Matt (00:00.634)
Hello and welcome to popcorn at plot holes.
Luciano (00:04.982)
I'd be more enthusiastic if I wasn't melting.
Spencer (00:07.716)
Matt (00:07.866)
Well, the internet doesn't care about the sun.
Luciano (00:11.502)
Yeah, clearly. 100 % true. Yeah.
Matt (00:14.918)
Yeah, you're welcome. We have with us two other people who will talk. Spencer.
Spencer (00:22.825)
So us is just you? Okay. Or I you're saying us like you and the audience have two other. I am one of the two others that's with them.
Luciano (00:26.54)
Yeah, it's the royal wee. It's the royal wee. Yeah.
Matt (00:26.747)
Yes.
Matt (00:33.603)
Sure. Yeah. Whatever you need it to be.
Great, thank you.
Luciano (00:39.022)
And we am the other. You know what I mean.
Spencer (00:42.865)
Yeah, I'm Spencer and we are happy to be here.
Matt (00:43.238)
Yeah.
Matt (00:47.398)
There you go. And Luciano is them. Yeah. Luciano is them as well.
Luciano (00:49.102)
So between the three of us there's six people. Yeah, we are here. We are queer nowhere now.
Spencer (00:58.446)
no, good god, now you're, now you're can't.
Matt (00:59.182)
It is pride month, way to be canceled or inclusive. I don't know what that was. We're plowing through. It's perfect. We nailed it. That's our sweet spot. Yeah. It's exactly where we want to be. We watched the 2025. Let's go with Carmen Ejogo. sorry. Tucci vehicle.
Spencer (01:03.463)
Yeah, that's either that's either great or bad. I think people are offended on both sides. Luciano, Luciano rides that line.
Luciano (01:04.268)
Yes, both, both.
Spencer (01:21.417)
2G
Spencer (01:25.403)
Yes, the star of this movie.
Luciano (01:25.762)
Yeah, he had the most importance in this movie.
Matt (01:29.168)
He was very, he was, that's, they needed a name for this movie because there's no other famous people in it. It is the Apple direct release. I don't know what they do over there, but it's the founder of youth.
Spencer (01:32.196)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:39.283)
Truly it's the Apple subscription vehicle. And they said, Stanley Tucci will give you 200k, one day shooting, you handsome one a key.
Matt (01:42.254)
It is, yes.
Luciano (01:42.264)
Yes.
Luciano (01:51.726)
The only thing you need to do is walk with the cane and hand Eiza González as a key. All right. All right. I'm in.
Spencer (01:57.352)
Yes.
Matt (01:58.742)
It's, it's his greatest after he rolls since the electric state personally.
Spencer (02:02.665)
That's high praise!
Luciano (02:02.818)
Ha ha!
Well, his last name isn't skate in this one, so that's a downer.
Spencer (02:10.023)
Listen, Stanley Tucci said his get paid era. Collect checks era.
Matt (02:10.031)
That's fair.
Luciano (02:13.299)
yeah. yeah.
Matt (02:13.99)
I'm not against it. just was unexpected. Let's dive into this. We always say one nice thing about our movies just in case they are a flaming bag of trash. So let's be positive. Luciana, why you go first?
Luciano (02:30.318)
I had to pick one thing. I really liked the music puzzle in the crypt. Like the way that it worked, like the visuals of it and the way that it worked with like the idea of it playing the thing. Yeah, the steel drums and then the sound causing the thing to not levitate, but like raise and move. I really liked that. Yeah, it was really cool. Like a cool idea.
Spencer (02:43.241)
The steel drums?
Matt (02:46.532)
Yeah.
Spencer (02:53.767)
Like vibrate, vibrate so much that it was.
Matt (02:58.63)
We're not going to talk about the levitation and the moving thing, but everything else I agree was cool.
Luciano (03:02.764)
Yeah, I really like it. Yeah. The whole, the whole like secret chamber was cool. Like the stairs coming out of the wall. Like let's not think about how possible that is. It's just cool.
Spencer (03:03.251)
Yeah, it's cool seeing all the sand vibrating.
Matt (03:14.315)
I mean, listen, I'm going to be positive here and I'm not going to mention how they made this super complicated door and just left the key right beside it because we're being positive. And we're not talking about how stupid that is.
Luciano (03:25.43)
Yeah, yeah, that's true. He's like, well, we're gonna hide this. But it's like, you got down here. Okay, we'll throw your bone. It's right there. Yeah.
Spencer (03:25.939)
Yeah
Spencer (03:33.139)
well yeah you get one easy one and it's like a skee-ball hole. anyone else think it looked like it was like way too modern? like slid open and like
Matt (03:33.774)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Luciano (03:41.23)
I wrote it down and I was like, couldn't they have just put a little indentation so she knew where to go? Like, did it have to be so seamless? Anyway, I really enjoyed that.
Matt (03:41.264)
Yeah, it's fine.
Spencer (03:47.721)
Yeah, it was.
Matt (03:48.398)
No, it's fine. We're being positive. It's positive time. Spencer. Right. Spencer, what are you positive about?
Spencer (03:53.821)
Yeah.
I liked, there were a bunch of shots that I liked that were a little more creative than I expected from a movie of this caliber. No, there were some cool shots, like this shot, I really liked this shot when he was floating from the water and from the fountain of youth, sorry. And he, like the bad guy shoots him, he's like, let's see if he survives this.
Luciano (04:04.67)
no.
Matt (04:06.848)
We're here at cinematography. That's not great.
Spencer (04:25.287)
And just shows him from behind and you see the like holes going through his body. The light was like shining through him and then they close up. And I was like, that was cool way to show that. Like without having to like, you know, show like him taking his shirt off to show like the wound healing and stuff. was like a creative way to show it. And I was like, yeah, nice. Nice. That's what I said when I saw that scene. Nice.
Matt (04:29.328)
hitting each one, yeah.
Luciano (04:31.024)
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt (04:52.806)
All right, that's fair enough. I too like things about this movie.
Spencer (05:00.477)
Well done.
Spencer (05:04.337)
Go on!
Matt (05:04.748)
I go out, if, you extract the part where the secret society from the Vatican shows up, I like the idea of them raising the ship and having to go through the ship to find the last painting. I thought it was cool, a cool like set piece to like change the idea of like, have to find this puzzle. Like,
Spencer (05:27.402)
Peace.
Matt (05:32.966)
You know, it's totally believable that some of that could happen and it was fun to me, like we're gonna use this technology to raise it up and like go through this and find this piece of artwork that has been preserved. So it was a fun, fun set piece until the helicopter showed up.
Spencer (05:45.929)
Yeah, I mean that set piece like a lot of the scenes in this movie If you go in like going like But why you got to just stop right there? and and I actually was able to do that because I'm like this is a Like some movies I can't do that and for some reason in this movie I was able to I was like And it's like a you know an Indiana Joe. It's like it's just totally adventure fun You know
Matt (05:48.486)
Okay.
Luciano (05:54.722)
Yeah, you have to, yes.
Matt (05:55.715)
Yeah, that's the, you can't.
Matt (06:10.234)
I'm going to spoil this for you. I could not.
Spencer (06:13.065)
Yeah, I see. I was worried about that. Because there's a lot of like, wouldn't it be easier to go to the to down to the boat and bring the boat up? No, looks cool.
Luciano (06:15.789)
Yeah.
Luciano (06:21.1)
No, but it wasn't crushing death.
Matt (06:24.518)
I'm not even mad about that. I'm allowing the rule of cool to have you bring it up, but let's just dive into it because we've done the positive thing. I don't think this was like an F-like movie. This isn't fucking Morbius. Yeah.
Spencer (06:29.115)
Okay.
Spencer (06:36.041)
No, no, it was actually better than, I mean I don't wanna spoil it. With the rainy, I quickly saw the Rotten Tomatoes and the Critics. They're both in the 30s and I was like, oh no. And I was like, I didn't think it deserved to be like that.
Luciano (06:42.978)
Yeah, I was scared. Yeah.
Matt (06:43.024)
Yeah, I don't-
Luciano (06:48.96)
It's, yeah, I think it was a bit too harsh, I agree, but let's not bury the lead. We're going to this at the end.
Spencer (06:53.939)
Yeah, that's true.
Matt (06:54.83)
right. Skip that part that you just heard and get to here and then you'll be perfect. skip ahead. Forget it. You heard it. Maybe just drink some, I don't know, rubbing alcohol or whatever it takes to erase your brain.
Spencer (06:57.193)
but it's a death
Yeah, Skip back two minutes and skip ahead two minutes.
Luciano (07:02.636)
Yes.
Luciano (07:06.572)
Yeah, exactly.
Spencer (07:13.962)
More than I already am?
Matt (07:16.358)
Skip that too. So I think like the big thing that we're kind of dancing around with stockpile is like, I'm terming it the coincidences of the movie. There are too many coincidences that happen in the movie that are required to make the movie go. An example is Thomas, the, I don't know if he's on the spectrum, but musical genius.
Luciano (07:43.042)
Wow! Jesus!
Matt (07:45.446)
He was pretty weird. he's, thank you. He's required to show up for them to solve a puzzle, which is fine. And then he's required to continue with them and go into the pyramids, a very dangerous place to be based on everything you know, to in a row for them to solve that puzzle, the musical puzzle a second time playing the musical notes. The police show up and finally, finally do their fucking job and track down Luke at his not so secret warehouse. And then conveniently,
Spencer (07:48.007)
He's neurodivergent.
Matt (08:15.46)
the guys from Thailand happened to show up and he turns to me.
Luciano (08:16.461)
Yeah.
Spencer (08:18.097)
It wasn't convenient, they only found them because they were tracking the police. I'll give that a pass, that's a little bit of an explanation. Give it a line, to hand wave it, I'll let it slide.
Matt (08:22.604)
I okay, but then
It's.
And then Luke turns up the music real loud and the cops decide to use that distraction to murder all the Thai criminals.
Spencer (08:33.533)
Well, you can't aim or use your eyes when the music's loud.
Luciano (08:37.132)
No, everybody knows that when you play Verdi you have to shoot each other. It's just in the rules of Interpol.
Matt (08:44.952)
Mm-hmm. This isn't the Kingsmen. They're not all fucking infected with whatever the shit that Samuel gives them to make them fight in that church, which is like a billion times cooler. But it's neither here nor there.
Spencer (08:46.172)
in slow motion.
Luciano (08:49.39)
You
Yeah.
Well, every time Lucascapes is like, really? Like you go like, he didn't earn that. Like every single time is like.
Spencer (09:04.605)
He just throws like a napkin
Luciano (09:08.295)
Yeah, yeah.
Matt (09:08.708)
What kind of, it's like he gets to the train station, doesn't buy a ticket, just gets on the train. No questions are asked. No.
Luciano (09:15.638)
Nobody does anything yet. He rides like motorcycles inside places. Yeah, it's a bit it's like We're talking about this in the pre-show like there's a lot of tell don't show in this movie And even when they try to show is like I don't it's this is a bit contrived to contrive Even like I was I'm in the same boat as Spencer. I was like, yeah, whatever. It's fun. Whatever
Spencer (09:41.341)
I'll yeah, I'll a lot of passes for me for being taking itself so not serious. You know, like like at one point it was like when they're fighting that girl on the boat, the one that he's like, you know, sexually attracted to. As me. Yeah, there is me and then like they're like. You know, he like grabs the gun and the bullets go off and they almost shoot her. I'm like my head, I'm like.
Matt (09:43.95)
I tried.
Luciano (09:48.386)
Yeah.
Luciano (09:58.382)
Harassing? Yeah.
Matt (09:58.854)
As me not that they say our name in the movie so it's not your fault, but
Spencer (10:09.832)
man he could have almost killed her there like the bullet went right by and I was like, you know it's fine
Luciano (10:14.914)
Well, I liked, I liked that they like, yeah, but that's, that's realistic. No, like it never happens. Like if people shoot at helicopters and nothing happens, that's what would happen.
Matt (10:15.878)
But then the bullets go into the helicopter and the helicopter has to go home.
It's, it's.
Matt (10:27.04)
I know, but the problem is, that all these things happen by chance. someone, like, fucking Murph and Deb are like, hey, a helicopter's coming, and literally do nothing to help.
Luciano (10:30.862)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Luciano (10:37.838)
No, listen, listen, that scene is an homage to Monty Python's Holy Grail. Cause that's Lancelot scene 100%. It's like a helicopter. Oh, a helicopter. Ha ha! And like, like how long did it take? I was like, what? Uh, uh, Luke, Luke. Well, that's going to be a problem. Luke, Luke. Like that's all they do.
Spencer (10:41.129)
Yeah
Matt (10:43.91)
Uhhh
Matt (10:53.699)
It's so dumb.
It's
Spencer (11:01.927)
Yeah, I thought the same thing. Also, like those guys would have like, if it was any other normal movie, they would like, you know, they would come out of the ship with the stuff and the guards would be on the boat, holding the gun up to the Murph and thems head being like, I'll take that, thank you. You know, and they said they don't even go to that boat. They're just like, they're fine.
Luciano (11:11.629)
Yeah.
Matt (11:17.606)
Yeah.
Matt (11:23.518)
No, but we're going to, we're going to cover this in our question later, but like, why don't they just shoot the air things and sink the boat? Like, anyway, self problems. So like it's the problem is that individually it's fine, but as they stack up and I notice it, I, they make it really hard for me to not continue to notice it by continuing to do stuff like putting the fucking key like the, the door.
that's supposed to, it's so dangerous, no one can have this power. And someone's just like, it's not even like you put the key under the doormat. That would have been more effective than just like putting the key is here sign beside.
Spencer (11:52.681)
You
Spencer (12:11.985)
I mean you had to know that amber is the Sun
Luciano (12:17.592)
Burning, the burning stone, yeah, yeah.
Matt (12:19.48)
Did you? That's the worst part. You're gonna just be like, hey, round ball, round hole, boom.
Spencer (12:22.926)
Yeah, I mean that's probably what I would have done if I was stuck.
Luciano (12:25.454)
And apparently you could have put it anywhere on that thing, it would have gone in because there was, yeah. Yeah.
Matt (12:30.31)
Fine. Yeah. It's the same thing as John Krasinski looking down the scarab and turning the one blue thing and it made the stairs go out. like, I don't know. I don't know about the Egyptians engineering, but like they got no imagination in terms of like.
Spencer (12:30.931)
was magical.
Luciano (12:45.198)
Yeah, the puzzle making, like they had one good puzzle, it was like this is going to be impossible for them to figure it out. They had no music. They had no music back then.
Spencer (12:51.859)
well back then they couldn't solve all those you know the they they they didn't know what they had it they didn't know anything is they're like they just figure what a wheel was like a figure out a complex puzzle
Matt (13:04.485)
These idiots don't can't figure out music. We'll be fine
Spencer (13:07.465)
Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile, they're making steel drums before anyone else.
Luciano (13:10.231)
Awesome.
I also like that like to turn the fountain off you had to go like if you were downstairs and like fuck turn it off you had to go all the way up the stairs into the like a side room yeah yeah she turned she went into the room and banged another bell remember it turned it like closed the thing yeah
Spencer (13:23.453)
Did she even turn it off? Did it even turn off?
Matt (13:27.194)
What she make?
Spencer (13:30.685)
And then what did that do?
Matt (13:30.839)
Yeah, she made a counter sound.
Spencer (13:34.227)
that's why it closed?
Matt (13:36.294)
closed the roof to the dome and then I closed the inner dome and the stairs went away.
Luciano (13:41.084)
Yeah, the stairs. Yeah.
Spencer (13:46.011)
Okay, guess that was necessary. Although I don't really know why anyone would want this fountain of youth based on what I see what it does, but I'm sure we'll get to that.
Matt (13:54.064)
We will, we will definitely get to that. I'm willing to let go of, of the coincidence talk if we want to move on to something else, because we'll agree it's dumb.
Luciano (13:55.979)
we will. Yeah.
Spencer (14:04.201)
I mean, if you want to go through all of them, there's so many instances of stuff. I luckily had the ability to just not think too much about this movie. I was like, it's fine. You know, I've played enough Uncharted games to know.
Luciano (14:04.482)
No, I, like...
Matt (14:07.257)
Nah.
Matt (14:15.59)
You watched this movie like you watch every other movie and you didn't. So problem solved. Yeah.
Luciano (14:18.914)
So
Spencer (14:22.953)
I didn't care. You know, it reminded me of Uncharted where it's like, you know, he's like laughing and joking the whole time while he's killing a thousand people. And it's just like, you know, you gotta just, you know, not take, not, not look into it too much. Cause if you do, he's a, he's a psychopath monster that, that kills people by the thousand.
Luciano (14:22.99)
In a a a coca haze
Luciano (14:33.122)
Yeah.
Matt (14:33.392)
Yup.
Luciano (14:38.594)
Yeah.
Matt (14:44.962)
It's true because in Uncharted they did have a cool boat scene as well that made no sense flying around, but it was there.
Spencer (14:50.637)
yeah, this I don't know you could say this movie stole from uncharted because I'm trying to stole so much from Indiana Jones. I mean, it's kind of a chick chicken or the ripped off chicken or the other ripped off chicken.
Matt (15:00.036)
It all traces back to Indy.
Luciano (15:00.814)
What?
The another thing that we can address is what you have written on your tile there, which is it was very predictable at times like they, you know, you get in and then charge like, who's that? I'm I'm Owen Carver. I get to use my own accent for the first time ever. That's the biggest surprise in this movie was the nobblism being able to use his accent. Yeah.
Spencer (15:12.328)
yeah.
Matt (15:21.456)
Yeah, right.
Spencer (15:23.241)
But but again in saying that Would you say that any of the Indiana Jones movies are not predictable? Isn't that the formula?
Luciano (15:32.514)
They weren't back then. Yeah, but that's the thing. This is like the Seinfeld effect, right? Where if you never watch Seinfeld and you watch it again, it sounds like it's all cliches, but they were making the cliches. Indiana Jones movies are the same. They created the tropes. But this is just derivative, right? A little bit. Yeah.
Spencer (15:48.755)
That's true.
Matt (15:51.416)
It's too derivative, I think. Like you watch...
Spencer (15:53.255)
At what point does it stop being homage and start being like like a cheap imitation? Like I was like watching it and I was like I hope that they get to the magical thing at the end and then that magical thing cool kills the bad guy in a cool semi graphic way because I love that.
Luciano (15:55.734)
He instant, I copy, yeah. Yeah.
Matt (15:59.878)
Like if you-
Matt (16:12.026)
You mean like how the TAR monster killed Tasha Agar in Star Trek Next Generation?
Luciano (16:16.654)
There you go.
Spencer (16:17.297)
I mean that is a weird analogy to use I would say more like the way the Holy Grail melted the bad guy in Indiana Jones or the way the Ark melted the bad guys in No, the last crusade it also melted the bad guy and also temple
Luciano (16:26.118)
I think you mean the arc melted? Yeah, yeah.
I know I actually wrote that I asked so that's what I'm talking about the predictability because they show oh when they go oh he is he has I have liver cancer I was like okay that's heavy and then he's like throttling around and he's nice and I was like shouldn't he be on chemotherapy or something and he fights some dudes and kicks their ass on his own I'm like there's no way this guy's sick I was like oh I hope I hope he's not just in this for
Matt (16:35.91)
Yes.
Spencer (16:50.973)
They
Matt (16:56.71)
But it's like.
Luciano (16:59.936)
some money scheme or no he wants money i hope he i hope he doesn't get his face mounted like lostark no like i called it like like a little bit it was too predictable is what i'm saying
Matt (17:02.842)
It's.
Matt (17:12.208)
Yeah.
Spencer (17:12.722)
I predicted that from the opening scene. I was like, I hope someone gets melted.
Matt (17:16.742)
Well, this is the challenge with the movie is that it's trying to, like it's fine to innovate in the space or tell a different story. I think a lot about comparing this to like Oceans, the Oceans 11 and Ocean 12 movie. Not because they're the same, but because it's the same sort of thing in terms of they have puzzles and they set up things and they set up routines and tricks. Like this one just...
Luciano (17:45.742)
Well, it's national treasure, right? Yeah.
Matt (17:46.886)
It's National Treasure, right? And National Treasure is the same thing. Even though National Treasure is doing the same thing as Indiana Jones, it has a strong enough lore or a strong enough idea of what it wants to accomplish that it seems fun and interesting.
Luciano (17:59.064)
Well, but it's different enough. It's a similar formula, but they went with, you have to find all of these things. it has a theme that's different. not just like they didn't pick up another archaeologist, which they both are here. It's one thing to pick a premise and vary on it. It's another to pick the same four premises and just make it again, which is what this movie made.
Spencer (18:28.017)
I mean, that's a better question. there ever, mean, everyone was talking about the Indiana Jones, you know, genre, I guess is what it is, but has there ever been one other than Indiana Jones that worked as a movie or have they all been?
Matt (18:42.82)
What do you got against National Treasure?
Luciano (18:46.188)
The first one at least.
Spencer (18:46.641)
Okay, National Tragedy. It works, but it's not like a great movie.
Luciano (18:54.606)
I don't know, I liked it a lot. Yeah.
Spencer (18:55.923)
who melted at the International Treasure.
Matt (18:58.086)
Well that's the thing, you don't have to always melt.
Spencer (18:59.793)
Well, I disagree, sir. Show your work.
Luciano (19:03.458)
Hahaha!
Matt (19:03.686)
Sometimes you can have your heart ripped out of your body.
Spencer (19:07.261)
Was there any supernatural elements to the end of National Treasure? I don't think so.
Luciano (19:11.064)
I don't think so. Which is another departure, right?
Matt (19:11.14)
Not, not really, no.
Spencer (19:14.525)
Yeah, that's change. But I like the supernatural stuff at the end, because I'm a sucker.
Matt (19:14.778)
I think because, because-
But like, think the problem is like national treasure is like, Hey, this isn't, this is a real thing. That's what national treasure said. This is a real treasure that's been hidden. It's a real story taken from lore. and, Indiana Jones trades in the idea of, of, God and, religion. Well, like God and religion is real. Right. And so this is trying to do the same thing, but it doesn't do enough to like, the only thing it does differently from Indiana Jones is it hammers you over the head to tell you.
Spencer (19:24.649)
Mm-hmm.
Luciano (19:34.132)
Ancient people's had magic. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It matches both of them.
Matt (19:48.366)
magic and real and God created magic and this is going to happen and watch out because someone might have their face melted. Like it tells you ahead of time. least Indiana Jones wasn't like, hey, your face is going to be melted because you're a bad person. Indiana Jones is just like, let's see what happens when Nazis look at the Ark of the Covenant.
Luciano (20:04.226)
Well, the.
Yeah.
Spencer (20:08.169)
I mean, if anything, in any of Jones, the whole movie is like, it's not real. He's like, there's no, it's yeah, he's a skeptic.
Matt (20:12.954)
Right, he's a skeptic.
Luciano (20:17.134)
Yeah, well he keeps on being a skeptic for the next five movies.
Spencer (20:17.33)
I mean, I'm.
Spencer (20:21.405)
You can't help but compare this to Uncharted, which also is obviously very similar in themes and tones and stuff. I will say though, I would say this is a better Uncharted movie than the Uncharted movie. Because I would say this is closer to what Uncharted movies should have been. And I think John Krasinski's a better Drake than Tom Holland, for sure.
Matt (20:21.99)
I
Luciano (20:34.414)
I would agree.
Matt (20:45.814)
I don't think it was Tom Holland's fault because the, well, it's like the problem is letting Mark Wahlberg be Sully because
Luciano (20:49.038)
Tom Holland's fault, no. He didn't help too much, but it wasn't his fault.
Spencer (20:50.121)
Well
Luciano (20:59.04)
And let Mark Wahlberg be in the movie.
Matt (21:01.868)
Yes, because we, the Uncharted movies are about Nathan Drake and Sully's around sometimes, not Sully's around all the time and Nathan Drake. Yeah, hi dude. Say hi to your mother, foamy.
Spencer (21:10.259)
Hey Drake, how you doing? You can find some treasure? Say hi to a monster for me. I mean, I just think, yeah, I mean, I just thought John Krasinski reminded me more of Drake than Tom Holland, but that's not what this podcast is about. I just felt that way.
Luciano (21:14.51)
Hahaha!
You wanna go to Harvard with me?
Matt (21:31.3)
No, it's fine.
Luciano (21:31.438)
I was just thinking this movie also, I was gonna say still, but let's say borrowed from the DaVinci code as well, right? Yeah, it does, it does. DaVinci's code works. Yeah.
Spencer (21:40.967)
That's one that kinda worked.
Matt (21:44.026)
Yeah. But it takes a completely different angle, right? He is not a archaeologist. He's a... fuck, I don't remember. Theologist? He's a professor of religion or... yeah.
Spencer (21:48.061)
Yeah.
Matt (21:58.692)
No.
Spencer (21:59.177)
And there's no magic in the end, it's just that, except for the fact that I think the blood of Christ is in that girl.
Luciano (22:05.402)
Yeah, it's ambiguous, yeah. But this movie steals from that too with the ciphers and all that stuff and the secret society protecting it. Yeah, it was.
Matt (22:07.918)
Yeah. But like.
Matt (22:13.828)
And it's like, it's just like the music thing was a great idea. was a great like twist. I really enjoyed that part. And having it beyond old art. Okay, fine. It really, the puzzles weren't bad until they got to the pyramid.
Spencer (22:31.337)
And the key was underneath the door mat.
Luciano (22:31.979)
They ran out of movie, they had to...
Matt (22:34.124)
Yeah, they read. It's really, you're right.
Spencer (22:35.753)
They didn't even need a door there, they already did all the work. I was like, I would have cut that whole thing.
Matt (22:40.44)
It was kind of like that you've opened the door. The door was the music puzzle. Why do we have to do the key and then do the other tourney thing?
Luciano (22:48.012)
Honestly, you know what would have been better? It would be is you get there and to open the door you reuse something you already did like this like the stars or whatever and then to get some other thing you just write wicked or you know, like just reuse the puzzle would have made more sense than here's another puzzle that gets solved way too fast. Yeah, here's a here's a door with the key right beside it and you can just shove that key anywhere and open the door.
Matt (23:08.89)
They weren't puzzles, that's the thing.
Spencer (23:16.787)
You know what, maybe that key was just like, was supposed to be somewhere, but the guy's like, I'm the only one using this key, I'm just gonna leave it here, easier access, know, no one's gonna get past the fucking song part, you know. Music doesn't even exist yet. If you get this far, congrats.
Luciano (23:23.52)
Yeah, it's just gonna be convenient. Yeah.
Matt (23:26.726)
The engineers like, it's fine. They're not getting past the music. We've already, the puzzle budget's blown. We don't have any more money to hide this thing. Like, fuck it. Yeah.
Luciano (23:34.318)
Yeah, yeah, we're running behind three weeks on this project already Let's just leave the key here Nobody's gonna know that this little ball of amber is a key. Come on
Spencer (23:47.997)
Tell you what, if you get this fur, you're allowed to melt.
Luciano (23:50.382)
Yeah, you're allowed a free one.
Matt (23:50.958)
Yep.
Yeah, I think, I think that's it. The puzzles weren't bad. It's, it's the idea like of, and it's uncharted. It's like the three way. It reminds me of the mummy a little bit, right? Or the mummy had, had the like, three factions fighting, right? So you have like, but the key with the mummy is that it's grave robbers, the, you know, the good guys and then the defenders. And so it's easier than
Luciano (24:07.032)
Yeah.
Three factions fighting against each other? Yeah.
Spencer (24:21.937)
You must have read from the book!
Matt (24:25.262)
Yeah, but it's easier than the cops and the good guys who are like thieves. They are criminals. I don't like
Luciano (24:32.143)
Yeah, it's like, we're not grave robbers. Yes, you are. What are you talking about?
Matt (24:35.108)
Yes, you are. our name is going to be like synonymous with the greatest finds. You stole six paintings, my guy.
Spencer (24:35.667)
Yeah.
Luciano (24:43.49)
Your name is already on the news for like six different high profile... like arts theft. It's already fu- you're already fucked! Like... Yeah.
Spencer (24:44.104)
Yeah
Spencer (24:51.741)
Yeah, I would rather they were just they were just full out thieves. That'll be a little scummy. Make it more interesting.
Matt (24:58.406)
That's fine, right? It's like, and he's like the guy, the cop, Inspector Abbas is right, he's like, looks like I found the criminals and they are in the same place. It's like, guilty as fuck.
Luciano (25:07.51)
Yeah, you know what? You know what the biggest stretch of suspension of disbelief was in this movie? That Interpol actually got something done. That was the biggest one. Yeah.
Spencer (25:08.286)
Case closed. Yeah, exactly.
Spencer (25:18.633)
shots fired at Interpol. You're on a list.
Matt (25:22.206)
The biggest, the biggest miss, the biggest miss number of the Interpol is like, they're, they're fucking like, they're Pinkertons, they're paid private police. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, who gives a fuck what Interpol does? They're not real cops.
Luciano (25:29.71)
They are 100%. That's the perfect way of discussing. More than Pinkerton's. That's what they are. 100%. Yeah.
Spencer (25:39.753)
that like security police?
Luciano (25:39.917)
Yeah.
Matt (25:42.34)
Like, kind of.
Spencer (25:43.101)
Like they write you a ticket that you don't have to pay?
Luciano (25:43.286)
They don't really have actual jurisdiction anywhere, right? They have to operate with local law enforcement because there's no world authority that can give them jurisdiction over everywhere. So what do they do? They go, hey, police, guys, you're the police. Just help me, just help me. Come on, that guy's a criminal.
Spencer (26:04.797)
Yeah, suck my Interpol.
Luciano (26:08.286)
Yeah, cool.
Matt (26:09.456)
Hey guys, it's your boy Blaze with Interpol.
Spencer (26:11.646)
It's a boy plans. So my jurisdiction
Luciano (26:15.756)
Yeah. Hey chat, do you guys think I should arrest this guy? Five bits and I'll shoot him.
Matt (26:24.326)
Should we attack this pyramid chat?
Spencer (26:27.689)
That was also crazy when they're just like, let's go to war. I was like, I don't know if you should go to war on the pyramids.
Matt (26:30.778)
Yeah, that's-
This is Spencer is a good point. Let's this is time for questions because we're we're we're dancing all around circling like vultures around the big question in this movie. And it's a favorite of ours. We've it's a bit of a variation. But who is the dumbest character in this movie to set the scene? You might need it. I'm going to set the scene on who we're going to talk about just so you know, there's some extraneous characters, but it's a long list because they all play a part.
Luciano (26:39.512)
Circling, yeah
Luciano (26:49.326)
Do you have half an hour?
Ha ha!
Matt (27:02.392)
in stupidity.
Luciano (27:03.608)
Just say what it is, is you're listing the characters and their names so that Spencer knows what we're talking about. Okay.
Matt (27:08.772)
Yeah, obviously. Everyone else listening knows, but Spencer does not. Luke Perdue, John Krasinski character. Charlotte Perdue. You're muted, Spencer, if you're trying to talk to us. Or you unplugged yourself.
Luciano (27:16.77)
Natalie Port.
Spencer (27:22.545)
I wasn't, I was just melting things.
Matt (27:25.002)
great. We also have Esmish. She's the hot chick that John Krasnicki's trying to bang. We have Inspector... Maybe. See, Spencer said the exact same thing I did, which is they flirted the same way. Inspector Abbas, Owen Carver, Murph, Deb, and Thomas, who didn't get a last name, but that's Charlotte's kid. Yeah.
Spencer (27:26.259)
for dramatic effect.
Spencer (27:32.199)
His sister?
Luciano (27:34.625)
no. no.
Luciano (27:49.07)
Trout's on, yeah.
Okay, from
Matt (27:53.222)
We can nominate whoever we want. Um, let's start with dumbest this is that Let's just go through the names and then we can rank them after we discuss their pros and cons. Let's do the easy one first Thomas Thomas shows up he bats a thousand He asked good questions of Owen Carver in terms of like what's it like being rich? He solved the puzzle on the wicked Bible and then he plays the song which
Luciano (28:18.062)
Twice.
Matt (28:21.442)
opens the gateway to the fountain of youth.
Spencer (28:22.633)
Hmm.
Luciano (28:24.728)
But more than that, he's an 11 year old that got to travel everywhere on a private plane and go on an adventure with his mom and his uncle. That kid is the smartest. yeah, exactly, yeah, at 11, he's 11. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, imagine this. Imagine.
Matt (28:29.254)
Yeah.
Matt (28:37.254)
Hound champagne. Yeah. Yeah.
Spencer (28:42.089)
And you got to see that guy melt live. No. And I watched, I I was waiting for it.
Matt (28:45.102)
Right. No one, no one shielded him from that for some reason. It didn't happen. Yeah. Hey guys. I saw, I saw that guy melted in my summer break.
Luciano (28:51.114)
Imagine him going back to school like the stories is gonna have to tell holy shit
Spencer (28:54.119)
Yeah. How was your break?
Luciano (28:58.73)
In, I saw a guy melt underneath the pyramids of Giza.
Spencer (29:02.825)
Yeah, yeah, right. No, seriously. I filmed it. I put it on tik-tok Your boy Thomas this is that famous billionaire Owen Carter
Matt (29:02.946)
Yeah, yeah.
Luciano (29:06.376)
Yeah, I put it on Instagram and on TikTok. we got the Mel team live. You guys are seeing a guy melt live on Twitch.
Matt (29:09.68)
Hey guys, it's your boy Blaze, live at the Fear Mizzou Giza.
Matt (29:21.03)
This guy's Owen Carver the billionaire. What an idiot.
Spencer (29:22.057)
the
Luciano (29:24.054)
I just flew here on this plane, drank this champagne, now watch me melt.
Spencer (29:27.881)
we get an F in the chat for Carver who's melting right now in front of our eyes. RIP Owen. Kind of a douche.
Matt (29:29.438)
Yeah. Rip Owen. All right. So.
Luciano (29:35.246)
I have to say he's the smartest of them all.
Matt (29:39.778)
Yeah, let's I think that's true, but let's just go through everybody else. maybe we maybe I don't know as me is a good place to start.
So she is the, not the leader as you find out of the secret society, but the in feel that's like she's the detective to the captain, Stanley Tucci's captain who gives her wise words, I guess, but doesn't do anything. Yeah, sage advice. She, her job, as far as I understand, and they say is to stop anybody from getting to the fountain of youth at all costs.
Luciano (29:53.25)
The main enforcer, I guess, right?
Luciano (30:04.472)
Sage advice, yeah.
Spencer (30:16.265)
The same as the guys from the Mummy.
Matt (30:18.854)
100 % the difference between the guys from the mummy and her is The guys from the mummy actually try to stop them from getting inside Whereas she even though I assumed and maybe I'm wrong. She knows where the fountain is She zoes up way too late to stop anybody from getting in there
Luciano (30:33.422)
100%.
Spencer (30:36.521)
That's Was she? Yeah, that's true. Why didn't she go there?
Luciano (30:38.616)
Yeah. I don't know if she's dumb, but she's definitely incompetent. At the very least.
Matt (30:45.71)
I'm willing to... Like there's some level of like she does like much like the guys from the Mummy. They don't want to actually kill anybody.
Spencer (30:52.184)
the guys from the mummy kill plenty.
Luciano (30:52.236)
Right, right.
Matt (30:54.672)
But they're trying not to.
Spencer (30:55.951)
Mmm, so you say.
Luciano (30:58.456)
She tried harder. Let's put it this way. She tried harder not to kill anybody.
Matt (31:00.09)
Yeah. Yes. Which is fine. I respect that. Yeah. That's cool. But at some point, like my biggest thing for her is that the last act where she's just like needs to stop him and is nowhere in sight until they are inside the fountain. And then she shows up at the end. Yeah.
Spencer (31:00.349)
Yeah. She even said, I'm trying not to kill you. And I actually liked that she said that.
Luciano (31:16.642)
Yeah, she's always way too late going to places she presumably already know of, right? Like, why wasn't she just, okay, we're not gonna, like she tries to get the painting from him in Thailand, right?
Matt (31:23.238)
Right.
Spencer (31:31.721)
I mean, if you really want to stop them from getting in there, just take the fucking key that's under the doormat. Take that orb. Done.
Luciano (31:38.966)
Yeah, for example. Or she could have just gone, okay, so we didn't get the painting back from them. Why don't we set up some sort of a barricade around the pyramids when they invariably find out we just were ready for them instead of showing up 10 minutes too late for everything.
Matt (31:39.728)
Yeah. There are so many places where like you could just hide something or.
Matt (32:01.51)
I, yeah, that's, so that's the biggest strike against her ability to do her job.
Luciano (32:05.036)
Yeah, because she knew about the Bible. She tells Stanley Tuches, like, they know they got the Bible. It's like, no.
Matt (32:08.538)
Yep. Yeah.
Spencer (32:10.139)
Is that really on her though? I mean, they have this whole friggin' giant organization apparently that you have to use this key to destroy those things. Like you could just like put one of those fucking steel drums out of tune and then it's like, doong doong doong,
Luciano (32:24.32)
Or take it away. Just take one away. Take one away. Done.
Matt (32:27.184)
Granted, but in the case of is she the dumbest person in this movie, it's her decisions around the third act and not showing up in time. That's the only strike I see against her. Everything else, she's trying to do her job. She's trying not to kill people.
Spencer (32:31.948)
no.
Luciano (32:40.206)
Yeah, and it's more incompetence than sheer stupidity, I would say.
Spencer (32:45.161)
She just waited because she wanted to run into John Krasinski because she wanted to get her...
Luciano (32:48.568)
Yeah, I think that was it. She was playing hard to get, but she was interested as well. She definitely was at the end.
Matt (32:51.726)
I get it. Okay.
All right, so the case for Esme has been made. Let's put Murph and Deb together at the same time. They're, then, not really.
Luciano (33:03.31)
Together they both count as one character.
Spencer (33:08.386)
I would say that's yeah, together they make up like, I'd say together they make up like
Luciano (33:15.214)
quarter of a character.
Spencer (33:16.219)
like like four cameos.
Luciano (33:19.502)
But are they dumb? think that's the question. Not whether they should have been in the movie.
Matt (33:24.902)
Okay, so.
Do they do a bad job? The boat? Yes, they do nothing.
Luciano (33:30.69)
Yes, 100 percent.
Spencer (33:32.745)
They're also dumb because like
They're all doing this to make their, like, Krasinski's family name famous? Like, what do they get out of this?
Luciano (33:44.598)
That's true. What is it that they're getting out of this?
Spencer (33:46.281)
So we're not getting money.
Matt (33:46.97)
Like they, like if I was on the crew, I'd at least want to fucking see the phone. Like I'm doing all this shit. Let me get it on the action. Like let me see it.
Spencer (33:53.009)
Yeah. And I want, I want a citation on the, on the discovery.
Luciano (33:53.965)
Yeah.
Matt (33:59.044)
Yeah. Yeah. Put Patrick Murphy down on the discovery.
Luciano (33:59.757)
Yeah, for sure.
Spencer (34:05.171)
Boom.
Luciano (34:05.676)
Nobody will know who that is. It's just Murph. It's just Murph. Mother's milk. Yeah.
Matt (34:07.312)
That's Murph.
Spencer (34:09.137)
Is that mother's milk? Okay, that's all I know, M.S.
Matt (34:09.99)
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Spencer (34:15.049)
I mean, yeah, they're dumb. mean, they're dumb. They're not enough. They're not there enough to make evidence.
Matt (34:15.503)
Okay, so.
Luciano (34:17.042)
That's it? But they're pretty high. But they're pretty high in the dumb scale, I would say. Yeah.
Matt (34:22.662)
Like functioning? Yeah.
Spencer (34:23.357)
Well, the fact that there are so few scenes and in that one few scenes are in, make really bad decisions.
Luciano (34:30.25)
Also, like the decision of trying to go after the like the Owens goons, like the two of them with no guns versus people with like .50 anti-tank guns, like it's not...
Matt (34:30.542)
Like, the pyramid. Yeah.
Matt (34:44.112)
Well, mean, that's, that's, let's, they get like a point one negative score to inspector Abbas is like a hundred percent incompetence. Before we jump to inspector Abbas, I'll just say that like the idea that they were going to attack them and not have guns, but then they got a gun and Deb clearly shot a guy, but didn't turn around and shoot the guys. just attacked to me. It was just like, I mean, what are you doing here? You deserve to get shot.
Luciano (34:53.181)
my god. Yeah.
Luciano (35:07.79)
Dumb again, yeah. Yes.
Spencer (35:11.443)
And they did.
Matt (35:11.718)
All right. And they did. Let's talk about Inspector Detective Abbas. Listed as Inspector in IMDB, said as detective in the movie, multiple times. It's fine.
Spencer (35:13.936)
RIP. F in chat.
Luciano (35:24.758)
multiple times in the movie. Yeah.
Spencer (35:27.367)
His name is Detective Inspector.
Luciano (35:30.008)
That's what I said too in the pre-show, was like, his name is Detective. That's why they called him a detective.
Matt (35:33.862)
Spencer, Spencer, I've been orating a bit too much. Can you take us through Inspector Detective Abbas's foibles, as it were?
Spencer (35:42.951)
I mean, probably one of his dumbest moves is the siege on the pyramid where he walks up to the people who they have the surprise on and says, hey, I might thinking about storming this place. You guys wanna like do a little war here on the pyramids on this ancient?
Matt (35:50.203)
Mm-hmm.
Luciano (35:52.898)
Yes!
Luciano (36:01.518)
You guys cool with that? You guys cool with that?
Matt (36:01.528)
It's your boy Habas, we're coming through the front door. You cool with that?
Spencer (36:10.313)
you know wonder of the world you wanna you have a gunfight here
Luciano (36:12.748)
The last standing wonder of the world.
Spencer (36:16.489)
And I'm like, I'm pretty sure that you can't just like, like create a base like on the pyramids without, I mean, they call, they don't have to storm that place themselves. That's like a, I'm sure they could put the call in to get a gigantic army to come take them out of there. Cause that's like one of the greatest wonders of the world. They're going to be like, you can't, we're closed. It's like the busiest place on earth.
Matt (36:34.182)
Sure.
It was just an off day for the Piripin. No one hangs around that day. Yeah.
Luciano (36:43.918)
I think I the dumbest part of that plan is him walking up there alone and going, oh, I wanted to visit the pyramids. It's close for our private function, but I wanted to go. Can I go? No? Aw, come on, let me go. No. All right, bye.
Spencer (37:02.066)
It's private.
Matt (37:06.502)
I got a big stick, do have a big stick? And I don't think he understands what big sticks are. He pulls out a hand gun and they mount 50 caliber machine guns.
Luciano (37:08.844)
Yeah. No, he doesn't. Yeah.
Spencer (37:10.575)
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Spencer (37:16.22)
Yeah
Luciano (37:16.47)
He has a, he has a like a nine millimeter pistol. Yeah.
Matt (37:19.291)
Yeah.
Spencer (37:21.069)
I think a better strategy would have been like as he walks up he has four trained snipers shoot all of them in the head. You know?
Matt (37:28.164)
anything.
Luciano (37:29.688)
Yeah.
Matt (37:30.722)
Anything other than drive your truck up very obviously in one line at a team that has clearly dug in and made defensive lines.
Spencer (37:33.107)
straight in M1 line in a singular line.
Spencer (37:40.657)
Yeah, I-
Luciano (37:40.75)
Also driving through the desert in black cars that can be seen probably kilometers away Yeah So pretty dumb
Matt (37:47.79)
That makes sense.
Spencer (37:49.031)
Listen, this is Interpol not, you know, they don't have proper training. They're hired by the city.
Matt (37:55.184)
they don't have any training.
Luciano (37:55.828)
Hahaha!
They're hired by Twitch.
Matt (38:01.05)
fair.
Spencer (38:03.177)
But now I that was one of his dumbest things I He Also Like lets them get Again this they have a SWAT team and he still gets the jump like gets jumped by like a group of gang members Which is like how are you not? Watching your six I guess if they just walk in the room behind them and they're all taken I mean that's also as men's fault to a degree
Matt (38:32.358)
Sure, but it is.
It feels like, and maybe this is just like hindsight being 20-20, but it feels like when you're dealing with someone who stole art from a bunch of people, you should know if anybody else is looking for the art or is going to create problems.
Luciano (38:48.579)
Yeah.
Spencer (38:48.797)
I mean, said he was watching them for a year and a half and I'm like, well, they've done like 10 crimes by now. Why haven't you been stopping them?
Matt (38:54.148)
Yeah. Yeah.
Luciano (38:55.5)
No, because they wanted to be really sure.
Spencer (38:57.159)
You wanna be super, super sure. Case closed.
Matt (38:59.014)
And like...
Luciano (39:01.002)
Hahaha
Matt (39:02.5)
The other thing is like him being mad at Charlotte because she said she would tell him where he is and didn't, but it's like, my guy, he is not hiding. There's no effort on his heart to like, he stole six pieces of art and he's just at his regular hangout in a warehouse in London, I assume. And like, he's doing nothing to hide. You couldn't find him all that time, that year and a half. Like that doesn't reflect well on Inspector Abbas. Yeah.
Luciano (39:12.407)
No.
Luciano (39:25.89)
The Interpol, really.
Spencer (39:27.303)
I mean, although we're pretty bad, like his plan is is like every in every Luke's plan in every scenario is just get in a vehicle of some kind and easily escape.
Matt (39:36.386)
Right. And it works.
Luciano (39:36.876)
Yeah. Well, it looks, looks bland is like I'll just go in and I'll either charm or look myself out of the situation. Yeah.
Spencer (39:38.269)
And it works every time.
Spencer (39:46.665)
I mean, it's even, it's neither. like, I'll just grab it.
Luciano (39:50.094)
And we'll roll with it, yeah.
Spencer (39:52.111)
that is a good about all the structure sister first ago while literally take it off the wall and walk out of the building
Matt (40:01.414)
She didn't even need to be there, but that's fine. Okay, let's get off, because we're drifting into Luke and we're supposed to be talking about Inspector Abbas. So let's just talk about Luke. Luke Perdue, his moments of, let's call them stupidity. I think Spencer's hit a number on the head, other than the boat thing where technically that's, no one's really going to catch you.
Luciano (40:03.095)
Yeah.
Matt (40:29.574)
It's arguable that's not stealing. It's probably is because it goes to descendants, but I'll let them pass on that. Going into a museum in London and taking a painting off the wall and running up and trying to drive a car away. Extremely with the curator. Yeah.
Luciano (40:42.402)
with the curator in the car, yeah.
Spencer (40:45.385)
What's that saying, like failing upwards? I'd say that sums up Luke pretty well. Failing your way to the top, one step at a time.
Matt (40:49.798)
Yeah.
And I don't.
Luciano (40:54.21)
Well, the opening scene, right? He's running away. He almost gets captured. Like he's running away on a Vespa already, not the greatest idea. And he almost gets caught and then he goes into the train and then he almost gets caught again and he just looks out of it. And then he goes, come pick me up. If that was a choice, why not just...
Matt (40:57.349)
Yes.
Matt (41:21.114)
I don't know why he wasn't there to pick him up in the first place.
Luciano (41:23.051)
Yeah, exactly.
Spencer (41:25.417)
They didn't plan that out. Because they're stupid.
Matt (41:28.934)
I have, but stupid. I also, don't know if it fits here, but we have to talk a little bit about.
Luciano (41:29.154)
Yeah.
Matt (41:38.446)
Luke as being just so like stupid or like not stupid but just like he treats his sister like shit.
Spencer (41:46.279)
Yeah, he's so aloof about ruining her life. She's like, I'm gonna lose custody of my son because of this. He's like, come on. Come on, let's have a little fun. Yeah.
Luciano (41:46.761)
he's the worst brother. He's the worst brother of all time.
Matt (41:50.116)
Yeah, he has no idea
Luciano (41:53.024)
is like, who gives a shit? The kids right there. The kids right there. Come on, you didn't have as much fun 10 years ago when your kid was fucking born.
Matt (41:55.98)
Adventure! Yeah. I lost my job.
Spencer (42:04.113)
Yeah, exactly. He's like, he's like, Lily is like, how old are you kid? He's like, nine. He's like, I haven't seen you this happy in nine years. Kids like, ah, ouch. It's like, shut up, Thomas. But it's just like, yeah, he's just like, he's like, Lily, ropes are into committing a huge art heist.
Matt (42:04.646)
Yeah.
Luciano (42:11.458)
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Matt (42:17.414)
Yeah
Luciano (42:22.702)
But like he hasn't seen her in like 10 years and then he shows up and she's out of a job. She's being hunted by the police and she lost custody of the son. Like in like the same, all of the same day. Yeah. Yeah.
Matt (42:25.22)
Yeah.
Spencer (42:31.305)
Well, she's... Because of, all because of him. And then he's like, and then he has the nerve to be like, my God, chill out and have some fun.
Luciano (42:40.327)
Stop complaining, holy shit!
Matt (42:40.848)
Yeah. He like yells at her in the hotel room after they've got all the, like the, wicked Bible, like, and it's like, it's like, she yells at him and he yells back at her. like, this is not equal. Like you, you've everything to her. Yeah.
Spencer (42:51.259)
No, no, yeah, any, any like gas lights are.
Luciano (42:51.956)
No, yeah, like how do you think you have the upper hand in this conversation? What is wrong with you?
Spencer (42:57.371)
Yeah, he totally gaslights her too. He's like, you're not happy. You love this. Being on the run and losing your children. You should thank me. She's like, should I? He's like, yes. Yes. Now solve this fucking puzzle for me.
Luciano (43:02.85)
Yeah.
Matt (43:05.67)
you
Luciano (43:10.915)
Yeah.
Matt (43:13.808)
Yeah, so let's, this drifts us into Charlotte and the number one dumb thing I think is that the fact that she finally has a gumption to leave and immediately turns back around to go and deliver the message, it's music and then they just stay and everything's fine and they don't talk about anything ever again.
Luciano (43:28.504)
Well, that's how it happens the first time, right? She's like, no, I'm not going to do this. Our dad would be ashamed of you. You turned his thing into a crime. Well, and then it shows the scene and she's in the boat. And I'm like, wait, what? what you're doing here has significance and I want to be part of that significance.
Matt (43:34.608)
Yeah.
Spencer (43:45.385)
Does she have like a, you know, like the, do they have like an abusive relationship? You know? Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's a brother, but, but I think that she's like, you know, like been emotionally abused to the point where she needs his like, like approval, yeah, yeah. It's not, it's an unhealthy relationship.
Matt (43:52.07)
Yeah, I think so. She loves a bad boy.
Luciano (43:52.52)
She's a glutton for punishment is what you're saying, yeah.
Matt (43:56.943)
I mean...
Luciano (43:57.395)
no.
Matt (44:06.096)
love. Because that dad said
Luciano (44:06.318)
Approval? No.
Matt (44:10.382)
I can see that. That's very, yeah, it is 100%. So I guess we can't put any of this on Charlotte because Luke's created this scenario.
Luciano (44:18.05)
Well... Yeah, I suppose. He's taking advantage of her emotional damage, I guess.
Spencer (44:28.905)
I mean, what also what happens with her kid at the end?
Matt (44:32.844)
I he's fine. He just watched a dude melt.
Spencer (44:34.119)
No, but like she got she like got him for a year because he took a job working for the billionaire that just melted. So you still going to work for him?
Matt (44:41.158)
fine. I mean, I yeah, just because a billionaire is dead doesn't mean this company is dead.
Luciano (44:43.65)
Yeah. Yeah, the company doesn't die because the CEO dies.
Spencer (44:46.973)
Does the company melt too? Imagine the whole company just like building is just imploding. One can dream.
Matt (44:50.342)
I don't know, we'll have to check our notes, but I think it's already liquid.
Luciano (44:58.763)
Hahaha
Matt (45:03.526)
On our list of people to talk about, the only person we have not talked about is in fact the Melty himself, own Carver.
Spencer (45:10.951)
I mean, I don't think he was that dumb.
Luciano (45:13.888)
Only at the end, only at the end he was very dumb. But when he's like, okay, now we're here, now it has to be fast. Now...
Spencer (45:16.113)
What will why win?
Spencer (45:23.155)
Well, I think at that point he realized he doesn't need them anymore.
Matt (45:26.982)
But he did. That's why it's stupid, right? They've gotten them there, but everything's been a puzzle. Do think that you get there and the little amber orb's just sitting on the stand beside the door to open it up?
Luciano (45:27.118)
Yeah, buddy. Yeah.
Luciano (45:40.215)
Yeah, like.
Spencer (45:40.296)
He was like, can bang it all down now.
Luciano (45:43.298)
Yeah, but he couldn't. Not on time anyway.
Matt (45:46.372)
It certainly doesn't fit his character of someone who's calculating, is willing to lie and...
Spencer (45:49.501)
I would have liked if they played it up, like they didn't give you the clues. Like if it was an actual good reveal, like he's like bumbling and silly and nice and everything to the very end. Yeah, and then the very end, like just out of nowhere shoots Luke to force him to try to use the water, you know? And you'd be like, whoa.
Luciano (45:54.924)
Yes, just leave it at the very end. Yeah.
Matt (46:02.502)
Kaiser so say it.
Matt (46:07.632)
Yes, that would have been way better. Yeah.
Luciano (46:10.168)
Yeah, it was too obvious and he, like I think what made me matter the most about his stupidity is that he played it very cool and clever during the whole movie. Right? Or, yeah.
Matt (46:24.208)
He was actually nice to the kid when he didn't, I thought he was going to be a dick to the kid and start like giving the hints of like, maybe he's not.
Luciano (46:30.892)
Yeah, but he wasn't, until the very end he wasn't like a dick. He just became a complete asshole on a dime when it got there. And then the dumbest thing he did was like, yeah, I can see myself rotting from within in this, I'm just gonna drink it. What's the worst that can happen?
Matt (46:38.286)
Yeah.
Matt (46:49.734)
I don't think you can see it. That's the trick.
Luciano (46:53.013)
Okay, maybe.
Spencer (46:53.713)
And also it's very tempting.
Matt (46:55.898)
He never looked at himself being sucked off. He just looked at himself getting all the unlimited power.
Luciano (46:59.022)
Because he was so focused on the thing, It sucked off in the worst possible way. Yeah, no, he did.
Spencer (47:07.003)
And it's not like when John Krasinski looked at Natalie Portman in that one scene where she had no makeup on.
Matt (47:13.394)
Yep. She looked great for 80 in her defense.
Spencer (47:14.377)
It's funny that she was 80 but the kid was still a kid size
Luciano (47:15.8)
Wow. Yeah.
Luciano (47:24.952)
But yeah, kids size just like decaying. Yeah.
Matt (47:25.06)
Don't ask questions. Yeah. Just old.
Spencer (47:27.273)
It be great if the kid was like old and fat and he was like a, like an online gamer.
It's just she's like older and he's like like Cheetos Yeah, yeah big neck beard fedora peers
Luciano (47:37.87)
She gets older and she just grows a beard on on his neck just a giant beard Yeah, yeah and get as spray as spray as a sprained ankle sprained wrist, yeah Yeah, can I can I drink can I drink just his side
Matt (47:41.291)
Yeah.
Spencer (47:47.049)
figureless gloves no
Matt (47:47.878)
They can't be out. Perfect.
Spencer (47:53.347)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll sacrifice, can I sacrifice him? She'll thank me later.
Matt (47:54.15)
And it looks like, you know what? Yeah, I'll do it. I'll go halfway. Yeah, just him.
Yeah, it's doing her favor. All right. I think we've nailed everybody. So our list again, Luke, Charlotte, Esme, Inspector Abbas, Owen Carver, Murph, Deb, and Thomas. I think we're all in agreement that Thomas is at the top. After Thomas, sorry, at the bottom, yes, because he's the smartest. Who is next closest to Thomas in our list of people?
Luciano (48:05.678)
Ha
Luciano (48:20.246)
the bottom so as the case may be.
Luciano (48:29.198)
I think Owen. Yeah.
Spencer (48:29.959)
Yeah, I was gonna say Owen too.
Matt (48:31.918)
Owen and then maybe Charlotte.
Luciano (48:34.318)
No. Murph. Just because they're not enough of a character to be that dumb, so I think...
Spencer (48:35.325)
Murph.
Matt (48:37.476)
Murphy Deb.
Matt (48:42.746)
Yeah, but I don't think... Charles?
Luciano (48:44.162)
You think they're dumber than Charlotte?
Matt (48:46.788)
Yeah, because they just let the helicopter come and kill Luke and Charlotte. Charlotte's only dumb because she loves her brother and believes in him and gets manipulated by him. Yeah, that's right.
Spencer (48:48.871)
Yeah, that's true. All right, I'll put Charlotte ahead.
Luciano (48:52.718)
Okay.
Yeah, she's not dumb, she's emotionally damaged. Yeah. She isn't dumb, she has trauma.
Spencer (48:58.355)
She's a victim of a situation.
Matt (49:01.796)
Yeah. So we've got Thomas Owen. Yeah. Thomas Owen, Charlotte, and then Devin Murph.
Luciano (49:11.128)
Then loop.
Matt (49:12.806)
You going Luke?
Luciano (49:14.188)
Yeah, well.
Matt (49:16.518)
It's tough. It's Luke, Esme, and Inspector Abbas.
Spencer (49:19.653)
no, yeah, as may next, then Luke.
Luciano (49:19.987)
Azmei, no, Azmei. Azmei is even before Charlotte, I would say.
Matt (49:22.314)
As may next.
Matt (49:26.22)
No, she's still fucked up large on the pyramid. No, but no. But it's not, she's worse than Charlotte. Charlotte just is manipulated. She has a job to do. Yeah, Charlotte's a victim. Esme has a job to do and just does not show up on time.
Spencer (49:26.631)
No, she's pretty stupid.
Luciano (49:28.642)
But she's not stupid, she's just incompetent.
Spencer (49:31.741)
That counts.
Luciano (49:33.325)
Okay.
Luciano (49:37.654)
Okay, fair, fair.
Spencer (49:38.697)
Charlotte's a victim.
Luciano (49:43.694)
So, okay, so Charlotte, Esme, Murph and Deb, I would say.
Matt (49:49.67)
I think Esme is worse than Murph in depth, but I'm willing to allow it. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. I'm just trying to find out who the dumbest character is and it's between... Yeah, it's between Luke and the detective. And I think the detective is the worst because at least Luke, through his stupidity, actually finds the fountain. Yes.
Luciano (49:51.79)
Really?
Maybe they're at the same level there.
Spencer (49:56.659)
Let's just get to the fucking dumbass detective.
Luciano (49:59.682)
Yeah, it's Detective.
Yeah.
Spencer (50:04.84)
No.
He succeeds. detective fails and costs so many deaths.
Matt (50:12.708)
His whole team is dead as far as I can tell.
Luciano (50:15.47)
His whole team is dead, all of the cars are completely ruined.
Spencer (50:19.335)
and they've caught no one at the end they let him go it's a huge fail and why does he let him go.
Luciano (50:22.4)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt (50:22.426)
He lets them all go. Yeah.
Luciano (50:28.099)
Reasons?
Matt (50:29.126)
I thought it maybe because he tried to hit on Charlotte, but not even that. Owen Carver was a real guilty person and they definitely have his body and evidence to prove it.
Spencer (50:39.611)
Yeah, yeah. You know he did it because now he's melted.
Luciano (50:40.172)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. No, they don't.
Matt (50:43.942)
They don't have any evidence of him melting.
Spencer (50:47.827)
That's true, but how it even evidence of him holding some proof he did anything. The crime was stealing the paintings, which they did.
Luciano (50:54.894)
No, I hate, I really hate that they had this conversation word for word. It's like, well, looks like Owen Carver, the one who's responsible, the real criminal is dead. very convenient for some. Yeah, wouldn't you say? And that's it.
Matt (50:55.066)
Right, which.
Matt (51:10.799)
except we have pictures and evidence that Luke stole these paintings and
Luciano (51:16.62)
And like he said himself, we have the thieves and the stolen goods in the same place.
Matt (51:22.446)
As it turns out, the person who actually steals is guilty.
Spencer (51:22.696)
Yeah, they should have just said.
They should have had at least him try to arrest him and then... Like, him slip of the... Yeah, exactly, he escapes. Esme breaks him out.
Luciano (51:30.168)
Him the him the slip, yeah, yeah,
Matt (51:33.426)
I thought, what's this thing, I thought that Esme was gonna give him a job with the Vatican Secret Police and so the Vatican was gonna make it all disappear.
Spencer (51:41.625)
that's a cool angle for a sequel.
Luciano (51:43.384)
That would have been very cool. Yeah. Like it could have been cool if he was arrested and then suddenly they're like, no, you're free to go. And then it's just the elder standing at to the side. is like, need that. I have, I have the Avengers initiative to talk to you about the Vatican initiative. Yeah. That would have been cool. Yeah.
Spencer (51:57.165)
The Vatican, the Vatican initiative. I mean, that would have been cooler. It also would have been cooler because. Is Matt frozen?
Matt (52:00.676)
This dovetails, Jesus.
Luciano (52:06.722)
Because Matt's frozen, yeah. It's very cool. It's very cool when Matt's frozen.
Luciano (52:18.594)
We'll wait. I was like, wow, he's really still.
Luciano (52:32.44)
Ooh, he dropped. Is he gonna say he's out of internet again?
Spencer (52:44.361)
Just a video my friend sent me
Luciano (52:52.142)
Why are you watching?
Luciano (52:56.59)
Spencer.
It sounds like the news I'm like, fuck what? You're watching the news?
Matt (53:06.266)
you
Spencer (53:15.943)
boy.
Spencer (53:48.851)
OOF
Spencer (53:53.191)
news just came out. Denis Villeneuve is directing the next James Bond film.
Luciano (53:59.182)
Who? Oh, and who's gonna be James Bond?
Spencer (54:00.061)
Denis Villeneuve? Yeah.
They don't even announce that yet.
Luciano (54:08.91)
You know what would make the internet lose lose its absolute shit if James Bond was a woman This time it would not suck
Spencer (54:18.505)
That would suck.
You think it would be good? I'd rather a black man.
Luciano (54:23.604)
I think it would be very good.
That works too, but that wouldn't make the internet lose as much of its shit.
Spencer (54:29.937)
You know who I thought would be, it's funny when I was watching this movie, thought that Dom Hulg Lysen would be a good bond.
Luciano (54:37.966)
Two... I guess.
Spencer (54:41.939)
Go back to a Scottish man?
Luciano (54:45.534)
Whatever. we've had, we had, yeah, we had Scottish men, we had Australian men.
Spencer (54:46.461)
Like Connery.
Spencer (54:53.661)
Yep. Wait, who was Australian?
Luciano (54:55.234)
You know? George Lazenby Lazenby Lazenby Lazenby You know what mean? The one that had one movie and was the worst movie of them all
Spencer (54:58.589)
Yeah, well, that doesn't count.
Spencer (55:07.241)
Of course.
never seen it actually.
Luciano (55:10.158)
We had a couple Englishmen, right? Roger Moore, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig, Timothy Dalton? He's also British, right?
Spencer (55:13.993)
Yeah, they're all the other ones are British, right?
Spencer (55:18.995)
Daniel Craig.
Luciano (55:29.23)
Same with the Dalton. Maybe his is the Australian one. No, British. His British as well. His movies were shit too. Holy crap.
Who's your favorite Bond? Is it Sean Connery?
Spencer (55:42.799)
No, no. I honestly think my favorite is Pierce Brosman.
Luciano (55:51.532)
I can see that. Mine's Roger Moore because it was when I first discovered Bond. As cheesy as those movies are.
Spencer (55:57.319)
Yeah, I guess same as me. Well, yeah, Pierce Brosnan was my bong or like GoldenEye was like my first like bomb movie. really.
Matt (56:03.334)
you
Luciano (56:04.44)
GoldenEye was a good movie. GoldenEye was a good movie.
Matt (56:09.798)
Ahem.
Luciano (56:11.81)
I don't like Daniel Craig at all.
Spencer (56:14.267)
I like to be casino rails fucking awesome, but all the other ones are kind of
Luciano (56:17.422)
It's an awesome action movie, not an awesome Bond movie, not for me anyway.
Spencer (56:23.003)
Really?
Luciano (56:24.066)
Yeah. I don't like the extra actiony bond. no. I like it to be suave and unbelievable.
Spencer (56:28.169)
You know, like the gritty.
Spencer (56:37.363)
That's f*** yeah, that's fine.
Luciano (56:41.518)
Welcome back to Civilization.
Spencer (56:41.833)
Oooooh.
Matt (56:43.299)
Thank you.
Hello.
Spencer (56:47.815)
What was I saying when we were cut off?
Matt (56:48.771)
All right.
We were talking about the joining the secret society. Luke joining with as me like a sequel kind of situation.
Luciano (56:56.514)
dumbest character.
Luciano (57:01.294)
yeah, yeah, yeah, we're talking about, yeah, I think we've, you can find a place to put it there, Matt, and just segue into the next. Yeah.
Matt (57:07.385)
Well, yeah, so I'll just segue then.
Matt (57:16.957)
I think that's a good point to segue into our next question. Because we get the hint of Tucci and we see them at the Vatican. A hint of Tucci.
Spencer (57:25.545)
That's what this movie should have been called.
Luciano (57:25.816)
Did you say a hint of Tucci? I would watch that movie. That's what it was this movie was for sure.
Spencer (57:33.481)
When are we gonna get a hint of Tucci?
Matt (57:35.993)
Maybe that's the name of the description of this podcast. Hint of Tucci. But so like, want to know what else, like if we take this idea of Esme and Luke partnering up to protect things, I want to know what else that the Vatican's secret keeping society of keeping secrets, secret, it's keeping secret.
Luciano (57:45.08)
Okay.
Spencer (57:45.853)
Yeah, perfect.
Luciano (58:04.524)
What? Say that again three times really fast.
Spencer (58:06.473)
What secret is this Vatican's Keep it keep it. What secret is the Vatican secret keeping society keeping secret? secret
Matt (58:08.377)
It's very clear. I think it's obvious.
Luciano (58:13.666)
was that?
Yeah.
No, what secret is the secret keeping society of secrets is secretly keeping secrets. Yeah. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Matt (58:23.203)
Keeping secrets secret.
Matt (58:28.749)
Yeah. Yeah.
Spencer (58:29.989)
Obviously.
Spencer (58:33.861)
I mean, obviously they're covering up.
Luciano (58:37.902)
Flat Earth, for sure.
Spencer (58:39.155)
Yeah
Matt (58:40.281)
How do you cover flat earth?
Luciano (58:43.17)
with a blanket.
Matt (58:44.441)
great. No, no, no.
Spencer (58:46.481)
Yeah
Matt (58:48.899)
That's fine. Yeah.
Luciano (58:49.75)
Let's move away from that as fast as we can.
Spencer (58:51.057)
Luke Luke your next mission is to get all the nude photographs that were taken from the ISS space station
Luciano (58:56.942)
Yeah. they're pushing. They're pushing flat earth.
Matt (58:58.009)
Shut it down. Wait, he's keeping the flat earth narrative alive? Okay, I like it. Actually, I appreciate that. I like them sewing disinformation into the, yeah.
Spencer (59:02.242)
yeah, they're pushing flat earth. Yeah, that's their mission.
Luciano (59:05.762)
I mean, they're in the Vatican.
Spencer (59:10.057)
Yeah, so his job is to steal all the, he actually has to go, the sequel is has to go to the International Space Station, take out all the astronauts.
Luciano (59:10.285)
Yeah.
Luciano (59:13.836)
other globes.
Luciano (59:18.924)
and kill everyone.
Matt (59:23.851)
Isn't kale, Sunlook style. Yes.
Luciano (59:25.934)
It has to replace the actual pictures of the earth with pictures of a disc.
Matt (59:31.565)
Well, and also like the telescopes need to like only show flat things.
Spencer (59:36.347)
Yeah, no, he just like hangs a CD in front of the telescope. Like a CD-ROM.
Matt (59:40.441)
Yeah, that's fine.
Luciano (59:42.242)
Why does the Earth say AOL?
Matt (59:48.077)
So that's.
Spencer (59:48.856)
How come when I play the the earth on my CD player plays chumbawamba I get knocked out It's the secret of life just saying look into it man who's to say the earth isn't a chumbawamba CD
Matt (59:56.345)
The earth is very resilient, what can I say? Yeah, just look into it, man.
Luciano (59:57.911)
Yeah.
Matt (01:00:06.775)
Right? You don't know.
Spencer (01:00:09.149)
You don't know? Prove me wrong!
Luciano (01:00:09.528)
What else? What other secrets are there secretly secret keeping?
Matt (01:00:13.005)
I mean, are there any like, classic religious things?
Spencer (01:00:16.467)
Well, obviously they're keeping secret that the Pope... No, they're keeping secret that the Pope is actually... A Chumbawamba 3D... That's Chumbawamba CD-ROM! yes!
Luciano (01:00:17.102)
The philosopher's stone?
Luciano (01:00:23.736)
Steli Tucci. Steli Tucci is the real Pope.
Matt (01:00:31.447)
And he's just stacks of Jabba Wamba CDs.
Spencer (01:00:33.161)
Yeah! Hundreds, that's why they want that to look like the earth.
Luciano (01:00:34.126)
That's where he gets the gospel from Yeah, he he is the only person on earth who has the Bible on CD that's basically what it is. Yeah Though yeah the way the way that God gave to Moses In Mount Sinai, it was just a 10 stack. It was a 10 stack of CDs
Matt (01:00:37.237)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Spencer (01:00:42.917)
Yes, that's originally he ripped it.
Just the way but Moses As Moses burned it onto CD-ROM so too The CD-ROM
Luciano (01:00:59.51)
Yeah, that's what the Bernie Bush was for.
Matt (01:01:01.827)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:01:05.934)
CDR, it was a CDR, yeah.
I think we've nailed it, that one, yeah.
Matt (01:01:13.689)
I don't think we need to go down this any further. That's clearly, yeah.
Spencer (01:01:16.617)
We must keep the secret of the burning bush and the lineup of people burning CDs.
Luciano (01:01:17.613)
Ha ha!
So the two secrets they're keeping is that they're pushing the Flat Earth and that the burning bush was a DVDR or a CDR. Yeah, OK. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Matt (01:01:24.547)
Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. It's scripture. It's how you interpret it. not, it's not literal.
Spencer (01:01:28.145)
They just took it a little literally.
Spencer (01:01:33.129)
I'm picturing a lineup of people in like old clothes from back then holding blank CD-ROMs waiting for their turn to burn their disc.
Luciano (01:01:42.316)
Yeah, like just in line. you got a Maxwell one.
Spencer (01:01:47.337)
Matt (01:01:50.957)
Very nice. Okay. No notes. Different angle. This movie, as you said, is an homage or blatantly steals from Indiana Jones, specifically two movies, the good ones, Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Last Crusade. But I think if you're really, if you're doing a real homage, you need to pull from the whole Indiana Jones.
Spencer (01:02:10.611)
Yes, heavily.
Matt (01:02:18.969)
library or catalog ethos if you will. And so are there, what else would you have taken from the other movies? You know, as an example, maybe a fridge that is nuclear radiation proof. And how would you incorporate it into this one?
Luciano (01:02:19.265)
ethos. Yeah.
Spencer (01:02:35.737)
I know. Natalie Portman's son would have been a Asian boy in a baseball cap. Mr. Baudu, okay, Dr. Baudu. He's like, wait, why is your son a little Asian? Is your husband Asian? What are you talking about?
Luciano (01:02:43.15)
Very funny, very funny Mr. Pardue.
Matt (01:02:47.513)
Jesus.
Luciano (01:02:56.692)
It's too Asian, a little bit.
Don't worry about it. He goes on to play in the hit movie Love Hurts Later.
Matt (01:03:03.129)
His name is Harold.
Spencer (01:03:07.177)
Thomas Perdue, let's go. Okay, Dr. Jones, mean, Dr. Perdue. Okey-dokey. That alone would make this movie 10 times better.
Luciano (01:03:10.168)
Haha!
Luciano (01:03:14.766)
Yeah. You needed to have, you know, also needed to have Ryan Reynolds play John Krasinski's dad.
Matt (01:03:16.555)
All right.
Matt (01:03:28.653)
No, but has to be older. He's not older.
Luciano (01:03:29.186)
Somehow... Somehow... He's like to... I think he's... I think he's two years older than John Krasinski. That's enough,
Spencer (01:03:30.565)
What? What is that? What do you a Jones movie with Ryan Reynolds?
Matt (01:03:37.079)
I know, I, but it's like, no, have to, it's like George Clooney is John Krasinski's dad. We'll be the angle.
Luciano (01:03:43.534)
okay, okay. Okay, better, better. I agree. Yeah.
Spencer (01:03:47.155)
That's not from, that's still from Crusade though. We gotta take stuff from, we should have had, we needed a.
Matt (01:03:49.827)
That's, yeah. Not.
Luciano (01:03:53.047)
Okay fine, John Krasinski can rip Owen's heart out and watch it beat in his hand. That's the song they have to play to open the thing is Kalima.
Spencer (01:03:58.121)
Kali Ma! Kali Ma!
Matt (01:04:01.081)
Tech tech tech.
Technically, if I understand it correctly, I Owen Carver would rip the heart of Prager, that weird guy who was also down at the fountain of youth doing nothing, minding his own business. Yeah, yeah. So he rips that guy's out, but I'm fine with that.
Luciano (01:04:13.55)
yeah, yeah. If we're keeping the parallels, you're right. Yeah, yeah, And then also when they're in the plane, they have to be eating monkey brains.
Spencer (01:04:25.577)
There has to be offensive stereotypes. Monkey brains!
Matt (01:04:25.899)
Okay. Yep, that's good. So, well, I'm sorry. Don't forget the racism after you just did fucking short round.
Luciano (01:04:26.786)
That's the dinner. That's the dinner. yeah, that also, yeah, it has to be racist too. Can't forget the racism.
Spencer (01:04:32.635)
Yeah, yeah, this movie needs way more racism.
Spencer (01:04:38.481)
the
Luciano (01:04:38.798)
That is true.
Matt (01:04:41.473)
I think you're covered. I'm wondering if, does John Krasinski have a long lost son that shows up in the movie to make us think that maybe he's going to take over for him in the future?
Spencer (01:04:59.667)
Does he swing on monkey vines?
Matt (01:05:03.193)
Sure, whatever you need them to do to make them look manly or stupid.
Spencer (01:05:08.539)
It's this whole movie, looked like a cartoon!
Luciano (01:05:09.806)
You said the same thing twice.
Matt (01:05:15.353)
He needs to be, you know, someone who is probably annoying. doesn't make sense to the rest of the movie.
Spencer (01:05:22.045)
No, I think that Purdue should have a son, but he should also be an Asian boy that sounds like short round. There's two of them. We're brothers.
Luciano (01:05:28.54)
Hahaha!
Matt (01:05:28.889)
You know what, that's good. You just put them together. Right.
Luciano (01:05:32.29)
Yeah. It doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be discrete references, right? You can match them up. Yeah.
Matt (01:05:37.909)
No, that's fair. So is Thomas also an Asian boy?
Spencer (01:05:40.201)
Habbo.
Well, actually, Thomas is played by the full adult actor who played short round in the original India Jones.
Luciano (01:05:48.802)
Yeah, the protagonist of Love Hurts.
Spencer (01:05:50.845)
Yeah, what's his name? Qu-Qu-Qu-Qu-Qu-Qu-Quine? Quine? Quine?
Matt (01:05:55.053)
Here you go, here you go, you giant racist.
Luciano (01:05:58.542)
Queen?
Spencer (01:05:59.61)
on.
Matt (01:05:59.96)
Wayne.
Luciano (01:06:02.232)
Thomas Queen?
Spencer (01:06:03.827)
Ciao!
Luciano (01:06:05.752)
You
Matt (01:06:06.155)
It's Ki-Hui-Kwan.
Luciano (01:06:09.102)
There you go, close enough.
Spencer (01:06:09.836)
Gassy I was close quine him at 50 year old places is eight-year-old son Okay, okay But he does it so he's so disheartened by he's like, okay, don't keep dr. Jones or dr. Purdue, whatever the fuck Yeah, whatever the fuck your name is yeah
Matt (01:06:12.611)
Mm.
Matt (01:06:16.397)
I'm fine with that.
I don't think he should.
Luciano (01:06:22.734)
Very funny.
Matt (01:06:28.665)
It's an okie dokie Dr. Luke.
Luciano (01:06:30.914)
Whatever the fuck your name is. I'm your father. Yeah, sure. Whatever. Yeah.
Matt (01:06:37.081)
Okay, we're close.
Spencer (01:06:41.181)
I think there needs to be a de-aged... Well, the fridge is going to be there. But it can't be like he survives a nuke with it that's too on the nose. He has to survive maybe coming to Earth orbit in a fridge.
Luciano (01:06:41.72)
So the fridge, the fridge needs to be there.
Luciano (01:06:47.768)
Yeah, I think that's how Luke saves himself from the fountain.
Luciano (01:06:58.562)
Why was it out? That's the sequel you're thinking about the sequel
Spencer (01:07:00.99)
yeah, okay, well, what's another thing with a fridge that you can survive? I mean, there's nothing more dangerous than a nuke.
Luciano (01:07:07.086)
He can survive the fountain with the fridge. He goes inside. Yeah. A fridge that the Egyptians made out of rocks.
Spencer (01:07:09.123)
maybe that's the ending. The only way to survive the fountain is just a fridge is there. From Egyptian times.
Matt (01:07:14.179)
just jump in the fridge.
It's shaped like a cat, so it's from the Egyptians. Yeah.
Spencer (01:07:20.585)
He knows the joke exactly. It's got hieroglyphics on the front that say like, fridge.
Luciano (01:07:27.854)
And because it's just water, the power that it is that it floats on water. So he saves himself.
Matt (01:07:33.401)
That's right. OK. We have not pulled anything from, well, no, that's the nuclear fridge. Dial Destiny is what we're missing. Well, don't worry. Spencer and I went together to watch it in the theater. It was a very romantic date. We had a great time. It's not that bad. It's not Crystal's Go. No, it is Dial Destiny.
Spencer (01:07:34.771)
Perfect.
Luciano (01:07:37.676)
crystal skull?
Spencer (01:07:41.661)
Tile with Destiny.
Luciano (01:07:44.647)
I didn't watch that one.
Spencer (01:07:47.761)
in the theaters.
Luciano (01:07:49.047)
I'm sorry.
Luciano (01:07:52.664)
No, I mean, I'm sorry you went to watch that movie. really?
Spencer (01:07:55.037)
So, it's not as bad as Dial of Destiny. It's not as bad as Dial of Destiny. I mean, it's not as bad as Crystal Skull.
Matt (01:08:01.217)
no.
Luciano (01:08:01.505)
HAHAHAHA
Spencer (01:08:05.097)
no! Maybe it is as bad as title destiny.
Luciano (01:08:05.55)
I didn't watch I didn't watch crystal skull either so Or did I maybe I did I don't know
Matt (01:08:11.157)
you, you, that one, you missed out on, you did. That's right. Who knows? Yes.
Spencer (01:08:12.921)
Crystal skull not as bad as dial destiny No, this is better than crystal skull So at the end what he time travels and meets
Matt (01:08:24.781)
Well shit, no the shit they already did at the scuba diving.
Spencer (01:08:28.531)
Was there scuba diving in- yeah!
Luciano (01:08:29.289)
yeah!
Matt (01:08:30.945)
Yeah, he gets Antonio Banderas killed because he's scuba diving and yeah, it's fine. So it's scuba diving in this. The boat doesn't come up. It's they scuba dive down to clean it up.
Spencer (01:08:34.416)
Yes.
Spencer (01:08:41.149)
We can also have a de-aged John Krasinski opening where he's in the office with Michael.
Matt (01:08:43.722)
Yes, perfect. I like that.
Spencer (01:08:49.287)
And he's like, Michael's like, you should you should go look for long lost treasures. And then he looks at the camera like what? You should have an Asian son. yeah. Awkward.
Matt (01:08:57.975)
and Asian women.
Matt (01:09:02.775)
Yeah
Matt (01:09:06.553)
And then in this version, Pam's Asian.
Yeah, tie it all together. Great. All right, we've forced that as much as we possibly can.
Luciano (01:09:18.23)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:09:20.233)
Did we make the perfect movie?
Luciano (01:09:22.678)
Maybe... Something happened. Like, I hate crime, is that what happened?
Matt (01:09:22.883)
Something happened.
Spencer (01:09:26.409)
The greatest description.
Matt (01:09:31.193)
I hate grab we started off with disrespecting the bride community and now we've chattel over the Asian community. So excellent job all around Let's give a review for this movie S is the highest F is the lowest I already said I wouldn't give it an F. Maybe I regret that we'll find out Spencer What are you ranking this movie?
Spencer (01:09:37.0)
Uh-uh.
Luciano (01:09:38.638)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:09:53.513)
I think this was a classic case of me going in with very low expectations and it's and it's surpassing it which we've all experienced, you know, and it was one of those for me where everything I heard about this movie was that it terrible and then I watched it and it was a competent, forgettable ripoff of something that I like very much. So because of that, I enjoyed it because I like the Indiana Jones and I love Uncharted and this was
that done adequately. So not the movie. Yeah. I mean, I guess like the movie too, but and much like Uncharted, I will forget about this entire thing and everything that happened in it very soon. But as I watched it, I was like, yeah, this is not as bad as I thought. Is that a glowing review? No. Does that deserve a C?
Matt (01:10:27.139)
Like the video game is not the movie. Yeah.
Luciano (01:10:47.278)
Hello?
Matt (01:10:53.293)
Maybe. In this case, yes.
Spencer (01:10:53.575)
Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Luciano (01:10:57.358)
All right.
Matt (01:10:58.297)
Luciano.
Luciano (01:11:00.974)
I'm in the same boat mostly. went in with... I looked at at the tomato... the run tomato scar. I was like, fuck, here we go. And it was not that. It was... I'm a sucker for like a puzzle mystery movie like this. I love the historical aspect of it. They did a competent job making me believe that there could be, you know, stuff hidden in the back of paintings and like some sort of a puzzle that if they had no computers, it would take...
humans more than a human's lifetime to figure it out which is why they never did until now. Was it original? No. Was it great? No. Were most of the characters stupid? Yes. But with as low an expectation that I went in I enjoyed myself it wasn't the greatest movie I've ever watched. I would not watch it again which is why it's not a B so I hate to do this again but I root Spencer and it's a C.
Spencer (01:11:57.688)
my God, why are we on the same page so much? Spending too much time together.
Matt (01:12:00.355)
Gross.
Luciano (01:12:00.366)
Oh, I know. Well, more on that in a bit. But go ahead, Matt. Sure.
Spencer (01:12:07.305)
Are we gonna kiss?
Matt (01:12:08.075)
do it. I'll wait.
Luciano (01:12:12.44)
No, don't want you to be jealous. You guys already went on a date. Yes. Okay.
Spencer (01:12:16.691)
Who am I kissing right now?
Matt (01:12:18.233)
Spencer and I have an open relationship. It's fine. I just get to watch.
Luciano (01:12:27.38)
I didn't agree to that, but go on.
Matt (01:12:29.507)
You don't have to. So.
Luciano (01:12:31.79)
Are you? It's the look, it's the look per do way.
Matt (01:12:36.985)
Yeah.
It's good enough for Luke Purdue. It's good enough for me. I... This movie, like I said, I did not enjoy it that much, but I don't think it's a bad movie. I'm trying to vote these things based on vibes and less based on technical aspects. Vibes were boring, predictable movie. Some fun things, other things make me go sleep, make me go err. So, me give movie D.
Luciano (01:12:41.078)
It's good enough for me.
Spencer (01:12:41.257)
Okie dokie!
Spencer (01:13:08.38)
D, what do think this movie's run tomato score should have been?
Matt (01:13:12.953)
50.
Luciano (01:13:14.318)
50?
Spencer (01:13:15.785)
How's it gonna 55? 30 I think is like, like pretty harsh.
Luciano (01:13:17.464)
Yeah, between 50 and 60. Yeah.
This is no Madam Web or Morbius, right? Yeah.
Matt (01:13:22.839)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:13:24.647)
No, no, but those movies are also like tens.
Luciano (01:13:28.438)
Yeah, I know.
Matt (01:13:29.483)
Yeah, those movies are like objectively bad because nothing makes sense. This movie is just like, it would have been nice if they did this this way or this a little differently, but the movie makes sense. The movie has flow. It's just not ideal. Yeah.
Luciano (01:13:43.352)
There's nothing new or very interesting other than a couple of beats, right?
Spencer (01:13:46.077)
But I mean, I feel like that's the case with so many like Hollywood blockbuster movies when they get passes with like 70 % ratings on IMDB. I feel like it's because it was straight to streaming. I think if this movie was released in theaters and had more like it would probably have a higher rating because of the culture.
Matt (01:13:54.713)
100%.
Spencer (01:14:08.563)
Like this isn't any worse than like most The Rock movies. They're like the same.
Matt (01:14:08.611)
cult.
Luciano (01:14:13.726)
No, this is better than whatever nonsense there was with like the rock, Gal Gadot and yeah. Red notice. Wait, what? What did you say?
Matt (01:14:18.105)
red?
Spencer (01:14:19.977)
I mean that also got pretty low. He just said red. Is it red that Bruce Willis movie where they're all old assassins.
Matt (01:14:22.467)
Red notice? I don't know. Red? Red said red and you got the rest of it. It's fine.
Luciano (01:14:28.598)
Yes, it is. That's a good movie.
Matt (01:14:30.105)
Oh yeah. That's actually, it's a good movie. yeah, I think I listen to the chemistry between the rock and, and, uh, Gal Gadot. Perfect.
Luciano (01:14:38.599)
Gauguinot, it's the same as the chemistry as brothers between Natalie Portman and John Krasinski.
Matt (01:14:45.367)
Yeah, except they're supposed to be banging in fucking red notice.
Spencer (01:14:49.213)
You know what this was the same as that Jungle Cruise movie? Like the same everything like vibe, quality, all that.
Luciano (01:14:49.464)
Fair.
Matt (01:14:52.537)
Yes
Luciano (01:14:56.622)
I don't think I've seen that one.
Matt (01:14:58.635)
It stars Jean Krzyzinski's real life wife and the Rock. And the Rock is supposed to have sexual... Listen, the Rock does many things, but he should never be a romantic lead. It's the worst. He does. Literally. Literally the worst. Yeah, it's terrible. Anyways, there's our rankings for this movie. One note before we leave you, we will be taking a slight...
Luciano (01:15:08.363)
He has... He has the charisma of a rock. For a romantic... Like he's a charismatic dude everywhere else, to have chemistry... Yeah.
Matt (01:15:28.493)
Hiatus, is that the word I should use?
Luciano (01:15:30.07)
Not hiatus, fuck you. Are we fighting? Is that why we're in hiatus? Yeah.
Spencer (01:15:31.849)
It's not a hiatus.
Matt (01:15:34.265)
Well, we're going on hiatus because of the short round comments.
Spencer (01:15:34.761)
Yeah, the band broken up.
Because I'm suing
Luciano (01:15:42.092)
Yeah, because now we've made too many racist jokes and yeah.
Matt (01:15:45.549)
Yes. One too many, we frost alive. We're taking a pause, a extended break, if you will. To put it bluntly, foolishly got my wife pregnant about nine months ago and that is coming home to roost.
Luciano (01:15:51.534)
Extended break, yeah I think that's the way to put it.
Spencer (01:16:03.364)
great timing.
Luciano (01:16:04.652)
The math adds up and so...
Matt (01:16:07.501)
The math is adding up and it's coming home to roost imminently. and so I need some time to figure out how to parent a second child. I hear it's easy. Right, Spencer.
Spencer (01:16:15.677)
And Lord, that's all I'll say. That's all I'll say. yeah. It feels like it sometimes. My son just says, okey dokey. No, just joking. Yeah.
Luciano (01:16:20.139)
Spencer was having the time of his life before we recorded today.
How many do you have Spencer? Seven or?
Matt (01:16:32.377)
you
Matt (01:16:38.585)
You know what? Next time we hang out, I'm going to teach him that.
Luciano (01:16:41.378)
Those those was his for his first words. Okie dokie very funny, Mr.
Spencer (01:16:44.393)
That was his first words. called me Dr. Jones. And said, that's right, son. He's like, dad, dad? I was like, no, Dr. Jones. And say it in an accent. Yeah, but yeah. But yeah, Lord knows you don't want to hear just me and Luciano while Matt's off. So no one wants to hear that.
Matt (01:16:48.473)
I'm gonna teach your son that next time I see him, swear to God.
Luciano (01:16:57.143)
Hahaha!
Matt (01:16:59.329)
Yeah
Luciano (01:17:01.262)
What's a Nexon Daddy?
Luciano (01:17:09.142)
No, we don't want to do that either. No.
Matt (01:17:11.991)
No one wants that.
Spencer (01:17:12.955)
No one wants that. So we'll be back in what? A while.
Matt (01:17:18.361)
I don't know, month or two, 2020, 2027. Yeah, we had to cook season two, much like you cook a child. Right? That's how that works.
Luciano (01:17:19.022)
2026.
Spencer (01:17:21.176)
We have to prep season 2.
Spencer (01:17:28.041)
That's so sad.
Luciano (01:17:28.423)
For nine months?
Matt (01:17:30.263)
Like in the woman's belly, it's a metaphor.
Spencer (01:17:35.379)
sounds like a simile sounds like a simile you're lucky your wife and no one else listens to this podcast
Matt (01:17:35.927)
Wow, I'm the monster.
Luciano (01:17:36.642)
You're lucky that your wife doesn't listen to this podcast.
Matt (01:17:40.697)
That's fine. This is a test to see if she listens. She doesn't. Jokes on you.
Spencer (01:17:45.989)
Aha!
Luciano (01:17:46.176)
Yeah, this is like hiding a cake recipe inside of a test or homework.
Matt (01:17:50.665)
If, yeah, I was just going to say, if this is your first time listening, please don't go. Just subscribe and we'll come back when you'll pop up in your feed. It'll be the happiest day of your, I don't know, summer month. Months. I mean, listen.
Luciano (01:18:04.472)
Weak. Weak.
Spencer (01:18:05.545)
We should probably tell people to subscribe every episode. Is that crazy?
Luciano (01:18:11.094)
I mean, do you think that every episode deserves a request for a subscription? Yeah, I know, it is.
Spencer (01:18:16.221)
You know what?
Matt (01:18:18.041)
I
Spencer (01:18:19.033)
a big word you know it's there's there's there's subscribe because you want it there's subscribe because you pity it you know there's different reasons
Luciano (01:18:27.436)
Yeah, you feel bad for us.
Spencer (01:18:30.473)
So whatever your reason, we don't care. Just...
Matt (01:18:30.627)
Whatever your reason, do it. Do it.
Luciano (01:18:33.23)
Please do, yeah we don't. We don't have any pride. What? Yeah.
Spencer (01:18:37.363)
We'll pay you!
Matt (01:18:38.765)
Well, well.
Luciano (01:18:39.63)
We'll pay you in vibes and in exposure. If you subscribe, we'll... We'll say your name at the end of one of these if you subscribe.
Matt (01:18:43.021)
Maybe. Yeah. Exposure. Well, failure exposure.
Spencer (01:18:44.105)
Exposure!
Spencer (01:18:51.689)
now we're talking.
Matt (01:18:53.017)
great. Whatever, whatever. You know, I'm not going to say whatever name you want. That's that's a trap. And I've not I've been on the internet before. No.
Spencer (01:19:00.081)
and we know it! huge, huge dicks! thank you for...
Luciano (01:19:00.118)
Yeah, yes, yes.
Matt (01:19:06.649)
No, that's a bad listener. Anyways, we'll be back before you know it with even more hijinks to ensue. Is that what you should say?
Luciano (01:19:09.933)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:19:19.497)
Two and fro? Two and sue? two in sue! get it. Okie dokie Dr. Jones! Me brain no good!
Luciano (01:19:20.12)
Sure. What?
Matt (01:19:21.998)
What?
Matt (01:19:26.649)
Me me
Luciano (01:19:26.686)
he's broken. He's completely... It's a good thing we're taking a break because we're going to need the time for Spencer to go into repair mode.
Yes, I guess I will see you when we see you.
Matt (01:19:45.177)
Goodbye.
Spencer (01:19:45.865)
Bye bye, Doug Jusio.
Luciano (01:19:48.002)
Hahaha