16.148)
I didn't steal a Lambo. I stole an Infernis. And I didn't kill a hooker. I killed a professional prostitute.

Matt (01:01:18.365)
We've gone too far.

Chris (01:01:21.836)
Yeah, my star rating is subterranean officer.

Luciano (01:01:22.403)
Hahaha

I'm going to run out of this courthouse now with my no clips console code.

Matt (01:01:32.109)
Anyways, next question. Why do vampires explode when they die?

Spencer (01:01:41.394)
Yeah, you can't, you can't arrest me. pressed L one L two R one R two left down left up down.

Spencer (01:02:06.516)
I personally think that in order to create the power of a vampire, their strength, their abilities, their heart has to run at a much more powerful rate. And it basically becomes like a, like an engine. But instead of burning, you know, calories, it burns blood, but

Matt (01:02:07.025)
Fuel that burns blood.

Chris (01:02:18.968)
blood combustion.

Matt (01:02:24.935)
Chris, first of all, it's come blushing. Thank you very much.

Chris (01:02:29.036)
Much appreciated.

Luciano (01:02:33.041)
I was gonna say, I think it's more that their blood is, it's napalm. It's

Chris (01:02:34.538)
Nitrous oxide or nitrous glycerin? Well, glycerin makes

Spencer (01:02:36.132)
It like it actually literally burns it like not like like in a human body where it burns calories and stuff like it's literally like an engine inside their hearts that it like it cum bloods chin and their blood becomes like nitroglycerin inside their skin.

Luciano (01:02:41.019)
Yeah. So then when you

Matt (01:02:46.051)
It's extremist, alright? That's where you're going. That's where you're headed.

Yes.

Luciano (01:02:51.918)
Hahaha

Matt (01:02:59.793)
Yep. Okay.

Stop. Now you're just getting further away. Yeah, you're stupid. Luciano or Chris, do you have a... You should. Luciano Chris, do have a better answer?

Spencer (01:03:05.245)
Yeah, do do do vampires have any fire abilities?

Luciano (01:03:09.777)
That makes no sense.

Spencer (01:03:11.572)
Extrude it from from Iron Man 3? That's what I'm trying to say. Exactly. It makes yeah, that's pretty apt actually. I was gonna say it's like dragons. Their blood is also highly explosive. Sorry, that was stupid.

Chris (01:03:16.45)
You know when you have a juice box and you're really tempted to just like poke the straw through the hole and really get to consuming and enjoying that liquid refreshment, but you squeeze too hard sometimes and then the overflow takes place? Okay, well in physics when it comes to vampires, sunlight is your overpowered meat fist, a la Dwayne The Rock Johnson, over your kid -sized Sunny D box of juice.

Spencer (01:03:32.98)
I'll just leave.

Luciano (01:03:46.289)
But then it doesn't explode, it just comes off the

Chris (01:03:46.54)
Don't worry about

Matt (01:03:50.087)
Woof!

Chris (01:03:50.124)
Not if you squeeze it

Luciano (01:03:51.867)
Jesus, how are you squeezing your juice boxes, Chris?

Chris (01:03:55.572)
What? No, you squeeze it. It's been squeezed extremely. Exactly, the juice explodes outward.

Matt (01:04:06.437)
In Chris's defense, in the juice box scenario, because there's a pipeline, is the easiest place for all the juice, as he said, in physics. It's going to find the easiest way to explode in physics. Now in physics, a human body, it's essentially everything has the same tensile strength, the skin. So it all just kind of comes out everywhere all at the same time, hence the total explosion.

Spencer (01:04:07.302)
Sony D doesn't make boxes of juice.

Spencer (01:04:13.15)
Yeah, if their heads, if their heads popped open and it all came out the top. Yeah, sounds like you're ripping it apart from the outside.

Luciano (01:04:14.461)
In physics, yes. The place of physics.

Chris (01:04:16.214)
in physics.

Spencer (01:04:23.87)
but they explode

Chris (01:04:27.096)
Cause there's more than one, right. And if you think about it, our skin has pores, millions and millions of tiny pores. And so at the rate of much like a lot of porous straws, like a straw hole, but all of that force is being exerted thusly, simultaneously everywhere. And so if you were killed, like you get staked through the heart or decapitated, which we didn't see,

Spencer (01:04:38.192)
Spencer (01:04:41.544)
Ha ha!

Luciano (01:04:42.119)
Why did you call

Luciano (01:04:54.617)
No, it was just the sun and Abigail's hand explodes on the sun.

Chris (01:04:56.972)
The sun and heart puncture.

Spencer (01:04:58.42)
Those are like

Chris (01:05:01.708)
Right. That's the effect. Indeed. Or a juice box.

Spencer (01:05:01.832)
Like a straw hole!

Luciano (01:05:04.795)
Yeah, that's what I was gonna be. No, not like a jukebox at all! A jukebox!

Chris (01:05:09.298)
Like a jukebox like a juice box juke juke box. Yes from happy

Matt (01:05:16.763)
Hey, Chris, why did Abigail - what did Abigail do to make her dad not love

Chris (01:05:23.426)
Yeah, she screwed up. She went on a bender and consumed like four news anchors the night before her recital. And she made an ass of herself on stage the following night, which is why her focus on ballet is so intense because she's trying to get that night right.

Spencer (01:05:25.756)
Like a balloon getting too much air!

Spencer (01:05:32.581)
Hahaha

Matt (01:05:49.287)
What is this? I hate this. Someone say a funny thing.

Chris (01:05:51.789)
You're welcome.

Chris (01:05:55.534)
I said anchors, news anchors. I didn't tell you what network. PBS. PBS.

Matt (01:05:57.297)
Yes, that's funny to you.

Luciano (01:05:59.281)
How I'll be Chris. Woo!

Luciano (01:06:08.541)
He ate too many buttermilk biscuits!

Chris (01:06:08.674)
That's right.

Spencer (01:06:09.544)
Wow, Chris, with an answer that makes sense, I am lost. Should I do the crazy one? Should I do the crazy one?

Chris (01:06:13.454)
Too many! Threw off her glucose levels.

Luciano (01:06:18.333)
she became a diabetic vampire. That's why her dad hates

Spencer (01:06:21.202)
I'll be Chris in this scenario.

Chris (01:06:23.554)
Yeah, she's like, how do you fuck this up?

Spencer (01:06:25.564)
Yeah, she was She let her down because she took all her worthers candy and that worthers candy is worth its weight in gold

Luciano (01:06:26.064)
Hahaha!

Chris (01:06:30.602)
you fuck this up now we have to do you realize that now like for centuries we have to be buying you insulin

Luciano (01:06:40.349)
That's more of a Chris answer.

Spencer (01:06:41.428)
was gonna

Chris (01:06:42.535)
Why'd you fuck this

Matt (01:06:50.101)
Yes, next

Luciano (01:06:53.723)
Yeah, they have to, you can only feed from diabetics.

Matt (01:06:54.107)
Well,

Chris (01:06:55.502)
It's like, too sweet.

Matt (01:06:57.149)
But you have to eat the right kind of it, diabetic.

Matt (01:07:02.663)
Yeah, the one that matches the opposite of the type you have. Yeah, it's very inhumane. I think I'm fine with Chris's answer here. And Chris's, yeah, yeah.

Luciano (01:07:05.846)
I see.

Spencer (01:07:08.51)
Do diabetic vampires have to eat diabetics?

Or would the blood sugar be too high in a regular person?

Matt (01:07:20.253)
Spencer is a little bit delayed, but that's fine.

Chris (01:07:23.022)
It's only physics. It's only biology and physics.

Luciano (01:07:24.569)
Yeah, His internet is slow. His internet is slow. Let's give him a break.

Spencer (01:07:24.622)
like type B. Yeah, that's so inconvenient.

Matt (01:07:34.944)
That's what we're doing. You are correct. Let's just jump to a different question.

Spencer (01:07:36.832)
You see the opposite type? You call the opposite type? Okay, that makes it better. That makes it. It counteracts A, counteracts B. A little bit. It's physics. I'm just gonna say, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna say it's physics before every answer from now on. Cause I think that's what we're doing. Okay.

Chris (01:07:37.294)
We're consistent.

Chris (01:07:40.91)
Keep it going.

Matt (01:07:43.815)
How did Peter get the curse de Québécois?

Chris (01:07:48.866)
He he

Luciano (01:07:49.419)
Hahaha!

Chris (01:07:52.814)
Started like, yes.

Matt (01:07:54.109)
Good work.

Luciano (01:07:55.249)
Ha ha

Chris (01:07:58.85)
Yes.

I got one. So see, he was killing people in Montreal, right? And he was on a job. was, he, and his, his task was to take out four news anchors. Okay. And so walk with me. So he killed three and it was all in the, in the green room when they were, they were supposed to, they were going to get ready to go on, the air, but he managed to kill three and maim the fourth. And there was a lot of blood, the blood,

Spencer (01:08:12.468)
There it is. Well, in physics, the human tongue, I don't actually have an answer. How did he get the curse? Okay. You take

Chris (01:08:31.7)
and some blood ended up on some poutine in the green room. And he managed to kill all four, but it takes a lot of energy. So he sees this now bloodied poutine tray of delicious curds and fries and gravy. And he's like, still smells good to me. And then he picks it up. He takes a big fucking bite, but you've soiled and spilled blood. And now that blood.

has been consumed. You've cursed yourself. You've, you've, you disagree?

Luciano (01:09:03.823)
I disagree. I think the way he called the curse the Quebecois is because he put the curds and the gravy before the fries when he made the poutine. And then, Quebecois just cursed him. Just the whole province of Quebec just cursed him. Here it comes. Here it comes. I'm going to correct my fucking pronunciation of the word. Go ahead.

Chris (01:09:09.793)
Chris (01:09:16.45)
But he, but okay, I'll just let you, I'll let you go. Okay.

Matt (01:09:20.39)
to point.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, whatever, I'm just gonna say it. No, no, no.

No, you're doing fine. You're whatever. It's like your third language. It is putain, but that's fine. Fair enough. No. Say it Frenchy!

Luciano (01:09:32.807)
PUTEIN! You're a putain.

Matt (01:09:45.369)
I'm right It's but they know that the thing The thing I was gonna say is If you ever got smoked sputum Whenever you got like they're fancy like you like I think they had like a Thanksgiving one they would put the Gravy and curds underneath the fries and I put the fries and then okay. Thank you. It's just okay. Yeah, I just wanted

Luciano (01:09:46.781)
Ciao da!

Chris (01:09:47.418)
I would like a party planner.

Spencer (01:09:54.876)
It's

Spencer (01:10:01.448)
No,

Say it right! It's Chowder! It's Poo -Tay!

Luciano (01:10:07.569)
Yeah, and it's cursed. It's cursed. That's what I'm saying. It's cursed. So that's how he caught it. He ate a poutine at Smokes. That's how he got it. There you go. He caught the curse.

Chris (01:10:13.78)
That's bad.

Spencer (01:10:13.852)
I'll kill, I'll kill all of you! Especially you in the jury!

Matt (01:10:19.461)
You gotta go Belpro.

Luciano (01:10:34.139)
what was that? that was Irish, almost color

Spencer (01:10:36.66)
This explains his terrible Quebec accent?

Chris (01:10:39.554)
Can you do it again?

Spencer (01:10:42.334)
Well, if you're eating it in smokes in general, that's not true, Quebec. Why? would never do that. You first of all, his accent. Is it that bad? Let's take a listen. That's his accent. Let's play it again.

Chris (01:10:44.34)
What the fuck was that? Indeed.

Matt (01:10:47.889)
Basically he's got he's got some jowls. I've been missing this. I forgot hair. Yeah

Luciano (01:10:47.933)
HATATATATA! It's Conor McGregor! Yeah, it's Conor McGregor. That's what it is. He'd have been at home in this movie, let's be honest.

Chris (01:10:56.866)
Good to have him

Chris (01:11:01.263)
god. Canadian? yeah, true.

Spencer (01:11:05.588)
He's been messing with us ever since we got here! Sounds like Conor McGregor!

Matt (01:11:05.659)
He had to say it. That is a very terrible Kibbe quack thing. So I assume he's cursed because anybody... It's like the curse, like he's sick some days, he's not sick other days. It's always inside of him, but when the disease comes out, it's hourly. And that's why sometimes he has a little bit of French accent, and most times he just

Luciano (01:11:09.393)
Yes.

Spencer (01:11:19.086)
Heheheheh, mad room.

I genuinely did not know he was supposed to be Quebec until they said he's from Quebec.

Luciano (01:11:29.755)
Yeah, that's that was him preparing for another movie.

Chris (01:11:37.692)
Matt (01:11:41.637)
Yeah, I mean you go too far Christopher Lambert, but

Spencer (01:11:44.644)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:11:45.844)
Yeah, that was.

Chris (01:11:47.158)
It's the key to everything. Yes, Lambert. You know, he's the Rosetta

Spencer (01:11:49.438)
What do mean? What he says? He's been trying to say what else ever it says we got here.

Spencer (01:11:56.466)
Like you think that if he was like wha like throughout the movie like they'd been messing with us ever since we got here, but like they would have like everything's Christopher Lambert inside in physics. Christopher Lambert is the base of all language.

Luciano (01:11:56.714)
The Lambert stone

Matt (01:11:59.449)
Nice. The challenge is like he speaks English too much. Clearly because like I'm not sure a K -Bot co -op person would even say, they've been messing with us since we got here. Like in general, right? Like I can't speak, pick up the slang, but I feel like it would be like more.

Chris (01:12:12.054)
Hahaha!

Luciano (01:12:18.589)
He will throw a French curse word in there somewhere.

Spencer (01:12:19.282)
WAAA

Matt (01:12:21.977)
Yeah, I was just like... It's even like the cadence of a... You know what? Fair enough.

Chris (01:12:23.49)
He should have. What? Suck my bl - That's... no.

Luciano (01:12:26.641)
What? Haha, suck my blit!

Spencer (01:12:34.556)
Yeah, no. They'd

Matt (01:12:36.387)
I we nailed it. I want to move off this so badly. That's as good as Kevin Durant's act that was as far.

Luciano (01:12:40.798)
is a Quebec whopper, is a Quebec whopper from New York?

Chris (01:12:43.372)
Yeah

Spencer (01:12:46.364)
It's a SUCK MY BLUH!

Luciano (01:12:48.655)
Eh, true. I'm walking, he's sucking my blood.

Chris (01:12:51.618)
You get what you, who? Who keeps ringing that bell? can't concentrate on my putain.

Matt (01:12:54.235)
Yeah, that is the Quebec City.

Spencer (01:12:54.356)
sucka my blood.

Hey, do me a favor and suck in my blood

Matt (01:12:59.473)
That is famously the Quebec City accent versus the Montreal accent.

Luciano (01:13:03.773)
Hahaha!

Spencer (01:13:04.116)
I'm from Quebec!

Yeah, this is the Quebec, that's what he did. I'm from Quebec City, motherfuckers, suck in my blur.

Chris (01:13:07.438)
You take the L down to LaSalle and then you switch over to the 42 and you go to Bussward.

You know, Poo -Tang.

Spencer (01:13:20.82)
yeah, Quebec City baby, don't you forget it suck my blood

Chris (01:13:25.218)
That's right. Okay. Hey, yeah, tell, tell, tell Carlos I said bonjour. And then he owes me a fitty.

Luciano (01:13:27.399)
I have to put a bodega there somewhere.

Matt (01:13:29.703)
somewhere.

Luciano (01:13:35.278)
I'm gonna get a summer poutine on the bodega.

Spencer (01:13:38.996)
We're get some of that PUTINE

Chris (01:13:43.778)
That's right. Say hello to your mother for me.

Matt (01:13:44.933)
I just want everybody in this podcast to understand.

Spencer (01:13:45.448)
Get some Get some cheddar on my Tatoes!

Luciano (01:13:48.861)
You're motherfucker.

Matt (01:13:51.047)
And once you understand, these are very authentic Quebec City accents. Two of us are married to women who grew up in Quebec, and one of us lived in Montreal for a year. So we have a lot of experience being in Quebec, learning the nuances.

Spencer (01:13:57.14)
Put some put some cheese curds on my on my I want some curds on my Tato's okay

Chris (01:14:01.304)
That's

Luciano (01:14:03.427)
I barely speak English. I barely speak English, so I'm out of this conversation.

Matt (01:14:07.965)
Yeah.

Chris (01:14:11.254)
I've cut all ties to Quebec. I finally finished paying my Quebec taxes. God damn

Matt (01:14:15.633)
Well, the Quebec City Mafia has come.

Spencer (01:14:17.402)
Yes.

Chris (01:14:18.805)
Listen, I paid them.

Luciano (01:14:19.579)
Yeah, Kevin Durant's coming for you.

Matt (01:14:20.765)
Away!

We are coming for you Chris and your Quebec taxes, sucka my blah.

Chris (01:14:25.93)
I did. I did.

Spencer (01:14:26.664)
My ex - my my s - my soon -to -be ex -wife is from Quebec. Yeah.

Luciano (01:14:26.749)
Hey, what's coming for you? Hey.

Chris (01:14:35.222)
I did pay them. I paid them. We set up a plan. I went into the office. Okay. I filled out all the forms, the T20 Putin, and I paid them consecutively.

Luciano (01:14:36.556)
Sacre -ma -blaise is the model of the Québécois revenue agency.

Spencer (01:14:42.937)
Chris, didn't play all your Quebec taxes.

Luciano (01:14:50.919)
What is that? What is that accent?

Spencer (01:14:53.844)
You don't pay your taxes you're be sucking my blood tell you

Chris (01:14:54.764)
But you know, it's a GABBA

Luciano (01:14:57.475)
great, okay, we're... Where?

Chris (01:15:01.774)
You okay? You know.

Matt (01:15:03.724)
It's over. It's over.

I have a slightly different question to ask you guys. Which of these motherfuckers is trying to ice skate uphill?

Spencer (01:15:14.11)
Listen, we're gonna break your genu. We're gonna break your genu, we're gonna break... Full on... We've got full Gabagool! We've got full Gabagool! We gotta get out of here! That's our safe word.

Chris (01:15:16.238)
That's a good answer. That's a good answer.

Luciano (01:15:16.733)
Dean.

Luciano (01:15:21.445)
No, no, no, Dean.

Chris (01:15:30.774)
With Sammy?

Luciano (01:15:32.669)
Sammy was a close second,

Chris (01:15:35.768)
Well, he's trying to ice skate uphill with Sammy. He was trying and trying and did not, did not make any progress.

Luciano (01:15:38.205)
I see. I Did not work.

Spencer (01:15:39.412)
Show your work No, no, no. No, you know what? You're right. It's that self -explanatory I agree Dean out of all these motherfuckers. He's trying to escape uphill

Chris (01:15:47.7)
No, Sammy was first of all, Sammy was like on onions and she was making progress.

Luciano (01:15:53.693)
Yeah, can't skate up here if you don't know what an onion is. Yeah, Dean,

Chris (01:15:55.234)
The Dean was just failing. Correct.

Spencer (01:15:57.566)
Sammy was close second because

Matt (01:16:00.295)
Okay, anybody else? Everybody's with Dean.

Spencer (01:16:06.078)
Cause Sammy, that motherfucker couldn't ice skate uphill as good as Dean.

Matt (01:16:06.973)
Curses to thinking, but I don't care. Great answer everybody. No, that's fine. We're just gonna run it over. No, the math is pretty, math, hey, why is Joey the real villain of this movie?

Chris (01:16:07.106)
Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm fine.

Chris (01:16:14.52)
Just double checking my notes, my mental notes.

Luciano (01:16:17.149)
The math checks

Spencer (01:16:21.502)
Dean, final answer.

Chris (01:16:23.682)
Mmm. Mmm.

Spencer (01:16:25.436)
It's, it's no, it's obviously Dean.

Luciano (01:16:27.377)
Mm -hmm.

Chris (01:16:30.285)
That's mmm.

Luciano (01:16:30.865)
Well, I mean, she did like, dox everybody on that scene in the beginning.

Spencer (01:16:33.894)
It's never a good sign when Chris is thinking.

Luciano (01:16:39.953)
Why?

Luciano (01:16:44.002)
she was infiltrated. I see.

Luciano (01:16:57.053)
like, it's like, just like trying to come off as cool, but she already knows everything.

Chris (01:16:57.158)
wow.

Spencer (01:17:00.86)
I have a theory why. I think that she was in on it the whole time. She was working with Abigail. Yeah. So the first time she's there, she already knows. She makes it seem like she's like deducing their histories, but she just knew it because she planned it. So she was trying to rattle them with that. And they're like, how the fuck could she know

Spencer (01:17:28.348)
Yeah. Yeah. It was just like a, it was a trick. And then, when she like tells them all to get out, she's like trying to bang down the door, knowing that the harder they bang on that door, the, that auto lock mechanism was going to go. Cause they could have gone out the window if they didn't bang on that door first, right? It's when they banged on that gate that the doors all came down. So she knew that. So she was like, let's bang down this door. I don't know if she said that, but I'm going to assume she did.

Luciano (01:17:32.037)
And then she purposely probably told Abigail to kill Rickles because he was like halfway competent.

Luciano (01:17:49.275)
How convenient.

Luciano (01:17:57.137)
Joey.

Chris (01:17:57.538)
Joey.

Matt (01:18:00.857)
Great job, Spencer. How much of this was like, actually things that happened in the movie and how much of it was just things you make up to fit your Joey's evil storyline?

Spencer (01:18:02.662)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. coincidence like the second they leave their conversation, he dies when no one else is around and she just survives when Abigail must have been right there. Like, why wouldn't she just kill? Why would she just kill Sammy there too? Or not Sammy. Why would what's the main girl's name? Why would they just kill Joey there too? Fuck, you know me in names, OK?

Luciano (01:18:16.657)
No, Frank was the one, yeah.

Matt (01:18:27.717)
I think the house was locked down immediately because Lambert was in the security place the whole time.

Spencer (01:18:32.23)
No, the only thing I made up was I don't think she said knock that door down when they were like, I think Frank was just like, he was like, I'm gonna do it. But she was like, let's go. like, I think she was encouraging them to go at the front door and knowing that they would try and break it down to lock down the house.

Chris (01:18:36.462)
triggered the rest of the the window shutters and

Matt (01:18:41.661)
I missed that entirely.

Luciano (01:18:41.757)
I don't think it was a cause of it. I mean, it happened right then. No.

Chris (01:18:45.112)
Well, it may, whether it was a cause or a button push, they happened, they happened there, like in that, at that moment.

Spencer (01:18:52.87)
No, no, the house wasn't locked down. They, them banging on the front door triggered all the windows to get locked. Yeah, like all the mechanized windows.

Matt (01:18:53.051)
Anyways, I don't care. Ants are funny.

Chris (01:18:56.974)
The power of comedy is compelling me! It's the curse to get bequah salute!

Matt (01:18:58.043)
Dance, puppets!

Spencer (01:19:07.933)
Yeah it was!

Spencer (01:19:12.637)
It happened right after.

Spencer (01:19:18.78)
I mean, this isn't even a joke, this is a good, this is a good...

Chris (01:19:20.14)
Yeah, she I think she wasn't on it. It's all it's possible that like they were Abigail may have been tried to like increase her cabal, so to speak, like, let Lambert was already on the vampire take. And didn't like being in that thrall.

Spencer (01:19:31.124)
Suck in my blood! But yeah, I think that and I mean, I don't think it's a coincidence. She's obviously the only one who survives and the girl's really nice to her at the

Matt (01:19:36.625)
I want to help steer you a little bit into the question which was, how is Joey the real villain?

Chris (01:19:41.676)
Right, she wanted to usurp Lambert's position to get more power and more money so she could send money to her son.

Luciano (01:19:50.073)
I think she wanted more money to buy more

Matt (01:19:50.525)
That's more of a why.

Chris (01:19:54.818)
That's good too. You're gonna have enough.

Luciano (01:20:01.925)
Yeah, yeah. What a villain.

Matt (01:20:02.013)
Yeah

Matt (01:20:06.949)
What a monster for body for a kid.

Chris (01:20:10.742)
Maybe she was coked out, she was coked out the entire time. Coked out on that Morphée, that Morphée Poutin. Morphée and Poutin.

Matt (01:20:14.8)
Now we're back to Chris.

Spencer (01:20:18.228)
I like how Chris is like, Matt, like how you said, how is she the real villain? And he's like, she wanted to provide for her son. Good job. Really nailed it. What a monster.

Matt (01:20:21.691)
Yeah. All

Luciano (01:20:23.931)
Yeah, she snorted a whole lot of morphine before.

Chris (01:20:25.994)
she snorted and consumed.

Matt (01:20:28.637)
She's morphed out, alright? It's fine.

Luciano (01:20:31.589)
It's morph, it's morphin

Chris (01:20:31.66)
She's morked out.

Matt (01:20:32.935)
Yeah, yeah, she's not morphine, so she's morphed out. She's morphed this great. I think I need to, we need to just, we did it guys, congratulations.

Chris (01:20:35.572)
She's morbid. She's morbid out. Yes. Yeah. It's a gateway drug.

Spencer (01:20:35.908)
There and there we go, now we're talking.

Spencer (01:20:42.28)
Wait, coked out on morphine? She's coked out, it's on

Luciano (01:20:44.543)
Gay -Pay -Druct -A -What?

Chris (01:20:45.162)
You

Matt (01:20:49.169)
We did it. No, it was great. We did.

Hey man, Spencer. I don't care. I'm trying to this podcast.

Chris (01:20:56.526)
Ooh!

Spencer (01:20:58.612)
It's

Chris (01:21:01.644)
He's running away with it, actually.

Matt (01:21:04.581)
Right, you're have this W but you've been relegated to the second tier. It's really awkward. Yeah. Let's give ourselves some review scores on this movie and place it in the annals of all the other movies we watched to see where it ranks against it. For reminders for anybody who doesn't know, Chris, we use the S tier system. S is the highest, F is the lowest.

Spencer (01:21:07.73)
I think that's a, that was a, that was a solid answer on why she was evil. She was in on it from the beginning and her end goal was ideally to replace Abigail, but that's in the sequel. Take the dub, take the dub. I'll take the dub.

Spencer (01:21:25.895)
I'm taking the dub and I'm running, I'm going. no.

Chris (01:21:30.136)
Sounds like you want me to freestyle this review.

Matt (01:21:32.935)
Put it anywhere on that range for the love of God.

Chris (01:21:35.584)
with my, with my, my, with the love of of, of curse of gibbikwa, that's what I'll do. Leveraging those ancient scrolls of do whatever the fuck I want. I don't recognize your scale and I create my own. Anyways, I, I kinda, I'm glad I watched this movie sped up. I did.

Luciano (01:21:36.451)
For the love of God.

Luciano (01:22:00.549)
my god.

Matt (01:22:01.329)
Man, can you just watch the movies and like at regular speed like our listeners are supposed to?

Chris (01:22:04.396)
Well, listen, time is a hell of a thing. And anyways, when you're sick and you're trying to be a part of the team and your energy is limited, yeah.

Luciano (01:22:14.012)
yeah, that's what helps. That's what helps. You're sick and you watch it on like double speed. That's gonna make you understand the movie.

Chris (01:22:19.534)
correct. It was 1 .8. I went from 1 point. I went 1 .5 and then I was like, I could go a little faster.

Spencer (01:22:26.896)
Yeah, what's wrong with you?

Luciano (01:22:28.251)
Yeah, I can go a little faster. My coat of brain can deal with all this shit.

Chris (01:22:31.662)
It's Dayquil, sir. Faster, faster. This movie is the best thing I've ever seen. I could go faster.

Spencer (01:22:42.1)
Chris's eyes are glazed over

Luciano (01:22:46.653)
No, no, I imagine him hopped up on Dayquil watching this at 3 .5 speed and going, this movie makes no sense. I wonder why.

Spencer (01:22:55.692)
I

Luciano (01:23:00.507)
Fucking hell, don't I don't I'm not understanding anything, it must be the movie's fault.

Chris (01:23:01.166)
consuming buttermilk biscuits at the same time faster anyways I wouldn't watch it it's it's helpful for me when it comes to movies that are scary or gory so that I like jump scares don't do anything for me when it's accelerated so that's the best way for

Matt (01:23:11.367)
So to see.

Spencer (01:23:16.55)
Yeah

Chris (01:23:30.07)
Rebel Moon is a different, I would love, we should apply, my score, I know. And I, with skips, I skipped seeds and it was still hurting me. Anyways, yeah, yeah, Abigail, Abigail, Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. I want to give it a B, but I don't want to watch it again. And so it should be a

Luciano (01:23:32.189)
That was a three hour jump scare right there.

Spencer (01:23:35.08)
Wait, wait, what? Movie's over? Wait.

Matt (01:23:43.431)
Hey, answer the question, please.

Spencer (01:23:49.393)
yeah, it doesn't explain Rebel Moon. Listen, what's your score? What's your score?

Chris (01:23:55.926)
I've already seen it, so I don't. That's double the movie? That's double the pain. Actually, three times speed Rebel Moon is triple the pain. And this movie, not, it wasn't painful, but anyways, yeah, it was good enough.

Luciano (01:23:58.481)
Wait, what? That's again not how math works.

Matt (01:24:02.555)
No, it's not.

Matt (01:24:09.085)
If you were to watch Abigail at one time speed, AKA a different movie, that change your opinion?

Chris (01:24:14.295)
What the fuck? Your back is... with like another movie?

Spencer (01:24:15.924)
Would you watch it at three times speed?

That's double the movie. That's double the movie at half the time.

Matt (01:24:20.367)
No, if you slow it down to a regular speed, you might watch a different movie.

Chris (01:24:23.097)
huh. Nah, it'll be the same. It'll be the same. Yeah.

Matt (01:24:26.734)
Moving on, no one wants to be here anymore.

Luciano (01:24:27.485)
If you watched Citizen Kane at 4 speed, what grade would you give Abigail? That's the

Matt (01:24:34.619)
Yeah,

Chris (01:24:34.68)
I watched CitizenK .X because it's worth

Matt (01:24:37.725)
And that's 10 times speed based on my math. You said X. Moving on, Luciano, what are you giving Abigail?

Chris (01:24:39.797)
One X.

Chris (01:24:43.79)
It's my equation.

Luciano (01:24:45.853)
Okay, I watch this at variable speeds throughout.

Spencer (01:24:52.116)
What?

Chris (01:24:53.634)
See?

Matt (01:24:54.309)
Smart, smart play.

Luciano (01:24:58.525)
At some point it was paused even. I enjoyed this movie. I knew it was going to be dumb and it was dumb. The plot hole doesn't really matter much. The whole plot and the whole thing is just a vehicle for the gore and the fun. I also knew it was not going to be scary in any way and it wasn't. It was dumb fun. I think I would watch it again.

Chris (01:25:01.376)
Whoa!

Spencer (01:25:10.536)
And what time speed did you watch that?

Yeah, smart.

Luciano (01:25:27.675)
but I would have to be in a very specific mood to watch it again. So I will too give it a C.

Matt (01:25:35.39)
Spencer?

Chris (01:25:36.123)
2cc is faster.

Luciano (01:25:39.239)
Go.

Chris (01:25:43.714)
What speed did you watch it

Luciano (01:25:50.567)
Those are all lies.

Chris (01:25:52.43)
AHHHH

Matt (01:25:56.653)
Yeah.

Chris (01:26:02.028)
I think you just proved his point.

Spencer (01:26:04.084)
Fuck you. I watch this movie at regular speed because I'm a regular human with a regular brain.

That sentence was 66 % false. I did watch it at regular speed. Let me finish. First of all, in physics, films go from start to finish. But I enjoyed this movie. I thought it was fun. I didn't know anything really about

Matt (01:26:15.9)
Smart.

Spencer (01:26:45.812)
I actually thought it maybe it was like a more of a horror movie. So I was pleasant. I'm not a huge horror guy. was pleasantly surprised by the vibe. It was like fun and, and funny and the action and like the gore was great. It's like my kind of a like monster movie. Um, yeah, it was good. It was like well executed and I feel like it did. It succeeded in doing exactly what it was trying to do, you know, which is not be make citizen Kane at 10 X speed, but also

Matt (01:26:56.135)
Yeah, I think I nailed

Matt (01:27:03.773)
Yeah, I like that's fair.

Matt (01:27:14.961)
Yeah, once you have kids.

Luciano (01:27:15.398)
yeah, I don't either, it's just a matter of I would or not.

Spencer (01:27:15.642)
not you know make fucking Morbius like it was was a good movie it was fun so I give this movie as high as a movie like this can be in my opinion which is a B like I don't think this kind of movie can't even be an A or an S but I give it a solid B it was enjoyable this whole like rating it based on whether you rewatch it I don't really watch anything anymore so

Matt (01:27:28.797)
Yeah.

Chris (01:27:30.158)
Would you say this movie was the Citizen Kane of vampire movies?

Matt (01:27:33.607)
Hey man, this is not what we do here.

Luciano (01:27:36.804)
In physics, no.

Chris (01:27:37.644)
It's just one question. Okay.

Spencer (01:27:41.168)
Like would I? Like would I if I had unlimited time and not like other movies and TV shows that I haven't seen and want to? Then maybe, yeah, probably. It's a fun vibe.

Matt (01:27:42.033)
Thank you, Spencer. I enjoyed this movie. It was fun. It wasn't scary at all. It's just an action, like a goth action movie, if anything. So it was fun. It was a fun time. I appreciate it. was quick. It was simple. I'm enjoying more stories that happen in sort of almost real time. I enjoy a lot more, I think. There's less room for people to fuck up timelines and then you end up with like, you know, I think it was

Spencer (01:27:57.338)
In physics? Technically... In physics,

Matt (01:28:11.623)
I was listening to a podcast where they talked about the Batman a movie we watched and talked about I think in the old podcast I liked the movie but holy fuck man Why are we spending three hours of watching him ride a motorcycle everywhere? and so this movie is just like point to point to point to point to murder to murder to death to death to you know twist here climax we're out and Yeah, and so like for me. I'm I would put that at a C you know I think the reason why it's not higher is just

Spencer (01:28:28.862)
Yeah, me too.

Matt (01:28:42.755)
this tone of like the the movie itself was good but i probably i don't really watch these goth actions like as i'm calling them and so i don't know if i would come back to re -watch it it's like as spencer said if i had time no i wouldn't i wouldn't come back and not that it wasn't a fun movie if someone says i'm going to watch it i'll be all four of them watching it's just not for me

Spencer (01:28:54.228)
I like bubble movies too where it's like all one setting. Those are fun

Matt (01:29:04.699)
Thriller?

Chris (01:29:06.157)
Hmm.

Luciano (01:29:06.191)
Yeah, like a... It feels like a horror, horror comedy or something like that. I know if it was a comedy. It was funny to me.

Matt (01:29:11.558)
So

Chris (01:29:12.524)
Like a like a Shia LaBeouf Disturbia.

Spencer (01:29:22.898)
What's this type of movie called? Like, it's not a horror movie, it's like a monster movie. What's another movie that's like this? Like, it's like a fun monster movie.

Luciano (01:29:24.827)
Right, yeah, yeah.

Chris (01:29:27.352)
Shallow wind.

Matt (01:29:28.541)
I went to the Los Angeles Film School's website and they have sub -genres of horror. So let me tell you the ones they have listed and maybe we can put it in there. We have demonic, paranormal, monster, slasher, zombie, comedic, psychological, vampire, witchcraft, and

Spencer (01:29:34.748)
Yeah, I'm trying to think of other movies. I don't that's not a terrible analogy. That's like a it's like a I think it's like an introductory to horror kind of movie. It's like it's it's like a light version of something like that, you

Luciano (01:29:35.122)
Okay.

Luciano (01:29:47.677)
It's comedic vampire horror, I would

Chris (01:29:53.838)
Did you also say slapstick? Okay, okay,

Matt (01:29:55.716)
Slasher.

Chris (01:30:01.356)
It was funny.

Luciano (01:30:04.743)
But I agree, there's, these movies have a ceiling, right? There's no way a movie like this can be an ass.

Chris (01:30:06.136)
Killer Bong?

Spencer (01:30:10.696)
Well, it's obviously vampire.

Matt (01:30:11.129)
Yeah, like I just want to see more. If you did another one you called Batagail and it was a werewolf? Great. Sign me

Spencer (01:30:15.516)
Yeah. Yeah.

Spencer (01:30:20.66)
But it's not like a full comedy movie either, like you know, it's not like fucking... like Killer Bong, which is a real movie.

Luciano (01:30:21.233)
bad again.

Matt (01:30:25.094)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Luciano (01:30:26.429)
You go to the fucking one animal who's associated with a vampire and you say it's a werewolf movie. Nice. Well done.

Chris (01:30:27.743)
True.

Spencer (01:30:31.089)
Yes

Yeah.

Luciano (01:30:40.379)
Yeah, yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah.

Matt (01:30:44.157)
Anyways, so yeah, see, I enjoyed the movie, times had by all. Next week, we are going to watch a very special movie, a movie that did so well at the box office that it streaked immediately into the streaming. They rushed into the streaming. we demanded it. I mean, we could. It is 2024's Fall Guy. I mean, for now, gospel.

Spencer (01:30:44.552)
Yeah, like this is like kind of like reminds me of like a cabin in the woods kind of although that movie took a much higher concept, you

Spencer (01:30:58.44)
Like this is, this is a vampire movie the way zombie land is a zombie movie.

Chris (01:31:02.512)
Due to popular demand. Put some respect on

Spencer (01:31:08.094)
So

Chris (01:31:11.946)
Aaron Taylor Johnson vehicle.

Matt (01:31:14.553)
he is in that, Yeah, he's the lead actor in the movie. Other options, we can go Ben Knight. We can go, don't worry about it, we can go with Iona Salua.

Luciano (01:31:16.709)
Yeah, he's the main, he's the leading guy.

Spencer (01:31:19.252)
It was rushed to streaming due to popular demand.

Chris (01:31:23.234)
the Lee Majors.

Luciano (01:31:28.551)
What?

Matt (01:31:37.54)
Mattoos? I don't know. Let's watch it. Let's watch it. We'll figure it out. Yeah, now, 2024 vehicle. is an action movie. We're going to watch it. We're going to talk about it. How bad can it

Spencer (01:31:38.258)
Is he in that? I didn't know that. the actor. Cool.

Chris (01:31:40.012)
The Emily Blunt vehicle.

Luciano (01:31:52.327)
Well, we're gonna find out next week. Or whenever the fuck we decide to watch it and record another episode of this.

Chris (01:31:52.684)
I liked it.

Matt (01:31:58.851)
Wow, hey man, we had good reasons for being away. Act like it never happened. We're professionals.

Spencer (01:32:00.02)
You pick your choice. I leave it to your creative choice. It's a 2024 vehicle.

Luciano (01:32:07.323)
Yeah, I will watch it at half speed while eating Montreal smoked meat

Spencer (01:32:15.458)
I

Luciano (01:32:18.56)
hey! You're gonna fall in my dick!

Spencer (01:32:25.)
I'm going to watch it at four times speed with Quebec audio re

Spencer (01:32:39.051)
what are you some kind of fall guy? why don't you suck on my balls?