Matt (00:00.77)
Hello and welcome to Popcorn and Plot Holes.

Luciano (00:05.518)
Welcome to what? Bobcorn? The last time it was Bobcorn. Yeah. You'll get it one day.

Matt (00:08.002)
Blobcorns. What did I say? Blobcorns? Bobcorns that one time? Bobcorns. Bubbicorns and blobby holes. Popcorn and plot holes. This is the podcast. You're welcome. Don't worry. I'm sure our special guest, my wife, Laura, is more comfortable than you are right now.

Luciano (00:24.293)
That just made me uncomfortable now.

Luciano (00:32.741)
You

Laur-ios-aaaa (00:35.42)
Hello and yes I am.

Luciano (00:37.499)
There you go.

Matt (00:38.658)
We, Laura's here on special request by me. One, because she really loves the movie we watched this week, which was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone or Philosopher's Stone, if you're from Britain. If you're nasty, thank you. Two, for reasons that were not made clear to me, Spencer.

Laur-ios-aaaa (00:54.842)
If you nasty.

Matt (01:07.544)
Chris and other Matt could also not make it tonight. Now my theory is that there will be a rival podcast. They're banging. That was not my theory.

Luciano (01:12.357)
They're banging.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:15.846)
They're an Azkaban.

Luciano (01:17.18)
no?

Matt (01:18.718)
I was thinking they were recording a podcast, maybe an Ask a Pan. Also about the Sorcerer's Stone and we were gonna do it. But the banging thing.

Luciano (01:26.033)
I

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:26.3)
If they were banging, would you be sad that you weren't invited? More so than angry that they're not here?

Luciano (01:32.699)
Yeah.

Can it be both? Okay, then both.

Matt (01:39.862)
It feels like they could have just scheduled their banging session around the podcast as well.

Luciano (01:43.161)
Right? Yeah. Like they know what time we record every week. Yeah.

Matt (01:45.464)
Feels personal when they're like, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:49.616)
Fucks don't give a fuck you guys.

Matt (01:51.692)
Well, so their fuck voice is what we've come to. But we will soldier on. Luciano's here in case you didn't notice.

Luciano (01:51.813)
Clearly.

Yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:55.024)
You

Luciano (02:02.617)
I like how you say that. It's like, well, you know, this is what we have. This is the hand we've been dealt. You have Luciano.

Matt (02:07.586)
This is it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (02:11.046)
Yeah, yeah.

Matt (02:11.466)
You can you can turn this podcast off at any time that you choose. So for here on out, this is your own fault.

Laur-ios-aaaa (02:17.094)
Mm -hmm.

Luciano (02:19.473)
Yeah, that is true.

Matt (02:22.392)
Let's just dive into it. Let's give the people what they want and don't know they need.

Luciano (02:27.838)
The person what they want the one person who listens to us. Yeah

Matt (02:29.58)
Right. The one. Yeah, it's not Laura. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, famously the. don't know. Daniel Radcliffe vehicle seems too too aggressive.

Laur-ios-aaaa (02:41.658)
most perfect movie of all time.

Luciano (02:42.053)
Sorry.

No, two on the nose. Yeah. It's the,

Matt (02:48.736)
I mean, the Richard guy who died? Sure.

Luciano (02:52.817)
sure the Ray Fiends isn't it is is it not voicing Voldemort in this

Matt (02:57.115)
I don't think he made this one.

I think it's just some some jabroni.

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:01.748)
No, I don't think so. I was actually thinking that watching it. I was like this this ain't it. This ain't This is this is

Matt (03:08.79)
Yeah, Richard Griffiths is Uncle Dursley, which is he's dead too, but I was thinking Richard Harris Dumbledore.

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:13.488)
He's also dead.

This movie is the one, this is a fast fact, that made Maggie Smith famous all over the world. Dame Maggie Smith, yep. She became a dame after this.

Luciano (03:16.976)
Yeah.

Luciano (03:25.253)
Really?

I think I knew her from Secret Garden before.

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:30.819)
No, no, that wasn't her. That was her twin.

Luciano (03:33.709)
saggy myth.

Matt (03:34.126)
Let's try.

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:35.918)
Saggy math.

Matt (03:37.204)
say he myth richard bremer is he who must not be named so

Luciano (03:43.203)
Okay, so that's.

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:43.536)
How many Richards are in this movie?

Matt (03:46.353)
three?

Luciano (03:47.982)
wow. Are they all dead?

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:48.688)
at least.

Matt (03:51.551)
I don't know about Richard Bremer, but it's not looking good for him because the other two are.

Laur-ios-aaaa (03:54.679)
Yeah

Luciano (03:54.704)
Ha

Matt (03:59.694)
Listen, who knows? We'll never... Richard, yeah, okay, that's fine. Yeah, let's move on from this. It is the Richard Bremmer vehicle, Hey, Father, the Sorcerer's Stone. We start every episode with something positive, just in case the movie is bad. You know, it's like a union or something. And so let's start positive. Luciano, what was the best part of this movie for you?

Luciano (03:59.825)
So the richer primer vehicle is what you're saying.

Luciano (04:07.759)
Hahaha

Luciano (04:17.724)
Okay

Luciano (04:21.645)
I actually, well, not to bury the lead, but I actually liked this movie quite a bit, but I hadn't watched it in a long time. And I'd forgotten how fucking amazing the soundtrack is. Just every like, cause this is essentially obviously a children's movie, right? It's like not made for us. It was made for kids. And the like, even as a grumpy old fuck, even the sense of wonder that,

soundtrack evokes when Harry first sees Hogwarts or when he first sees someone do magic. It's very captivating, I think is the word for the soundtrack. There are other things that I really love, but I was struck by how great the soundtrack is. I don't even remember who... I don't think it's John Williams, but it feels a little bit like John Williams. Maybe Danny Elfman.

Laur-ios-aaaa (05:18.576)
I think it's John Williams. I only say that because I saw an Instagram reel where somebody was interviewing, Instagram interviewing what turned out to be the lead singer for Glass Animals on the street and they asked him his favorite musician or whatever and he said John

Luciano (05:20.067)
Is it? I'll go look while you talk amongst yourself.

Matt (05:39.798)
And this is John Williams already at Monty I'm a DP page.

Luciano (05:43.251)
That explains it then.

Matt (05:45.064)
A lack of faith in Luciano's disturbing, honestly.

Luciano (05:47.857)
Yeah, it's so it's it's great. Yeah

Laur-ios-aaaa (05:49.542)
You should have more confidence in yourself.

Matt (05:51.426)
You really should. All right, was, was, yeah. Well, yeah, it's always funny how, you know, movies that are fun and good have good soundtracks and movies that are bad don't. But we'll move on from that statement. Laura, what was fun for you in this movie?

Luciano (06:00.291)
Yep.

Hahaha

Laur-ios-aaaa (06:08.54)
Hi, thank you so much for asking. I just love, okay, so I came to the whole Harry Potter franchise like pretty late, like into my, like I think it was 24 or something. And so I read all the books and then I, no, I'd read a book and then watch the movie or something, whatever. was crazy times. But it's just like the sense of wonder, like it's, and the sense of...

like hope and stuff that you know Harry has you know he's coming from such a dismal place and then it's just like wow this whole world opens up and like where anything can happen well with lots of rules and regulations obviously but it's just like that it just makes me feel happy and it's just wonderful magical you might say

Matt (07:00.632)
Should I ask you what JK ruling now?

Laur-ios-aaaa (07:03.388)
Wow. Why did you say her name? I feel like I'm going to call I'm going to call her they. Why did you say their name? Just to piss them off. Yeah, 100 percent. Yeah, she's a monster, an absolute monster.

Luciano (07:04.667)
Jesus, why'd you have to, you know, yeah. Call her Joanne. She hates it.

Matt (07:13.262)
Okay. Shi -yu -hu should not be named.

Luciano (07:13.954)
Yeah, I think we should. They who should not be named.

Matt (07:19.48)
Great, yeah, I like that. they who should not be named. She's a doof. She's a dummy.

Luciano (07:21.925)
Yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (07:23.92)
And I hope that, is it the box's name Iman? Iman like nails her in that lawsuit. Anyways, go Iman. Yeah.

Luciano (07:28.611)
Eman, yeah.

That's gonna be so good. Yes

Matt (07:34.552)
excited for that. Okay, thank you, Laura. That honestly, that's one of the that's one of the reasons why everybody loves Harry Potter. So it's good to remind everyone. Myself for this movie. I've watched it many, many times now. And so what I'm going to pick is probably a little bit odd to some people. But I just really love seeing David Bradley play Filch. Because he's just so greasy and grimy. And he gets to like, just like, you know, the scene when they go to the forest.

Laur-ios-aaaa (07:56.667)
Yeah.

Luciano (07:56.731)
Yeah. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (08:00.642)
That's good.

Matt (08:04.75)
And Hagrid's sad. Yeah, Hagrid's sad because the dragon's gone. You're going to the dark forest. You got your wits about you.

Laur-ios-aaaa (08:06.972)
Get yourself together,

Luciano (08:10.971)
Yeah.

Luciano (08:15.429)
Yeah, he you can tell he was having like a lot of fun with that. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (08:21.207)
Yeah. Yeah.

Matt (08:23.938)
So it's just, I mean, it's funny the cat.

Luciano (08:24.145)
How does it go? Like, you're getting detention. It's too bad they stopped hanging. They used to hang you by your thumbs. Now I miss the screams. It's so good.

Laur-ios-aaaa (08:31.804)
Yeah.

Matt (08:36.584)
Lucero, that's good that you point that out because we didn't mention at the beginning of the podcast, but we all watched the extended version of this movie because I'm pretty sure that that part where he talks about the screams is yeah, it's part of the extended area. So it's just to give a reminder that you should have watched it because it actually makes it even more enjoyable.

Luciano (08:43.727)
Yeah. That is extended. OK.

Laur-ios-aaaa (08:49.347)
Mm

Luciano (08:53.841)
Yeah, it's like it's another 30 minutes, I think I want to say. Yeah, it's two hours 40 minutes, the version that we watched. So yeah, it's worth it though, I think.

Laur-ios-aaaa (08:54.172)
Totally.

Matt (08:59.566)
Yeah, 20 to 30 minutes. It's a good chunk.

Laur-ios-aaaa (09:00.796)
Yeah, something along there.

Laur-ios-aaaa (09:06.844)
Yeah, it's good.

Matt (09:08.814)
Alright so yeah, 100%. So let's dive into other aspects of the movie. Let's just pick the easy one. Just a simple question off the top of the pack. Why am I that Dursley's fucking hate Harry Potter so much?

Laur-ios-aaaa (09:22.479)
Hmmmm

Luciano (09:24.099)
it's well with petunia you can tell it's just paddiness and jealousy over Lily right and then she like just transfers it to to Harry what I no go ahead

Laur-ios-aaaa (09:39.856)
I think it's like more, sorry, go ahead, sorry. You taking a breath made me think you were done. Moving on. No, I think it's like a little bit deeper than pettiness and jealousy like with Petunia. think that pretending that I don't know what I know about later on, I think it's just like, imagine how hard it would be to see

Luciano (09:45.839)
Now that's, that's, that's, that's very on brand for this podcast. Yeah. Go ahead. Go for it.

Matt (09:48.482)
That's the podcast works. Don't breathe.

Laur-ios-aaaa (10:08.632)
a child that like of your dead sister who you were beefing with, you know what I mean? And then like, I don't know, like I just think that there's like a lot of like trauma there. Well, trauma for Harry anyways, but.

Luciano (10:22.883)
I mean, for sure, but like, it's such a shitty thing to do to a child who has done nothing to you, right?

Laur-ios-aaaa (10:30.608)
But in fairness, they're just shitty parents because like it's not as if they have like one super balanced amazing like their kid is super balanced and amazing and like Harry's shit on. Dutters! It's all - it's like on the other side of the spectrum but also treated horribly.

Matt (10:33.922)
Yeah.

Matt (10:39.15)
Dutters?

Luciano (10:42.499)
I mean...

Luciano (10:46.659)
yeah just way too spoiled right also they named him Dudley Dursley I mean that that alone is child abuse

Laur-ios-aaaa (10:56.974)
If that doesn't show they have a sense of humor, honestly don't know what does.

Luciano (11:01.393)
He looks like a Dudley, I'll say this.

Laur-ios-aaaa (11:06.554)
I wonder if there's any other Dudleys in the world. Like it's not a name I've ever heard.

Luciano (11:08.827)
Probably. like, to me it's just the weirdest thing. was one of the first things. So one of the things that I noticed, or that I noticed this time around about this movie is how cartoonish, especially they are, like with the screaming and running around, yeah, yeah, they're very cartoonish. Much more than I remember. And I find the weirdest thing for me is like...

Laur-ios-aaaa (11:23.798)
Mmm, the caricatures? Yeah.

Yeah.

Luciano (11:36.709)
When the letters start arriving for Harry, how fucking off the rails everything goes.

Matt (11:39.09)
huh. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (11:42.478)
Yeah. Do you think it's because they don't think he's competent enough to go to school because when he tried to get a piece of bacon off a pan, he used a spatula instead of a fork or something like tongs, you know, he's not not showing any promise in the culinary world anyways.

Luciano (11:44.976)
Thank you.

Luciano (11:52.894)
Maybe. Maybe.

Matt (11:56.416)
That's a fair question.

Luciano (11:59.971)
Yeah, and also that that bacon was not done. It was so like like floggy

Matt (12:06.488)
That looks like Canadian bacon to me though, that's why it was pink. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (12:06.672)
That's how I like bacon. It did look like Canadian bacon. I'd say so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so.

Luciano (12:09.549)
Was it Canadian bacon? Then yes, then it's okay. If it's pea -meal bacon, I'm okay with that. It was just regular bacon and it wasn't like, you know, ready. It's just trying to fucking... Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (12:21.06)
Yeah, he took it out of the pack. Took it out of the pack, put it on a spatula. He's slowly poisoning them.

Matt (12:23.992)
That's how Harry is gonna get out of there. He's gonna kill him with raw meat or like uncooked meat.

Luciano (12:30.83)
Listen, I would not blame him too much. Maybe like a stern word and a don't do that again and just move on.

Laur-ios-aaaa (12:34.613)
god, not at all.

Matt (12:41.57)
I do have a question and this may dive into how magic exists in the world too much, like.

Why are like, no one says anything or like the owls just show up at their house, firing letter after letter into their house, hanging out, waiting around, like no one says anything, like, like I know they want this kid to come to school, but like.

Luciano (13:02.372)
Right.

Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (13:11.132)
Like, are they waiting for a response? is there like a checkbox being like, will you come to Hogwarts? Yes, no, maybe kind of thing. And then they're like, please attach to my leg.

Matt (13:17.676)
Ha ha.

Luciano (13:18.555)
They're like porters, right? They have like a quota, like a KPI to follow. So they're like, I need you to sign here, madam. Maybe that's what it is.

Laur-ios-aaaa (13:24.645)
Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Like they took a picture. Took a picture being like, the letter's been delivered. We just need you. Yeah, exactly.

Luciano (13:32.913)
Like an Amazon delivery person

Matt (13:35.022)
But that would help them a lot because like if you know, there's like 50 owls outside the house, they're not all going to get the yes no maybe. So they're all just waiting and like when fucking Chuck the owl gets it's like, god damn it, Chuck got it again.

Laur-ios-aaaa (13:43.512)
No, exactly.

Luciano (13:43.536)
Yeah.

Luciano (13:49.296)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (13:49.424)
And like, how many owls do they have on standby at Hogwarts? They're just like, you know what? Gather round, boys are all going in.

Matt (13:53.848)
That's it.

Luciano (13:58.159)
Yeah.

Matt (13:58.382)
That actually explains why the incoming class is so small. spent all their time trying to get Harry and no other kids got a letter. So it's just like, like 12 kids at the school.

Laur-ios-aaaa (14:02.492)
Yeah

Luciano (14:06.193)
That's true, it's like 10, 12 kids at that massive castle. Yeah. Well, I mean, the castle is that massive because they have to have all that useless shit going on inside, like the changing staircases and the pictures that move and whole sections of the fucking thing where people can die just going there. Yeah, well, yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (14:12.249)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (14:15.803)
Yeah.

Matt (14:22.904)
Right?

Laur-ios-aaaa (14:29.754)
Yeah. And spoiler alert, a chamber of secrets.

Matt (14:30.862)
So like the

Whoa, hey now, we didn't watch that movie. Come on. This is a question though. They said the third floor is off limits for students that don't want to die a most painful death. And so like how many floors are in? Because the third floor seems like really restrictive to be like, go on the third floor. Is that it? Just you can't go past the third floor? Or like, but I was like.

Laur-ios-aaaa (14:35.598)
a full ass chamber full of full ass secrets.

Luciano (14:45.221)
Right.

Luciano (14:54.363)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (14:55.14)
like you think it should be higher up.

Luciano (14:57.397)
How do you get to the fourth floor? There's no elevator, right? You have to, yeah.

Matt (15:00.641)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:00.9)
No, but you have to hop on a staircase and just hope for the best.

Matt (15:03.468)
She hope the staircase hooked drives by the third.

Luciano (15:03.697)
And hope that... It's like, fuck, the 12 o 'clock with staircases late. How can I... Yeah. There's a lot of things that they talk, like, they mention about how Hogwarts works that is just like, if you stop to think about it, even with magic, go,

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:07.974)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:11.609)
Yeah. Yeah.

Matt (15:11.938)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:27.589)
Yeah.

Luciano (15:27.675)
The dark forest is forbidden to us. Why do you have a dark forest right next to the fucking school? What are you doing? Yeah. Right. Yeah. They have strange, dangerous animals just hanging around on top trap doors.

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:36.069)
Yeah.

Matt (15:36.344)
So the third floor will kill you. There's a dark forest. That'll kill you. Dead.

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:40.828)
That'll kill ya. Dead. Straight to dead.

Laur-ios-aaaa (15:51.164)
The plants Sorry, that's that's the next movie. But anyways the plants can kill ya

Matt (15:53.474)
Yep. That's another movie.

Luciano (15:53.508)
Yeah.

Luciano (15:57.977)
Yeah, apparently just go ahead.

Matt (15:59.659)
Yeah, they put plants, no! I was gonna say, Laura, there's plants in this movie that will kill you.

Laur-ios-aaaa (16:05.616)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the, Devil Snare.

Luciano (16:05.71)
yeah, that's what's the devil's now. Yes. Yeah, this is true. And

Laur-ios-aaaa (16:10.598)
Just to let the listeners know, even discussing before this podcast started, Luciano, when did you watch this movie?

Luciano (16:17.903)
Monday? No, Sunday.

Laur-ios-aaaa (16:18.97)
Yeah, he hasn't remembered the name of one single element of this movie. Okay, sorry.

Luciano (16:23.321)
Yeah, well, there's too many. I'm doing the Spencer today. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I was going to say there is like, I forgot, whatever. If it's important, they'll come back. Yeah, because talking about the plant killing and the castle is just, yeah, I was going to say, apparently just a random mountain troll can walk in.

Matt (16:24.12)
Wow.

Matt (16:27.502)
Do you even watch this movie Luciano?

Laur-ios-aaaa (16:41.306)
devil snare we were talking about.

Matt (16:41.39)
Great job.

Laur-ios-aaaa (16:46.438)
The air can kill you.

Luciano (16:52.963)
and go about like unimpeded.

Laur-ios-aaaa (16:56.411)
Yeah.

Matt (16:56.59)
That does beg the question. I understand that mountain trolls can exist, but

How far away did this Montreal come from to get in Hogwarts?

Laur-ios-aaaa (17:07.908)
Yeah. And how did it sneak like, how did it get to Hogsmeade without anybody being like, maybe we should alert the old school up there with the maybe we should say something to the hundreds of children that are just around the corner. my God. Not yet. Not yet. They're not even allowed to magic in the halls.

Luciano (17:08.824)
Hahaha!

Luciano (17:16.645)
Maybe we should tell someone about this fucking hulking troll. Nah, they'll be fine. They're wizards. It's fine.

Matt (17:18.168)
Yeah.

Luciano (17:27.61)
Yeah.

So I think like I think hog word like 12 kids is the actual maximum capacity that they would have per class or per house because the yeah because the rest of the cast is just full of useless garbage that will kill you.

Laur-ios-aaaa (17:39.728)
Like, per incoming.

Laur-ios-aaaa (17:47.1)
Maybe they're all dead. Maybe that's what happened. Like 50 people come in every year, but they just got killed on the way in. They're like, you're out.

Luciano (17:49.71)
yeah, there you go. The last the last step of the acceptance exam is surviving the trip.

Matt (17:54.936)
Got too close to the dark forest.

Laur-ios-aaaa (17:59.504)
Yeah. They're like, how would you put bacon onto a plate? Would you use a spatula or would you use tongs? And then, yeah. And then send in the devil snare.

Luciano (18:06.064)
Would you cook it first?

Matt (18:12.302)
Can we talk about the devil's snare for a little bit? And not just the devil's snare, the whole puzzle situation to keep puzzles. Yeah. To keep the, floss or sorry, the sorcerer stone from whoever Baltimore, but whoever's trying to get it. So we have three, a three level puzzle. have a Cerberus, protecting. It's not Cerberus, right? It's just. Right.

Laur-ios-aaaa (18:12.421)
Wrap them up.

Luciano (18:14.129)
Sure.

Luciano (18:20.123)
Buzzes, right?

Luciano (18:36.613)
Well, server is not really a puzzle, it's more of an obstacle, but...

Matt (18:41.528)
But it's supposed to prevent people from getting it as a three -headed dog. Fluffy, I believe the name is. So that's the first step is this three -headed dog, which doesn't look like it has any magical abilities other than being a large dog with three heads.

Luciano (18:45.327)
Right. Yes, perfect name.

Luciano (18:54.681)
Right. Also the slowest attacker in the history of space and time because all three children may make it into the trap door before it even tries to bite one of them.

Laur-ios-aaaa (18:55.11)
So much slobber.

Matt (18:59.502)
Yes.

Matt (19:05.12)
And no one seems to be alerted by this giant dog sparking, whatsoever. Anytime. Yep. Fluffy is just like, eh, fuck it, who cares? Stage two, Devil's Snare, as we talked about. So it is a plant that will choke you unless you stop struggling. And even then, if you forget to stop struggling, just do a light spell and it goes away.

Luciano (19:08.315)
Right.

Laur-ios-aaaa (19:08.752)
And then it's immediately quiet as soon as they get down into the like how far down are they?

Luciano (19:11.472)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (19:15.408)
Yeah.

Luciano (19:17.978)
Devil's there. Yeah.

Luciano (19:25.241)
Right.

Laur-ios-aaaa (19:26.46)
ever long.

Luciano (19:31.046)
Right.

Matt (19:31.626)
I understand this is a children's movie and we may need to unpack that a bit more, but that is an extremely bad puzzle to prevent an adult.

Luciano (19:38.727)
that's, that's, yeah, that's not really a puzzle as much as it is like an attempt at security that fails immediately. Like it's just, okay, we're going to put this plant that is super strong and we'll kill anybody who passes, you know, they got past the fucking three headed dog. They land here.

Laur-ios-aaaa (19:49.147)
Yeah.

Luciano (20:03.023)
So if they do nothing, they can go through, but if they do something, then they can't unless that something is a light spell. Then they can.

Matt (20:10.062)
This is like, it's like an intelligence check. Are you stupid?

Luciano (20:14.155)
There you go. Yeah. If yes, you can go through. not, like if you understand the predicament you're in, you're going to struggle and you're going to die. If you're dumb, you can go through.

Matt (20:18.862)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (20:19.556)
I think like...

Laur-ios-aaaa (20:24.71)
That's like the whole crux of the movie essentially, it's just like adults be dumb, right? Huh? Like, they would never think to relax, like they would never know what devil's snare is, they got too much going on, like bills and shit. It's like, yeah.

Matt (20:30.132)
Eh?

Luciano (20:36.613)
Yeah.

Matt (20:38.968)
And then we get to Wizards Chess, which... Is the keys first? Sorry, my bad. The keys. The keys is not a bad one in the sense that, like, Harry Potter is this gifted seeker that comes along once in a century, so fine. I guess that's an okay puzzle. I mean, it's easy for them. It's skill check. I mean, most of these are sounding like not puzzles. Because the last one isn't even a puzzle in the sense that you have to win a game of chess, but it's not a puzzle. You know how to...

Luciano (20:41.594)
The keys first. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (20:44.4)
Yeah, keys first, Matt.

Luciano (20:55.141)
It's not really a puzzle again. Yeah, it's a skill check.

Luciano (21:06.641)
Yeah. I love that scene for one reason and one reason only, and Laurie, you're probably not going to understand, but Matt, you will. It's one word, and that word is Karazhan. I fucking love, like it's so clearly in the game, like in WoW, it's so clearly an homage to this, 100%. Yeah. But yeah, also not a puzzle, you just have to win the game, right?

Matt (21:09.976)
You

Matt (21:25.538)
Yep. Yep.

Laur-ios-aaaa (21:33.478)
Yeah.

Matt (21:33.9)
I mean, on the outside, it's certainly a time waster.

Luciano (21:38.129)
100%. Yeah.

Luciano (21:46.128)
Yeah?

Wait, get hit by one of those things that are aiming at the pieces and actually get impaled by a sword.

Matt (21:56.59)
Okay, but you already passed the intelligence check of the devil snare. So you would have a level of intelligence enough to duck or just step out of the way, wouldn't you?

Laur-ios-aaaa (21:58.278)
Couldn't you duck?

Luciano (22:03.886)
Yeah?

Luciano (22:08.474)
Tell that to Ron Weasley who was still on the fucking night when he got hit.

Laur-ios-aaaa (22:08.581)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (22:12.72)
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me. No, yeah.

Matt (22:12.834)
He didn't even get hit by the thing. Right?

Luciano (22:14.787)
No, but he was on it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (22:19.098)
His horse, got hit.

Matt (22:20.706)
Yeah. He had to sacrifice himself.

Luciano (22:20.976)
Yeah.

Luciano (22:25.369)
Also, the way that the pawns is very disturbing. They're leaning forward and they draw the sword. It's so creepy. I don't know why. It's just very creepy. To me, at least.

Laur-ios-aaaa (22:25.978)
No wrong you

Laur-ios-aaaa (22:42.796)
I don't play chess. I don't understand why they couldn't just walk around the board, but...

Luciano (22:46.315)
Because the door wouldn't open. The door opened when they won the game.

Laur-ios-aaaa (22:52.43)
Ugh. Alright. Alright. You might have something there.

Luciano (22:52.921)
or the match, I should say.

Matt (22:56.024)
But if you lose, what happens? I guess you're dead, like Ron.

Luciano (22:59.792)
Yeah?

Laur-ios-aaaa (23:00.688)
You did. There was, I was saying to Matt though, there was something interesting because like him, I've watched this movie like a lot, a lot, lot, like a lot. Like we watch it every Christmas and every January and February. And then also there's March, March and April, you have to watch it. then anyways, moving on. So, but this was the first time that I noticed that there was like a whole bunch of like broken pieces all around the board.

Luciano (23:08.101)
Hahaha.

Matt (23:08.748)
lot. Yeah.

Luciano (23:14.127)
The other months, the other months of the year? Okay.

Matt (23:17.024)
Yeah. Yeah.

Luciano (23:30.277)
Right.

Laur-ios-aaaa (23:30.736)
which was like a nod that like somebody had gone through it already, you know?

Luciano (23:35.626)
I didn't even notice that is a good detail to put in but I did not notice any in any shape or form

Laur-ios-aaaa (23:38.532)
Yeah.

Because it's interesting that there's all new chess pieces, like when the kids show up, those damn kids. Magic. Well, then why didn't the other ones get cleaned up?

Luciano (23:46.811)
from magic. Yeah.

Because magic don't do no menial work, that's why. Yeah. Do you think they would need... He wouldn't.

Laur-ios-aaaa (23:54.844)
because Filch wasn't there yet. Filch didn't get through with the devil snare. The kids are like, Filch. He's like, what the fuck, help me. Just like this piece of shit. Mrs. Norris is sweeping things up with her tail. She's like, that Filch doesn't get here. I swear to God.

Matt (24:05.038)
Ha ha ha.

Luciano (24:07.153)
Ha

Matt (24:07.726)
Mrs. Norris is looking at him shaking her head.

Luciano (24:10.478)
Yeah.

Matt (24:13.034)
bitch

Luciano (24:13.477)
If they wouldn't need... They wouldn't need a filch if magic could clean up is what I'm saying.

Matt (24:16.102)
yeah.

swear to God.

Laur-ios-aaaa (24:23.568)
Magic can clean up.

Matt (24:23.596)
What? Listen, why can't measure clean up?

Luciano (24:27.171)
I don't know, but it clearly can't because they need Filch. Otherwise, he would be out of a job.

Laur-ios-aaaa (24:32.996)
Am I allowed to bring up a different movie right now?

Matt (24:36.278)
I mean, if you want to.

Laur-ios-aaaa (24:37.884)
Do you not remember the movie? I don't remember the titles of these movies or like which one is which I'm gonna be honest

Luciano (24:41.894)
but I'm the one who doesn't remember shit.

Matt (24:43.278)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you not remember the movie I can't remember? Weird that you can't.

Laur-ios-aaaa (24:45.414)
Wow, are you bringing up my words against me? I don't like it one bit. No, the movie where they go get, no, I am the Luciano.

Matt (25:00.864)
It's a fantastic beast and where to find them.

Laur-ios-aaaa (25:02.988)
No, no, no, no, no, no, the Harry Potter one, the regular series where they go and get the new defense against the dark arts teacher. And then he is a couch in somebody's in a muggle home. And then they go happy and then like all the like all of the.

Matt (25:12.238)
yeah.

Luciano (25:19.642)
You

Matt (25:20.928)
Is that the half blood prince?

Luciano (25:23.237)
Yeah, I was going to say, I think it's half of the blueprints. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (25:24.346)
I think so. And then like all of the items go back together and like the chandelier and stuff.

Luciano (25:30.521)
I think it's half blueprints, Another one I haven't watched in a long time,

Matt (25:35.288)
Listen, Voldemort's Voldemort, Dumbledore's busy and he can't be arsed. Yeah. Another question I have of this movie.

Laur-ios-aaaa (25:35.813)
let's watch it for next week.

Luciano (25:38.31)
you

Luciano (25:41.787)
Same, same.

Laur-ios-aaaa (25:43.494)
Right, right, right, right.

Matt (25:51.18)
Like how much control does Voldemort have with Quirrell? Because is Voldemort passing all these tests? Is Quirrell passing all these tests? Is Quirrell like capable?

Luciano (26:00.589)
It's Voldemort. Quirrell would not fucking pass. He would have been choked to death by the devil's snare for sure. It's not a smop, man!

Laur-ios-aaaa (26:00.924)
you

Laur-ios-aaaa (26:09.766)
Well then how did Quirrell get the job? I feel like... What? I feel like he has some, like, modicum of smarts, no? Yeah. Well, how'd he get the job?

Matt (26:23.054)
Quirrel? Why? Well, think about the other Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers they had.

Laur-ios-aaaa (26:30.16)
They hadn't at this point.

Matt (26:31.82)
No, but like, that's fair. Yeah. Fine. Think about the other teachers they hired.

Luciano (26:32.743)
That we know.

Laur-ios-aaaa (26:34.576)
The Hatties!

Luciano (26:36.923)
They talk about another one, right?

Laur-ios-aaaa (26:40.928)
Flippwix great, McGonagall's great, Snape's great.

Matt (26:41.442)
right now.

Luciano (26:44.015)
Wait, hold on. Two out of those three are not that great. With children? Pick one, pick one. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (26:48.688)
Who isn't great?

Okay, no, Snape is the worst human being of all time. There is no hero arch or whatever you want to call it. Who's the second one that isn't good? Arch, shut up.

Matt (27:02.37)
Arc.

Luciano (27:05.425)
Is this your first language?

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:11.036)
How dare you use my words against me? No, but who...

Matt (27:13.762)
Well, like I feel like Dumbledore employs Snape and like lets him just berate children.

Luciano (27:23.729)
Dumbledore fucks off to London while things are exploding in his school. Of course he is.

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:23.866)
Yeah, that's fucked up.

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:28.678)
He's not a teacher.

Matt (27:30.712)
Yeah. Peace management. Double door doesn't teach anything. He's a... Yeah.

Luciano (27:33.773)
That's worse, actually. Fair. Fair. He's the warden. He's just the warden, is what you're saying. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I mean, think Quirrell, I mean, he was competent enough to like cast spells and shit like that, right? So I guess, I guess that doesn't make him smart, but it's not completely useless, I would say.

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:35.132)
Principles don't teach though, generally. Yeah.

Matt (27:41.964)
He's the warden of the prison. Yeah, that's correct.

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:41.98)
He's just the warden.

Matt (27:46.902)
Yeah, it's fine. was just curious.

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:54.213)
Yeah!

Laur-ios-aaaa (27:59.92)
competent enough to find and kill a unicorn. But you can't do that.

Luciano (28:04.805)
Well, that might have been Voldemort taking control.

Laur-ios-aaaa (28:09.828)
Yeah, that was kind of confusing because like it was kind of Voldemort that was doing it like that, like slithered up to Harry. But then at the end, doesn't he say like Quirrell's been drinking unicorn blood for me to keep me alive or something? He says something along those lines.

Luciano (28:16.196)
Yeah.

Luciano (28:24.763)
Does he? He says unicorn blood can keep me alive but it's...

Matt (28:26.501)
He just says...

Matt (28:30.189)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (28:30.64)
But he said like Quirrell has been helping with something like

Matt (28:33.356)
Yeah, I don't think he says quirk like I think it's implied the quarrel is doing to drinking of the it's a little bit ambiguous on who exactly doing what when in terms of all the warts powers.

Luciano (28:34.008)
Maybe.

Laur-ios-aaaa (28:43.408)
Well, we got the typing going.

Luciano (28:46.678)
something else that I noticed, and this is a tangent, but... And this is more for you, Matt, than a question then for Laura, because I don't think Laura's gonna remember, did you notice how much Voldemort looks exactly like Snoke in this movie? From Star Wars? Okay. Do you remember Snoke from Star Wars VIII? Like from the Return of the Jedi?

Laur-ios-aaaa (28:56.247)
Okay, cool cool cool glad I'm here

Matt (29:04.238)
Mm -hmm. 100%. Laura watched that movie, right? Right, Laura?

Luciano (29:15.109)
It's exactly the same face. I was like what the fuck is going on? Anyway Yeah

Laur-ios-aaaa (29:19.694)
just looked up Snoke and I don't know that I've seen that movie.

Matt (29:24.044)
Well, and that's why you weren't included.

Laur-ios-aaaa (29:27.039)
my gosh, it's called Wookiepedia?

Luciano (29:30.107)
Of course, our main sponsor for this podcast even though they don't know it. Anyway.

Matt (29:30.363)
listen, we love Wookiepedia around here.

Laur-ios-aaaa (29:34.94)
You

Matt (29:35.615)
wikipedia .fandom .com we go there for all of our information.

Laur-ios-aaaa (29:40.255)
my god.

Matt (29:41.474)
There's a wikipedia for everything, don't worry.

Laur-ios-aaaa (29:43.787)
That's awesome.

Matt (29:46.036)
I was just curious because

Luciano (29:50.371)
And like, I have a question. Why, like, so were all of those traps and puzzles and whatnot there just to protect the philosopher's stone?

Matt (30:01.004)
Yes.

Luciano (30:02.223)
So if there was no Philosopher's Stone, whole area, again, that whole section of the fucking castle would just be useless. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (30:09.461)
Yeah, what would that be? It's like where all the chairs and desks go for the students who didn't make it into the school.

Matt (30:15.659)
Well, it's like either the third floor is hundreds of feet tall, or they go off the third floor. They drop down to the devil's snare and drop further down. So the third floor is actually not horizontal. It's actually vertical. It just goes to the basement.

Luciano (30:24.623)
maybe that's the third floor. Yeah, okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (30:27.717)
in the basement.

Luciano (30:34.577)
The wizards divide, they divide floors like side by side, not one on top of the other. I see. That makes sense.

Matt (30:40.93)
Yeah, I think that's how it works. Lucille, you bring up a great point. And it's going to dovetail nicely into our one plot hole we found in this movie. You say if the Sorcerer's Stone wasn't there, then they wouldn't have any of thing. I mean, I post the same thing to Laura. If Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard in the world and someone that Voldemort fears, shouldn't Dumbledore just hold on to the Sorcerer's Stone?

Laur-ios-aaaa (30:50.801)
Yeah.

Luciano (30:56.474)
Yeah.

Luciano (31:09.039)
Right? Yeah. Let's keep it in his pocket. Yeah.

Matt (31:11.404)
No one can get it. Yeah, just keep it in your pocket. think, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (31:14.0)
Just have a necklace, put it on the inside so you're always touching it.

Luciano (31:15.631)
Yeah?

Yeah, there you go.

Matt (31:18.786)
Even Quirrell with Voldemort's face in the back of his head is going to be able to take out Dumbledore? Come on.

Luciano (31:23.505)
Yeah, look over there and it turns around he turns around cuz this Voldemort has to take him he goes like Like backwards with his hands

Laur-ios-aaaa (31:27.174)
Ha ha.

Matt (31:30.382)
Yeah, exactly. So this stuff goes into the plot hole. yeah, the music and everything.

Laur-ios-aaaa (31:31.515)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Luciano (31:36.101)
That's a fucking Benny Hill scene at that point. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (31:39.008)
But John Williams style.

Matt (31:43.894)
Yeah, but classy. It's like Duel of the Fates, but with Benny Hill music. No, but this stuff tells into the plot hole, because the plot hole of this movie, and sorry, I know it's a kids movie, but fuck it, who cares? The adults are so fucking stupid. They make such dumb decisions with the entire movie. My favorite dumb decision. Back to the Dark Forest, Harry Potter, Hermione, Ron and Draco.

Luciano (31:44.005)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Luciano (32:00.92)
Yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (32:01.622)
stupid.

Luciano (32:10.502)
Draco.

Matt (32:12.418)
get detention for being out of bed at night. And so what's the detention? They get sent to go with Hagrid into the dark forest, which is forbidden, because it will kill you, at night. Because Hagrid's got to find out who is killing unicorns, who you find out that only the most evil, vile person, creature would kill said unicorns.

Laur-ios-aaaa (32:22.011)
at night.

Luciano (32:27.898)
Right.

Laur-ios-aaaa (32:28.54)
Yeah.

Luciano (32:34.127)
Yeah, no, and even before we go get there, think of this, like, dark, like, double door says dark forest is forbidden for all students. So when you do something forbidden, much, much, less problematic, which is walking the grounds at night, like, you walk the ground at night, that's forbidden here, go do some another way worse forbidden thing for me. What the fuck?

Laur-ios-aaaa (32:57.198)
under the eye of somebody who can't do is not supposed to be doing magic.

Matt (32:57.368)
What would happen?

Luciano (33:00.921)
right and who has to hunt potentially a dangerous criminal and now has to watch the kids and who immediately splits them up and sends him with the admittedly cowardly dog to take over like what yes like adorable but not magical

Laur-ios-aaaa (33:02.854)
so can't.

Matt (33:10.862)
Separates, yep, 100%.

Laur-ios-aaaa (33:11.494)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (33:15.864)
Mm -hmm. Also non -magical. Can't do anything. Yeah.

Matt (33:18.968)
eventually.

Laur-ios-aaaa (33:23.728)
Yeah. Like, what do think would have happened if like when Harry saw Voldemort Quirrell, Quirrell Mort, Volda, Volda will whatever Quirrell Mort.

Luciano (33:27.578)
Yes.

Luciano (33:34.161)
Quirlmord, I like Quirlmord. Quirl the mord Jesus.

Matt (33:34.51)
Quir - Quir Quirldamort.

Laur-ios-aaaa (33:38.98)
Yeah. Okay. Anyways, when he came up to him, like what if Quirrell DeMorte had just like slapped Harry in the face or just like punched him? Then like what would happen?

Luciano (33:48.857)
Right. But here's the thing. Quirrell the Mort is also an adult, so he wouldn't do anything competent. So they were protected by the adult's stupidity, right?

Laur-ios-aaaa (33:57.113)
right.

Matt (34:02.572)
Yeah, Sword checks out.

Luciano (34:02.895)
the self -fulfilling prophecy.

Laur-ios-aaaa (34:03.374)
Yeah, it's like this movie is either the answer is either magic or stupid adults. Like there's no, yeah, a lot of times.

Luciano (34:09.719)
Sometimes both. Well, and even like, so who who chose halfway competent in that when she had to leave, right? First, okay, let's let's talk about her shot coming. She goes, Neville, one bottom get back here. She doesn't hop on a on the broom to go pick him up. She just yells at him until he falls and breaks his wrist. And then she goes. Yeah, it's like

Matt (34:09.944)
Yep. Sometimes both. Yeah.

Matt (34:21.293)
Mm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (34:30.52)
Yeah! Get down!

The kid is screaming, like he obviously wants to get down.

Matt (34:37.962)
Yeah.

Luciano (34:39.437)
You all of you children who have just gotten your first broom all of you stay there and they go aha she walks off immediately fucking Malfoy obviously Malfoy's as he does and when obviously Harry has to you know go confront him and it goes after the thing that Malfoy throws McGonagall sees it and we think fuck he is fucked she's so strict she comes get him hey

Laur-ios-aaaa (34:46.182)
Mm

Laur-ios-aaaa (34:51.184)
Yeah. Yeah.

Luciano (35:08.975)
You're going to be the star of our team here. What? So you did something expressively forbidden by your other professor and your punishment is to be the star of the Quidditch team for your house.

Laur-ios-aaaa (35:13.851)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (35:25.084)
Punishments so far have ranged from I'm gonna put you in a situation where it's like a 50 -50 you'll die to okay now you're gonna be you're gonna be the youngest snitch catcher in a hundred years so you know what Luciana thank you for having me on gentlemen it's been a pleasure but I believe so

Luciano (35:32.25)
Hahaha

Luciano (35:38.559)
Yeah, secret.

Matt (35:40.654)
in a century, yeah.

Luciano (35:41.573)
But I'm the one who doesn't remember the terms.

Matt (35:45.228)
Wow. Got her. That's all the time we have today. Laura's gone. No, but you raise a good point because it seems like the cooler thing you do, the better reward you get for it. So catching that remember all on a cool like slide before he smashes into the turret wall. Hey, run hot like.

Luciano (35:49.169)
She left, she left everybody. Yeah. Yeah.

Luciano (36:07.365)
Yeah, amazing.

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:09.85)
He didn't smash into the wall, that's the whole point, is he stopped right before it.

Luciano (36:13.092)
Yeah.

Matt (36:13.656)
That, yeah, I said that was cool because you stopped. Thanks.

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:16.852)
I you said smashed into the wall.

Luciano (36:16.957)
I mean, the quidditch match itself, Like people are getting bludgeoned from like several feet in the air. That's fine.

Matt (36:22.19)
That's fine.

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:23.441)
Yeah.

Matt (36:25.708)
Technically, one did anything wrong because that's just the rule of quidditch.

Luciano (36:29.904)
So it

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:30.308)
are is the rule of quidditch because I would like to know I don't think there are any

Matt (36:32.322)
Yep. No, no, you saw them. Yeah, no.

Luciano (36:35.053)
It's just rugby on top of brooms. That's what it is. Yeah, I Mean they have they have batters Whose job is to just bat people they say it's the ball. Is it beaters? That's even worse. I was trying to be helpful. It is children Am I wrong

Matt (36:38.815)
More or less. I think that's that's accurate Yeah

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:39.932)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:49.424)
beaters.

Matt (36:52.512)
It's beaters. Is it? No. Depends on what you're beating.

Laur-ios-aaaa (36:52.644)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (37:00.602)
or batting.

Luciano (37:04.187)
That's what they're doing.

Laur-ios-aaaa (37:05.862)
They're just trying to keep the bludgers away. It's not their fault if they're hitting other people, other children's.

Luciano (37:07.929)
Right.

Matt (37:08.045)
Yeah.

Luciano (37:13.288)
It's not that fun if they aim at someone and hit them.

Matt (37:16.214)
I'm just gonna swing my bat like this and if you get hit it's your own fault.

Laur-ios-aaaa (37:16.757)
Luciano (37:18.575)
Yeah, yeah, don't blame me for your concussion. Yeah. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (37:21.486)
It's like the Simpsons.

Matt (37:23.32)
Yeah, exactly.

So, mean, great examples. Hooch, bad teacher. Vagonical, likes to gamble, likes to have a good time, no big deal. Voldemort, listen, who knows exactly why he got called to the ministry on an urgent matter? But it feels, whoever, man, it's all the same to me. No, but you're right.

Luciano (37:33.413)
You

Luciano (37:43.983)
You mean, not Voldemort, mean Dumbledore.

Laur-ios-aaaa (37:48.252)
Same, same. Same, same.

Luciano (37:48.729)
I was like, what?

Matt (37:52.738)
Dumbledore gets called away and who knows why he gets called away. I'm going to give it like a question mark for the past because you know, he's not a teacher. He's the the warden and if he gets called, he gets called. But yeah, it's adult adult business. But I do wonder what McGonagall like is doing when the kids come to her and like they know what the secret thing no one's supposed to know about in the school and they're like Snape's going to try to steal it. And she's like, nah, dog, it's cool.

Luciano (38:01.861)
Right.

Laur-ios-aaaa (38:02.032)
He's an adult. It's adult things.

Luciano (38:14.32)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (38:16.037)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Luciano (38:21.188)
He's the one protecting it. Yeah, yeah.

Matt (38:21.846)
and literally does nothing else. Just like, go do something, right? Like go see where Snape is, go like.

Laur-ios-aaaa (38:24.143)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (38:28.421)
Yeah. What are you too busy with the three other students in your house? Like fucking...

Luciano (38:33.338)
Yeah.

Matt (38:33.526)
One of them's a ghost sitting there, in her class, like, send the ghost to check.

Luciano (38:36.535)
Yeah. And also they talk about like Nicholas Flamel, right? And then they like, Filch said that there was someone in the restricted area of the library. And then they talk about Flamel, which is where they would have found it. And nobody makes the connection. the three of you. What? What?

Laur-ios-aaaa (38:54.16)
Yeah.

Matt (39:00.266)
no, no, no, no, sir. You did not watch this movie. It's on the back of the trading card. They find Nicholas Fumel's name on the chocolate frog trading card.

Laur-ios-aaaa (39:02.212)
No, no, no, no, Wow, you did not watch this movie. Yeah.

Luciano (39:08.637)
Yeah, but they don't know about him until they read about him in the book, right? Like they know of his name, but they don't know anything about the alchemy and the philosopher's stone and all that. They discovered that on the book and then they talked to her and say, we know about Nicholas Flamel and we know about the philosopher's stone and we know it's going to be stolen. That's what the adults said. That's exactly what the adults said. They were like, this is crazy talk.

Laur-ios-aaaa (39:15.236)
No.

Laur-ios-aaaa (39:28.282)
No, that's crazy talk, Luciana. That's crazy talk. No.

Matt (39:30.582)
Now, they got wookie - they got wookiepedia. Don't worry about it, they got wookiepedia.

Yeah. They found it on Wikipedia like every other kid does.

Luciano (39:38.087)
You

Right, Yeah. Wikipedia Hogwarts edition. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (39:42.163)
Yeah, yeah, they looked it up.

Matt (39:47.554)
Yeah, hogwarts .wikipedia .com. Everybody knows that.

Luciano (39:50.873)
Yeah. So they don't get detention for that. They don't get detention for doing a bunch of other stuff, but walking the school at night. No, no, no, that's yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (39:51.708)
Hogipedia.

Laur-ios-aaaa (40:02.268)
get fucked. Do you think they said that to McGonagall? They're like, yeah, like we know about, you know, this old guy and his rock and whatever. And she was just like, don't worry about it kids. But then like immediately turned around and like fast walk up to Dumbledore's like, shit, shit, shit. These three motherfuckers found out and like what the fuck are we gonna do?

Luciano (40:21.041)
Yeah, probably, probably, And Double Door was like, I have to go to London. I have to go to London. Bye.

Matt (40:27.47)
That's

Laur-ios-aaaa (40:29.352)
shit shit shit shit shit. Yeah he's like, fuck fuck fuck okay okay okay okay what do we do what do do? There's like running around with like fires burning all around. shit shit shit shit.

Matt (40:31.17)
Ha ha ha ha.

Luciano (40:35.855)
Yeah.

That sounds like a peek into the backstory there.

Matt (40:40.021)
my god, no.

Matt (40:43.8)
This just sounds like fucking Hogwarts breaking bad.

Laur-ios-aaaa (40:44.08)
And then, and then, and then all you hear is like in the background.

Luciano (40:53.585)
Yeah, well if this is Hogwarts breaking bad, we know who's making math. It's Snape. For sure. 100%. In his... In his tidy whities, which in his case are black because he's a fucking edgelord.

Laur-ios-aaaa (41:00.218)
Well, yeah, well, he would make he would make the best math for sure.

Matt (41:07.393)
He sure is.

Laur-ios-aaaa (41:07.42)
I don't think he would be making the math, like he knows he'd be able to make the best math. I think like somebody else would be trying to make it and he'd be like, pfft, fucking...

Luciano (41:17.945)
No, but that's, mean, that's what Walter White does, right? It's the same thing. She's... you should, because it's really good. But yeah, he's like, I make the best meth. Why is Spencer when we actually need a terrible Alan Rickman? No, it was better than Spencer's, which is not that good, but...

Laur-ios-aaaa (41:21.978)
I know, I've never seen this show. No, it's not.

Laur-ios-aaaa (41:32.25)
I'm like, what was that?

Matt (41:34.264)
You know, I'm gonna do everybody a favor and I think we're just gonna move on from that one and get back to the plot hole of adults being stupid. I have follow -up curiosities. I don't know if this is adults specifically or just...

Laur-ios-aaaa (41:38.07)
my god.

I,

Luciano (41:41.038)
Okay, sure.

Matt (41:54.744)
The kids, maybe, are a fault, but...

What to?

Matt (42:04.32)
Nah, I've lost a thread on it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (42:04.752)
was the slowest asked question.

Luciano (42:05.871)
Wow. Yeah. It just escaped your brain.

Matt (42:10.808)
brain go bye bye I'll I'll I'll edit and post where was I going with that no I won't no no I was gonna talk about apparating but I'm pretty sure that no one operates in this movie

Luciano (42:12.42)
Yeah.

Luciano (42:15.909)
No you won't.

Laur-ios-aaaa (42:17.688)
No you won't.

Luciano (42:23.556)
No.

Matt (42:24.95)
Yeah, so can't use that. OK.

Laur-ios-aaaa (42:26.214)
I mean maybe Dumbledore does because he's the only one who can but we don't know that for sure.

Luciano (42:29.217)
I mean if you want to talk about the kids you can talk about I never remembered that kid's name the one that keeps blowing himself up Seamus yes, why why would they allow him to keep a wand? Like he could fucking set the whole place on fire

Matt (42:35.544)
Seamus.

Laur-ios-aaaa (42:43.388)
You learn. You gotta learn somehow.

Matt (42:46.496)
Yeah, you gotta learn through death. doesn't prove our point as well as we'd like it to. Is there anything else we didn't talk about with the parents? We can migrate off this one if we don't have anything else with the adults or we can go into the fixing portion of the blood roles.

Laur-ios-aaaa (42:48.827)
Yeah.

Luciano (43:00.437)
that's going to be a tall order. Yeah. let's see. Let's talk. Let's see all the adults that we have. We talked about Dumbledore. We talked about McGonagall. We talked about Hooch. Age -grace. Yeah, not the smartest either. Keeps telling people what they shouldn't know. The whole, like, like it does like five times this movie and this movie.

Matt (43:02.35)
I don't know if you can,

Matt (43:09.868)
Yeah. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (43:12.055)
H -Grid.

Matt (43:13.41)
Yeah.

Matt (43:21.346)
Yeah. In Hager's defense, he is just an oaf through the whole thing. So he's very consistent with his character. Yeah, that's fair. Okay, let's get this back into actually something I can record. Is there any other parent or adult we can talk about? Not really. Did we talk about the Dursleys?

Laur-ios-aaaa (43:23.388)
Should not have told you that. Should not have told you that.

Luciano (43:28.731)
True, at least it's consistent.

Laur-ios-aaaa (43:30.032)
He's a lovable oaf, that's his whole thing.

Luciano (43:41.634)
No.

Laur-ios-aaaa (43:43.536)
I mean, Mrs. Weasley, but she just yells at people. Yeah, we talked about the... No, we didn't, did we? No.

Luciano (43:47.567)
Well, I mean...

Matt (43:48.278)
In the context of this? No, I don't think we did. Okay, I'll do that one then. Yeah, it's fine. Okay, one second to write the note.

Luciano (43:51.173)
Yeah, but okay.

Luciano (43:58.258)
he's actually are going to edit and post, okay.

Matt (44:00.723)
Rain pause yeah, no this is is horseshit Laura's texting her friends

Matt (44:12.278)
What? Alright, everybody ready? Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (44:15.162)
Yeah. It is. Wait, hold on. It is so fucking hot in this bedroom. Like, brutal. OK.

Matt (44:19.862)
Yeah, it's hot in this room too. Yeah. When I give the baby the air conditioner, she's fucking having a great time.

Laur-ios-aaaa (44:26.598)
I didn't even turn it on. Do you think it's too hot in there? I go turn

Matt (44:29.902)
Turn it on. You just turn on your phone, right?

It's part of the home.

Matt (44:39.95)
Okay, all right, I'm gonna try to talk again. Yeah.

Matt (44:49.72)
You know, speaking of dumb adults, and maybe it's part of their character, but the Dursleys, you know, we talked earlier about them, right? Like, do they like Harry, do they hate Harry? But like, wouldn't you just want, like, I know you don't like them, wouldn't you just want them gone and out of your hair? Because what you want to, as you want to spite them, wouldn't your life be better if you just wasn't around ever?

Luciano (44:58.015)
yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (45:02.555)
Hmm.

Luciano (45:06.385)
Yeah, 100%.

Luciano (45:13.966)
They're like... Go ahead.

Laur-ios-aaaa (45:14.224)
like and

I was going to say because like it's OK. If they knew that he was coming back, that he had to come back in the summer, if they knew that maybe they didn't want him to go because they didn't want him to get all smart and like like Abra Abra Kadabra him, you know, them, you know, they knew they wouldn't have as much power. No, I don't think he'd go that far. I don't think he's just going to like show up and like fucking kill him. He was like.

Matt (45:33.389)
Wise up.

Matt (45:37.653)
Avada Kedavra.

Matt (45:43.374)
Harry just comes home, fucking wasted three of them after the first year. End of the movies.

Luciano (45:46.683)
Fuh, fuh. First year, first year in Hogwarts, I've had a cadaver on everyone.

Laur-ios-aaaa (45:47.952)
He's like, hey, hey, how was your year? How was smell things? Cool. Bye. Yeah, so maybe it's like a bit of fear of him getting too smart. It's like, if I may, it's like Donald Trump, you know, he plays to the dumb people. So I think that's it. That was it.

Luciano (45:56.299)
Excruciato!

Matt (45:56.92)
Yeah

Matt (46:08.681)
God.

Luciano (46:12.645)
I mean, this is in England, but I'm pretty sure that there's least voted for Boris Johnson for sure. A hundred percent. But I think, so I think it wasn't, it wasn't like a smart play of like, I don't want him to go because he's going to come back and be like all magical and shit. was just dumb. It was like, we hate this kid. We're stuff him under the stairs and now something good is going to happen to him. And I don't want it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (46:16.304)
Well, they got their own trumps over there, you know. Boris.

Matt (46:18.35)
Boris Johnson. Yeah.

Matt (46:33.452)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (46:38.596)
Mm

Matt (46:43.858)
Yeah, because if these people were smart they would never run into the deadly 36 37 presence issue they like he's a spoiled brat, but they would just know how to Make sure that he didn't freak out there's biome like you know like you know 40 little boxes to make him happy like because if you stupid enough to think more the number more is better They were trick them up. They have no idea. They have no idea how to raise their one son I don't think they're smart enough to like

Luciano (46:53.275)
Yeah.

Matt (47:12.598)
Out Think Harry Potter.

Luciano (47:14.615)
No, definitely not. Yeah, the whole thing, even with Dudley, right? The way...

Matt (47:21.153)
You're muted.

Laur-ios-aaaa (47:23.696)
Sorry, I just saw that. I was just saying that they're on the dumb side of the either dumb or magic scale.

Luciano (47:30.365)
Very much so. Yeah. And even with Dudley, they're like the whole present thing and then taking him to the zoo and then he falls into the snake pit, right? And their reaction instead of like, I'm going to get my son out of there is just to like slap at the glass and yell. Yeah. So I don't think these people are outsmarting anybody.

Laur-ios-aaaa (47:31.611)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (47:50.876)
Howl. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (47:59.276)
No. But that's why they need him to stay dumb too.

Luciano (48:03.621)
Well, for sure. I think, honestly, the smartest person, the most level -headed person in this movie is Hermione. Which is concerning.

Matt (48:17.442)
So how do we fix this movie? How do we hear Hermione in this movie? I also don't have to be super geniuses, but Hermione's not a pedantic asshole like you.

Luciano (48:24.384)
It's not a movie, it's a film. That's how we do it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (48:27.878)
See? I like what you did there.

Luciano (48:32.301)
Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, she is. That's why I love her so much.

Laur-ios-aaaa (48:37.084)
my god. You just amputee -ed all over that answer. I honestly think Ron is the most level -headed.

Luciano (48:38.033)
Hahaha

Yeah. How do we fix it?

Matt (48:51.246)
The guy who almost fucking dies because he won't relax in the devil's snare.

Luciano (48:55.141)
The guy who stood atop the fucking night when he could just jumped off, he waited until he got hit and almost died.

Laur-ios-aaaa (48:55.152)
Yeah, he doesn't trust shit.

Matt (48:57.409)
That's not level -headed.

Laur-ios-aaaa (49:06.428)
Mm

Matt (49:07.362)
That one, okay. Great opinion, Laura. Let's ask someone different. Luciano, what do you think?

Luciano (49:09.551)
Ha!

Laur-ios-aaaa (49:13.978)
We know his opinion. He's got it hard for Hermione.

Luciano (49:15.185)
Yeah, no, but I never said that she was a child in this. You don't do this to me. Wait until she's like 18 at least to say that. I said at least. Yes. Yeah. Anyway, like the problem is so much of the...

Matt (49:20.268)
That's inappropriate. Inappropriate.

Laur-ios-aaaa (49:25.21)
Wow. Wow. Eww, Luciana, you're in your 40s.

Matt (49:32.814)
You're the one who insinuated for a child and now you're saying Luciano's gross? Come on.

Luciano (49:43.779)
Story of the movie hinges on the stupidity of adults.

Matt (49:47.116)
Right, can we just like nudge it a bit so the adults aren't so like glaringly stupid? Where it's just like, that's a weird choice, but I guess, you know, like, obviously, you know, we can play this game all podcasts and we haven't, because we try to avoid it, but like, in the book, the puzzles are much more challenging. You know, there's a potions puzzle where you have to, wow, don't say that on this podcast, they'll kill you. You're dead. Nice knowing you, bud.

Laur-ios-aaaa (49:47.366)
Mm -hmm.

Luciano (50:07.919)
I never read the books, so I wouldn't know.

Laur-ios-aaaa (50:08.378)
Yeah. You've never read the books? Luciano. If I could honestly suggest that you read the books, like now that you've seen the movies, it's going to be like it's going to make the movies so much more rich. And like, you know how

Luciano (50:12.867)
I never read the books.

Luciano (50:25.017)
Yeah, if I can find it in a way that I don't give Joanne money, I'll do it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (50:30.192)
Well, I can lend you the books that I accidentally bought from Joanne or, I'm so sorry. In a beautifully hand written envelope in the cupboard above the stairs. yeah, no, no, no. Like I've, you know, obviously a lot of things are like, once you, I think Harry Potter for me, sorry, this is not at all. I'm on a tangent now. This is just it. I,

Luciano (50:31.557)
There you go. accidentally, money fell out of my wallet.

Matt (50:37.13)
no!

Luciano (50:41.658)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Matt (50:57.986)
No shit.

Luciano (50:58.056)
That's what we do. That's what we do.

Laur-ios-aaaa (51:00.152)
I am Hogwarts expressing through this tangent. that normally, you know, like people read a book and then they watch a movie and it sucks. But I honestly think for Harry Potter, you should do the opposite. Like you, I mean, even by now, they've been out for so long. Like, you, you know who Harry Potter is. Like, you're not going to picture somebody else other than fucking Daniel Radcliffe. It's all fine. I mean, Ron is completely different, but that's but like reading the book, you're just like,

Luciano (51:02.742)
Hahaha!

Luciano (51:08.784)
Right.

Luciano (51:17.486)
Yeah.

Luciano (51:24.827)
You

Laur-ios-aaaa (51:29.276)
That in the movie makes so much more sense. Even the expanded version that we watched, like it just anyways, I'm like very excited for you that you could read the book for the first time. Yeah. Yeah. And they're very, the first one is very short and again, written for 11 year olds. So it's not like.

Luciano (51:31.384)
I, right.

Luciano (51:37.833)
Experience this for the first time. Yeah. Yeah, I know the feeling. Yeah Maybe I will I mean

Luciano (51:47.631)
That's the problem, but we'll see. I mean, still anyway, if we're going on tangents, I've done this of watching a movie and then reading the book. And sometimes I agree, sometimes it's better, but how do we fix this?

Laur-ios-aaaa (51:50.524)
Well written for 11 years.

Matt (51:55.96)
So anyways...

Laur-ios-aaaa (51:56.998)
Sorry.

Matt (51:59.66)
No, it's fine.

Matt (52:04.27)
I have a real fun question. How would we? Yeah, great, great idea. Let's see. How would we fix this?

Laur-ios-aaaa (52:04.73)
No, it's very good.

Laur-ios-aaaa (52:08.668)
You

Luciano (52:12.335)
So you were talking about the puzzles in the book, like, are any of the other situations better in the book as far as the adults go too?

Matt (52:22.466)
Really.

Luciano (52:22.615)
Hahahaha!

Laur-ios-aaaa (52:26.236)
Absolutely, yes. Yeah, there's like, in the book, there's a couple more things, I think, because there's, think, five or six professors that

Luciano (52:27.525)
Okay.

Luciano (52:37.987)
Okay, let me ask you this. In the book, do they get punished for doing something by being sent to the dark forest? Then I can't help that. That is worse. The last person you want to send on a dangerous thing is Neville. That boy should have been Hufflepuff. I'm going to say this right now. Yes. Nothing if you're Neville Longbottom.

Laur-ios-aaaa (52:45.73)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt (52:46.222)
Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Laur-ios-aaaa (52:49.488)
But it's not Hermione, it's Neville.

Matt (52:50.002)
I rest my case.

Laur-ios-aaaa (52:53.934)
Yeah, yeah, poor guy.

Yeah, I know, poor guy.

Matt (53:01.706)
No. Yes. It's fine. We didn't.

Laur-ios-aaaa (53:03.536)
What's wrong with being Hufflepuff? And I'm sorry, he is brave, he stood up to his friends.

Luciano (53:09.209)
I don't mean so I'm not saying he's not I'm just saying he's very hufflepuffy anyway

Matt (53:10.702)
Yeah, for five points, 10 points. It's fine. You're avoiding the question.

Laur-ios-aaaa (53:16.186)
I wish I was helpful.

Luciano (53:18.777)
I don't know how to fix it because like I said, a lot of it depends if, for example, if Hooch hadn't fucked up with Neville on the broom thing, Harry wouldn't have been the seeker. If he hadn't been the seeker, he wouldn't have known how to catch the key. like there's a lot of stupidity that leads to things that need to happen in this movie that it would be hard. Maybe if, for example, in that scene, maybe if

Matt (53:19.235)
Get out here.

Matt (53:34.519)
Right.

Luciano (53:48.205)
Neville took off with his broom and she had to go after him in her broom and didn't have the time to say don't do whatever you know what I mean like Maybe something small like that

Matt (53:56.43)
Sure. Yeah.

She could just be a bad teacher instead of a dumb teacher. So come across as like, she's really, 100%, if she comes across as being super anxious about Neville and worried and rushes him away and doesn't say anything to the kids, then it's just like she's so preoccupied with Neville being injured that she doesn't think about what the kids might do when she's gone. The fact she knows and she's like, don't do it.

Luciano (54:04.091)
Okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (54:08.124)
Well she is a bad teacher.

Luciano (54:11.332)
You

Luciano (54:17.614)
Okay, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (54:22.915)
Yeah.

Luciano (54:25.638)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (54:25.723)
Yeah.

Matt (54:28.684)
And this fucks off anyways, it's just problem.

Luciano (54:30.233)
Yeah, yeah. And like the the instead of it being a punishment for the kids to be sent to the dark forest, it could have been that they went to talk to Hagrid and Hagrid wasn't there. And then they decided to be children, which were allowed to be naive, naively stupid, let's call it. And they wandered into the dark forest to look for him or

Laur-ios-aaaa (54:30.468)
Yeah, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (54:53.68)
Mm

Luciano (54:56.761)
if they saw unicorn blood in there, like, maybe Hagrid is hurt or I don't know, something like that.

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:01.212)
Mmm.

Matt (55:01.324)
It's fine, like they could wander the forest and friends could show up and be like, same thing, get out of the forest Harry Potter, it's not safe for you here. Instead of the teachers should have known, didn't need the centaur to tell them, like.

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:05.87)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Agreed.

Luciano (55:11.074)
yeah yeah there's the yeah poor Surenzy but yeah so stuff like that I think

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:12.528)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:17.788)
Yeah, I think those are good little tweaks, because like, yeah, just something that pisses me off throughout the entire series is their detention setup. okay, you've had school all day, go do your homework, have some dinner, and then detention at like 9 p And it's just like, guys, these guys are tweens. Like, they need their fucking sleep.

Matt (55:32.001)
yeah.

Luciano (55:36.26)
Yeah.

Luciano (55:41.199)
Yeah. And maybe, you know, give them detention that will teach them actually something related to what they've done. Not here. You've done something forbidden here. Go for detention. Go do something more forbidden. That's not good. Right. Have them go clean the bathrooms or something. Like, well, it's better than sending them to the death forest.

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:42.876)
pisses me off.

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:49.954)
Yeah. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (55:59.534)
Yeah. Yeah.

Matt (56:05.144)
Yeah, that'll learn them. Good old fashioned cleaning.

Laur-ios-aaaa (56:05.405)
Mmm. Mmm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (56:10.555)
Well,

Matt (56:10.986)
morning Myrtle's in the bathroom. You want to go there or you want to go to the death forest? Send me to the death forest. Thank you very much.

Luciano (56:13.775)
That is fair. That is fair. The problem is that whole school is a death trap. That's the problem. But yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (56:21.38)
It is, Yeah. Literally the ghost of somebody who died there is still there. Like it's pretty wild, actually. You can't even like plead ignorance being like, no, nobody died here. That's a crazy rumor. She's like, actually, I did die here.

Luciano (56:27.406)
Yeah, like stuck stuck there for eternity

Matt (56:27.576)
Trapped there forever.

Luciano (56:34.686)
Yeah

Matt (56:39.66)
It's fine. Don't worry about it. Let's move on from this. I think we've answered the questions about how we can improve it. I just want to ask some fun questions about Harry Potter. He loves Harry Potter. think we can add to the lore of Harry Potter. Simple, easy first question. How did Harry Potter get so rich? Because we see Hager takes him to his vault and he's just got stacks and stacks of gold. I assume that's a lot. I actually have no context, but it looks like a lot. I just want to know like...

Laur-ios-aaaa (56:50.277)
Yay!

Laur-ios-aaaa (57:05.2)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Matt (57:07.667)
I know his parents left it for him, how do they get it? Maybe it's the better question.

Laur-ios-aaaa (57:13.094)
Mm -hmm.

Luciano (57:13.599)
Do you think that they had that money before or maybe that's part of the insurance policy that they had a Voldemort clause in it and they got a payday from being killed by Voldemort?

Matt (57:26.284)
Well, here's the thing.

Laur-ios-aaaa (57:27.424)
If Voldemort insurance companies like fuck man, like I can't believe we had to pay this out.

Luciano (57:30.979)
Yeah, this guy, this guy again. Yeah. It's an act of God.

Matt (57:31.35)
No, the insurance company would never... They would never pay on that. The insurance company... No, we don't cover Baltimore insurance. No fucking way. Yeah. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (57:39.004)
It's like living in Tornado Valley. They're like, listen, he could always come and kill you. We're not down. Maybe they are the Walter Whites of Godric's Hollow. Maybe they are the meth people.

Luciano (57:43.493)
Yeah.

Right.

Matt (57:56.065)
Is there like a

Luciano (57:56.187)
James Potter looks like the kind of guy who would have a dirty secret like that, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (58:01.574)
for sure.

Matt (58:01.742)
What's Wizard Meth called? everything's got to be different, right? So what's Wizard Meth called?

Luciano (58:06.357)
Yeah, you have to come up with a name that is at the same time dumb and poignant. Not everything is Latin. They have other names that are like weird. Spells are Latin for sure, but...

Laur-ios-aaaa (58:08.909)
It's kind of like a Latin based name.

Matt (58:18.338)
Maybe he created a spell to get you high.

Luciano (58:22.595)
Mmm. That would sell.

Laur-ios-aaaa (58:24.134)
But how do you pattern that? How do you make money? How do you make money off that?

Matt (58:24.3)
And every time someone casts it, they got to, every time it gets cast, they drop a galleon in his like fault.

Luciano (58:32.91)
Is that it?

Laur-ios-aaaa (58:33.018)
Maybe it's all leprechaun gold. Nobody really knows.

Luciano (58:35.961)
I going to say is the spell he invented. You just go cannabis and that's how you get high. Maybe that's what it was. Yeah. No cannabis is Latin.

Matt (58:37.474)
You

Laur-ios-aaaa (58:42.803)
and people think they're high, but they're actually not because it's not a real spell because it's an English word.

Matt (58:43.863)
I hate it.

Matt (58:51.246)
Wow Laura, that was embarrassing. That was awkward.

Laur-ios-aaaa (58:51.356)
Here we go again. God. Here we go again.

Luciano (58:56.673)
Again, yeah. No, but I think you're onto something, Matt. I mean, I think maybe he was like, like dealing his forbidden spells. That would work.

Matt (58:58.154)
Mm. Mm. Mm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (59:06.8)
Mm -hmm. Why just him? What, Lily's not smart enough to deal in Forbidden Spas?

Matt (59:07.916)
Wait, but we know what the forbidden spells are.

Luciano (59:12.865)
No, she married him for that. That's They're a And a partner. But yeah. I don't know. can't think of, honestly, I can't think of Lily Potter doing anything bad. She's like the most wholesome character in this whole thing. So it didn't even occur to me to think that Lily Potter would be, yeah, You want a little bit? want it? First hit is free. I can't, I can't.

Laur-ios-aaaa (59:16.211)
she's an addict. She's an addict. OK, OK, OK.

Matt (59:23.512)
Mostly an addict.

Laur-ios-aaaa (59:32.866)
Yeah, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (59:41.574)
Ha

Luciano (59:41.841)
I just can't. I'm sorry.

Matt (59:45.43)
Okay, we'll move on. It's fine. We'll move on to this question. We'll let you, palate cleanse. At she's an adult. Good start, Luciana. You're getting there. Yeah. You're moving on up. Hey!

Laur-ios-aaaa (59:46.417)
Okay.

You have it hard for Lily, I get it.

Luciano (59:50.905)
Okay, it's okay. If she's an adult, I'll allow it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:00:00.315)
Yes, Matt.

Matt (01:00:01.582)
Where should we go from this one? you know what? Let's make it simple. one's too. At some point, Snape and Madame Hooch must have went on a date. I want to know what happened during that date. Yeah, the chemistry is awkward now.

Luciano (01:00:10.875)
Clearly.

Luciano (01:00:15.555)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:00:16.86)
Mmm.

Luciano (01:00:18.863)
I mean, corrosion is something that can happen with chemistry, so it's there.

Matt (01:00:24.802)
Mm -hmm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:00:26.864)
I... like... I...

Does Hoot only do Quidditch stuff?

Luciano (01:00:34.021)
Well, only flying stuff, right? Yeah.

Matt (01:00:34.135)
I think she's like the flight teacher.

Matt (01:00:40.333)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:00:41.002)
I think that they he creates some sort of a potion if you will potion if you will and then they go flying together and throw the potions at People things places like they fuck up some muggles. They're like And like drop stuff on muggles

Matt (01:00:47.95)
Okay. Why?

Matt (01:01:03.374)
So.

Luciano (01:01:03.441)
So like random bombs. I see.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:01:07.982)
Yeah, so like like color clouds, acid rain, plagues of frogs, lightning, poop.

Matt (01:01:09.346)
Like.

Luciano (01:01:16.358)
fucking biblical. Do they do this while making out on top of the same broom? Is that what happened?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:01:26.18)
Yeah, yeah, like, Hooch climbs onto his broom and sits side saddle and then they just like, no, she holds onto his back, like around like a motorcycle.

Luciano (01:01:35.057)
No, I think... Okay, let's be honest here. He is the one holding on to her back because he's probably scared to fly. Let's be honest here.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:01:43.098)
Okay, I think that's fair. Okay.

Matt (01:01:43.82)
Yeah, that's fair. I think that's right. This sounds like it went well, so what happened? Because I'm not together in the movie, so.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:01:54.246)
How do you know? Maybe they're just keeping it hidden. It's just love in the skies, you know?

Matt (01:01:56.568)
doesn't come up.

Just on the DL.

Luciano (01:01:59.663)
Yeah, they don't don't they have this thing where they can only be loved lovey -dovey in the air when they're on the ground they pretend they don't know each other

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:02:05.434)
Yeah. Yeah.

And they're like, that's why the forest is a forbidden forest because they fly through the forest being lovey -dovey, having sex. And kids aren't supposed to be in there to watch it, to see it. They like to be exposed. Mm -hmm.

Matt (01:02:09.858)
Okay.

Luciano (01:02:21.858)
I see. I see. yeah, because if the kids go there, especially at night, they go, they're going to see the horizontal quidditch and that's not supposed to happen. I think that tracks. Yeah.

Matt (01:02:24.76)
to the broomsticks.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:02:31.31)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Thank you.

Matt (01:02:35.98)
All right, now thank you for clearing that up. I appreciate it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:02:39.516)
Nothing's ever been more obvious to me than that.

Luciano (01:02:39.532)
What?

Luciano (01:02:43.577)
Yeah, it's so clear. It's so evident. think it's on wookiepedia actually.

Matt (01:02:43.82)
Right. No, I, yeah. Unrelated.

Yeah, no, that's fair. Unrelated to to all of this. I'm moving on just so you guys know. So we're done. Just. A great well. It's going to be really easy. Why does all of them have so many ones in his shop? He has like hundreds and hundreds of ones covered in dust and cobwebs and God knows what else back there. And he gives out like fucking five wants a year. What's the deal?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:02:50.166)
Mm, Hog -Hogapedia.

Luciano (01:02:53.713)
unrelated to all of this whatever disaster this was

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:02:56.697)
I'm going to figure out how to relate it. I'm going to do that. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:03:16.888)
May I approach the bent? The bent is what it's called. I would like to circle this back. think Lily and James Potter make fake wands and then sell them to Ollivander and then that's how they get all their money because he buys it off of them and because they seem like a wholesome couple and then so he gets a lot of wands and he can't say no to them because they're so like cute and loved up but they're like,

Luciano (01:03:19.184)
Go for it.

Matt (01:03:19.758)
Approach the bench.

Sure. I'll allow it.

Luciano (01:03:31.825)
Hmm?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:03:45.978)
It's just a stick.

Matt (01:03:47.64)
So all of Andrews how they how the kids say a putz

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:03:51.324)
Ha! The Putsiest.

Luciano (01:03:53.601)
Interesting. Cause I was going to say that I thought it was kind of like Amway in that, you know, you have to like buy the product so you can sell it. And he just got, he just got stuck at the bottom of the MLM. And so that's why he has so many ones. Yeah. Cause he, like he has to buy it for himself and now he has, but he can either sell the product or bring two more or three more people into.

Matt (01:04:04.374)
Okay, yeah, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:04:08.124)
You have so much product.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:04:19.717)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:04:23.575)
But like there aren't that many wizards. So who's he gonna bring into the

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:04:23.834)
You

Matt (01:04:26.094)
What's his sales pitch to get someone else to sell the wands?

Luciano (01:04:32.121)
I don't think he has one. That's the big problem.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:04:34.053)
That's why.

Matt (01:04:35.906)
So sounds like a problem, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:04:37.948)
Do you think like maybe he's just really bad at making wands? so like there's like, gosh, I have so many questions about wands. That's what she said. Okay. What is happening? Okay. So my thought is that there's like three wand stores, like two on Diagon Alley and one somewhere else in like Hogsmeade.

Luciano (01:04:38.064)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:04:53.103)
I don't know. It's fascinating to watch, but I don't know what it is.

Matt (01:04:53.12)
I don't know.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:05:06.736)
And the Hogsmeade one is like the real premium one that like most people get their wands from. And the other two are just like for, you know, muggle borns who are just like, the first wand store that you come up to.

Luciano (01:05:18.851)
It's like made of plastic and it's not really like a phoenix feather in there. It's like a goose feather or like a turkey feather. Okay, I can see that. No, that would be a very aggressive one. That one will kill you. That one will cast Avada Kedavra on its own.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:05:21.805)
Yeah!

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:05:26.798)
Yes.

Matt (01:05:28.76)
Canada Ghost Feather for sure.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:05:30.664)
or god god that's just the meanest

Matt (01:05:35.307)
Ha ha ha.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:05:38.396)
Why is your one pecking me? Or is it that his store is like, so across the street from where we live, from where my husband Matt, the host of this program, plot holes and popcorn, popcorn and plot holes. Across the street from where we live is a cigar shop.

Luciano (01:05:40.749)
Yeah.

Matt (01:05:41.134)
Ha

Luciano (01:05:56.123)
She's falling apart.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:06:05.028)
And so I've never been inside, I can only imagine that it's like, like, yeah, like ornamental things, know, collectors items, tchotchkes, that sort of thing. like, that what all of Anders is? And that's why you so much because people are like, I don't fucking need another one tchotchke. You know?

Luciano (01:06:09.667)
All the vendors but with cigars. Right.

Right.

Matt (01:06:24.814)
So do you think like everybody gets like, you know, like, fathers famously got ties and socks from the kids, everyone just buys a wand and it's like.

Luciano (01:06:32.209)
that's where like aunts go to buy presents for like birthdays. see. Like, fuck, I don't need another stick. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:06:32.24)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:06:36.91)
Yes. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:06:43.01)
piece of wood no thanks

Luciano (01:06:45.753)
yeah well i i always wondered on the all the times that i watched this movie i always wondered how the fuck does he find anything in there because he goes like there's nothing written there's nothing anything don't say magic don't say magic fuck you don't say magic fuck you fuck you he's okay

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:06:47.804)
Those are my theories.

Matt (01:06:57.794)
Hey bro. Bro.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:06:59.248)
Let's say it all together now. All together now. Magic. And he says his thing is like he remembers every one that he's ever sold because he's only ever sold five. So he's just like. And Dumbledore just because Dumbledore was throwing him a bone.

Matt (01:07:02.796)
MAGIC!

You're welcome.

Luciano (01:07:12.249)
Like five. Yeah, it's easy. Yeah, it's easy.

Matt (01:07:13.314)
Yeah, was like Harry's Voldemort's and like

Luciano (01:07:18.191)
James Potter and yeah.

Luciano (01:07:25.091)
Yeah, because like the Weasleys get hand -me -downs, right? Yeah, so like you buy one and now you have like a dynasty filled with ones unless...

Matt (01:07:25.506)
Yeah, you don't feel sad.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:07:30.791)
It is!

Matt (01:07:40.086)
It sounds like maybe his prices should be a little bit lower. It sounds like we should have some cheap ones for special occasions or like, yeah. And then they work for like, yeah. Five spells max, right? That's a great market for the Death Eaters.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:07:40.952)
Yeah, and Hagrid is broken and he's fine. Sorry, go ahead.

Hmm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:07:51.644)
Like three for 10.

Luciano (01:07:54.257)
disposable. Disposable. They could, True. They could, he could sell it like Q -tips, like a box of 20.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:07:57.321)
Disposable. Yeah.

Matt (01:08:05.41)
Yep. Yep.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:08:06.718)
my gosh, that's what Lily and Harry, Lily and Harry, Lily and James did. They sold wands that did five spells. So when people were like, great, I'll buy them. Let me test it. Great. And then, God, they're wily.

Luciano (01:08:17.777)
and that's the ones that Chamos uses because it explodes and then can't use them anymore. There you go. I think we're onto something here.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:08:23.962)
always exploding. Yeah. That's why all vendors got so many wands, because he's like, fuck man, Seamus is at school now. I gotta keep up with the demand of his exploding goddamn wands.

Matt (01:08:26.082)
Yeah. Okay.

Luciano (01:08:32.209)
yeah, he's like So he's sold he sold a total of like seven ones for everybody else and every single other one is sold is for Seamus and his family I Think that tracks

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:08:42.364)
And 150 to shape it. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Thank you, Ollivander, for your service.

Matt (01:08:48.024)
That actually tracks. Okay, great. I'm glad we've answered that question. Simple question, really. Let's pretend Ampetunia actually was a witch. What house would she be soared into? And like, just so we're clear, Ampetunia now.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:09:08.006)
now. Adult petunia.

Matt (01:09:08.992)
Now, ad opportuna.

Luciano (01:09:12.041)
Mmm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:09:14.051)
child abuse abuser.

Luciano (01:09:15.747)
Yeah, what house was Umbrie, John? Cause that was gonna be a... There you go.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:09:20.252)
Lutheran.

I think Betunia is Hufflepuff because I think deep down she really wants to be a Gryffindor like her sister would have been. she doesn't have an evil soul, say. She's just lost. So she's not a Slytherin. Do you know what I mean?

Luciano (01:09:49.755)
But don't have to be like Snape. Snape is not like great, but he's not evil.

Matt (01:09:57.034)
everybody who is a Slytherin is evil. Just everyone who is evil is a Slytherin.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:09:57.52)
He was a Death Eater.

Luciano (01:10:01.506)
That's, that's yeah, but also it's yeah, he was deaf either. So that's fair. I'd forgotten about that. I'll admit. I retract what I said.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:10:02.501)
Yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:10:07.558)
Hehehehehe

Matt (01:10:08.13)
Hahaha

Matt (01:10:14.744)
Technically, you don't know that in this movie, so it's fine.

Luciano (01:10:17.723)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:10:18.012)
I don't know that in this movie, that's fair. Yeah, think, I think, I think, yeah, I I mean, I want to say Slytherin, Slytherin feels like pretty obvious, but I also, there's just something that makes me feel really sad for Petunia.

Luciano (01:10:20.4)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:10:29.808)
Yeah.

Matt (01:10:34.134)
It's it's Slytherin. Like she's she's a bad bitch, but not not in good way.

Luciano (01:10:36.51)
It kind of has to be, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:10:39.941)
I guess.

Matt (01:10:40.802)
She's vindictive, petty person.

Luciano (01:10:43.93)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:10:45.858)
I She just needs therapy. Really.

Luciano (01:10:46.513)
She would fall in line with Voldemort in two seconds.

Matt (01:10:46.766)
Great.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:10:51.9)
Do you think everybody who's in Slytherin, they had therapy, they'd be in the other houses?

Luciano (01:10:56.315)
Probably.

Matt (01:10:58.028)
I don't think no, because Harry Potter needs therapy more than anybody.

Luciano (01:11:03.909)
But again, it's not that only Slytherin needs therapy, but everybody in Slytherin needs therapy.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:11:11.0)
He was almost put into Slytherin as well.

Matt (01:11:11.463)
I think every wizard needs therapy. Every single one. Listen, we're not going too far into it, if you go... It's just a gambling problem.

Luciano (01:11:13.253)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:11:16.826)
Probably, given what we've seen. Yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:11:20.402)
Yeah. Except for McGonagall, she's great.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:11:28.196)
Hmm. Allegedly.

Luciano (01:11:28.611)
Allegedly.

Matt (01:11:29.294)
If you go through anybody's history in the rest of the movies, everyone has massive drama in the backstory. Not one person comes from a good home with a good family. Yes, the Weasleys are fine.

Luciano (01:11:37.879)
No, the whistlies are fine. Comparatively, yes.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:11:39.216)
Hermione?

Matt (01:11:44.526)
Hmm, Percy?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:11:44.528)
I'd say so. They're poor, but they're loving.

Luciano (01:11:49.36)
Yeah.

Matt (01:11:50.008)
Maybe they've told.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:11:50.428)
Percy in this movie is just, he just really wants things. Ambitious. He's ambitious, baby.

Matt (01:11:55.108)
There's too many kids and not enough attention and love to go around to all of them.

Luciano (01:11:59.377)
I'm not saying they're not neurotic. I'm just saying comparatively.

Matt (01:12:02.888)
I just said, I said everybody needed therapy and you haven't proven me wrong. Next question.

Luciano (01:12:10.565)
Maybe if they had therapy they would stop thinking they can do magic.

Matt (01:12:15.022)
Great segue, Luciano. To magic. Magic is a good question. How does a spell know it's been cast?

Luciano (01:12:16.119)
Hahaha!

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:12:18.161)
Luciano (01:12:23.875)
Mmm.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:12:24.656)
Well, I guess that implies that spells have feelings and they're living beings.

Matt (01:12:27.47)
I mean, you tell me, I'm just asking questions.

Luciano (01:12:32.005)
Well, they know and they have been called by the wrong name. According to Hermione at least.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:12:37.141)
Mm -hmm. It's because somebody says, hey, hey, there we go.

Luciano (01:12:40.858)
Hmm.

Luciano (01:12:47.755)
not all spells kill people but hey are they all roman is that why they only answer in latin

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:12:50.086)
I know, but for the Avada Kedavra one.

Matt (01:12:56.947)
I mean, that's starting to make some sense. That's why when all the guys were like, what is it, turn my big fat yellow, didn't work, it was English.

Luciano (01:12:57.411)
Hmm, right?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:12:58.947)
Mmm.

Luciano (01:13:04.483)
It didn't work.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:13:06.49)
like nah bitch if you had said yellowess

Luciano (01:13:07.727)
Yeah, or whatever whatever the equivalent of not bitching Latinas

Matt (01:13:13.484)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:13:14.242)
Niiiice bitches. I don't know what I'm talking. I don't know. Can you edit that in post? Thank you.

Luciano (01:13:17.051)
I don't know what that was. Yeah.

Matt (01:13:18.816)
No, maybe Italian or maybe Latin. knows? No, God, no, I've never never, never do that.

Luciano (01:13:23.781)
Hahaha

Luciano (01:13:28.251)
think it knows what I don't think it knows when it's been cast per se. think it knows when it's being called to action and then it just does its thing.

Matt (01:13:36.718)
Okay, yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:13:37.396)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. -hmm. Mm -hmm. So you don't think they have to whisper? The wizard has to whisper just before they do the spell?

Luciano (01:13:45.357)
it helps. It helps. For sure.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:13:49.646)
Now you're gonna

Clean up our armists. You know?

Matt (01:13:58.221)
Maybe?

Luciano (01:13:58.492)
yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:13:59.904)
Moving on, shall we?

Matt (01:14:01.838)
Yeah, why not? This seems like a good time as any. The point system seems a little fuzzy to me in this movie. 50 points for this, five points for that.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:14:11.286)
this fucking point system

Luciano (01:14:13.425)
Fuzzy is a nice way of putting it. This is about as meaningful as whose line is it anyway. Let's be honest here.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:14:20.762)
Meow, meow, meow, meow.

Matt (01:14:20.802)
Yeah. So let's let's try to clarify something for me.

Luciano (01:14:26.865)
Okay.

Matt (01:14:29.774)
Given what we know, just want to see a couple of situations why these, I'll give you some example situations. You tell me what happened here and why these points happened. So like, let's say McGonagall gave, I don't know, Neville minus 23 points. What do you think happened there?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:14:49.638)
Mm. Mm -hmm.

Luciano (01:14:51.855)
Neville specifically,

Matt (01:14:52.556)
Laura, yeah, Laura, you take this one. I want to ask a bunch. Let's not, you know, I'll ask you a different one to lose. know, just to understand the system.

Luciano (01:14:55.29)
Okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:15:00.604)
I'm going to say Neville got minus 23 points from McGonagall because she found him in the hallway crying because, God, know, I don't like the beginning of this answer. I, I,

Luciano (01:15:18.491)
You're poor Neville. Poor Neville.

Matt (01:15:18.956)
You're trapped now.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:15:25.02)
Yeah, because McGonagall rolled up to Neville and he was crying and she's like stop being a little bitch. Your grandmother called me and said you're being a little bitch. Minus 23.

Luciano (01:15:36.497)
She was, she was, was she coming from like a loss in her gambling ring? okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:15:41.34)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was not sober. I'm not saying she was sober. So she was just like, I'm sick of this. God, no, like she had so many butterbeers, she was burping and hiccuping. And he was like, he just looked at her and she was like, minus 23. Get out of here.

Luciano (01:15:44.858)
That's fair.

Matt (01:15:45.142)
Yeah. But they could have never admitted to the kids, right?

Luciano (01:15:50.351)
no, no.

Luciano (01:16:01.69)
Okay.

Matt (01:16:03.084)
Okay, but that seems fair.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:16:04.028)
crickets. You should insert cricket noise. Okay. You come up with one Luciano.

Matt (01:16:08.238)
Cricket, cricket, cricket. Hey, Luciano, why? I guess all the professors could give out points. So why did Professor Hooch give 21 points to George Weasley?

Luciano (01:16:16.272)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:16:32.913)
Why did she give him 21 points?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:16:35.803)
You

Luciano (01:16:40.047)
Which one of the Weasleys is George again? I don't remember. the twins, OK.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:16:44.806)
He's one of the twins.

Matt (01:16:45.324)
One of the twins. do you know? my God. You're fired. There's only four in this one. Plus Ginny for a second.

Luciano (01:16:48.983)
No, too many Weasleys man, I'm sorry. Yeah, there's a lot.

For a single second, yes. Good luck. That's it. That's genies in this movie. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:16:59.802)
This is the.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:17:03.856)
This is Hoot,

Matt (01:17:07.328)
Yeah, yeah, Luciano.

Luciano (01:17:07.385)
Yeah, you want to take this one too? No, take it it Laura. She seems like she knows the answer

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:17:12.412)
I know the answer. I think that in a like after a Quidditch game, George was helping to clean up the balls. He was helping Hoot. Like everybody had left the field and so he was just like helping her out. You know, like she was struggling to get the bludgers in and all this sort of stuff. And she's like, thank you so much. And he's like, no problem. And then he gave her little tap on the butt and she was like, 21 points.

Luciano (01:17:41.361)
Okay, they did not see that coming. I thought you were gonna say, he said, you you're too good for Snape and walk away and she's like, 21 points to Gryffindor.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:17:43.621)
you

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:17:53.882)
No, she doesn't think she's too good for Snape. She knows what that is. It's a situationship and she's down.

Luciano (01:17:56.973)
my god. Okay. All right.

Matt (01:18:05.677)
Why, yeah, that's great. Luciano, why did Doubledore give 1 .2 Hagrid?

Luciano (01:18:16.431)
Why did he give one point to Hagrid, who's not even a student?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:18:18.608)
like currently or when he was a student?

Matt (01:18:21.364)
I just, I, no more, no more context is provided. Yes, obviously he was a student. Watch the fucking movies. God damn.

Luciano (01:18:21.957)
Was he ever a student? Okay. So the...

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:18:26.172)
I'm not... not gonna dignify - Watch the fucking movies!

Luciano (01:18:29.401)
I don't remember him being a student, but okay. He gave Hagrid one point for the one time during dinner when Hagrid didn't shit his pants.

Matt (01:18:32.107)
my fucking god.

Matt (01:18:45.786)
So in your world, Hager shits his pants at dinner every single time. They who should not be named, world. Hager shits his pants at every dinner.

Luciano (01:18:49.903)
Yes. This is not my world. This is Joanne's world. This is Joanne's world.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:18:51.618)
At every dinner? That's what I'm just looking at it.

Luciano (01:18:57.667)
Right. Yeah, because he eats too much.

Matt (01:19:02.53)
Wow. I don't know if we got.

Luciano (01:19:03.397)
He

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:03.516)
Because he's a giant?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:07.868)
very anti -giant, if I've ever heard.

Matt (01:19:13.237)
Lord how many -

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:15.814)
Yeah.

Matt (01:19:26.698)
Laura, how many points should we take from Luciano for that answer?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:30.946)
every single point and like generations of points and family points like all of them.

Luciano (01:19:32.561)
I have none, so that's fine.

Matt (01:19:32.706)
Yeah.

Matt (01:19:39.062)
All right, well, this is how ruin the game. We're moving on from it.

Luciano (01:19:41.457)
Yay!

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:41.653)
Yeah

Matt (01:19:44.939)
Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:46.725)
Do you have to go poop? Is that what's happening right now?

Luciano (01:19:48.887)
No, when you said Neville was crying, I immediately thought because he shat his pants. So I wanted to use it. I just wanted to use it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:19:55.142)
Ohhhh

Matt (01:19:55.148)
Wow.

Matt (01:19:58.798)
Hey, is, what are the bludgers in Quidditch? What's their motivation? Like when they get let out of that chest, what's going on there?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:20:09.478)
go out of heat.

Luciano (01:20:11.718)
Hmm.

Matt (01:20:11.906)
Sat -Tor motivation, hate, I feel like that's just an emotion.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:20:13.665)
No, no, no, I think their motivation is they're anti -racist and so they're trying to...

I hate this game.

Luciano (01:20:23.055)
Wow, you painted yourself into a weird corner. I wanna see you get out of it.

Matt (01:20:23.17)
So what?

Is there a different term for anti -racist?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:20:27.382)
I hate this. I wanna go

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:20:32.927)
Matt (01:20:35.703)
Nope. Okay, moving on.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:20:36.636)
Can I go home? no. no.

Luciano (01:20:40.931)
You are home.

Matt (01:20:41.002)
You are home. This is very awkward.

Luciano (01:20:45.009)
I think they're like kept in captivity. This is not starting well for me either, whatever. They're kept, listen, they're kept locked down because they are too happy otherwise. And so they take, okay, fuck it, I'm gonna go with it. So what happens is there is an entire village or like actually,

Matt (01:20:53.772)
No, it is not.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:20:54.128)
Yeah. Yeah.

Matt (01:21:03.246)
okay.

Matt (01:21:10.117)
god.

Luciano (01:21:14.587)
several villages of bludgers who are just happy. They're not even called bludgers. They're called something else. I don't know what. Don't make me say it. But then what happens is, listen, listen, what happens is when they commit a crime, like walking the grounds at night, they are the bludgers. They are picked up by the bludger police and then they have

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:21:25.436)
Don't make me say it.

Matt (01:21:26.786)
some good world building you're doing.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:21:28.939)
you

Matt (01:21:37.154)
The bludgers. Okay. Okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:21:38.374)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Luciano (01:21:43.745)
exactly like they can't commit any crime there's no like three three strikes are out it's one strike you're out caught it caught up in any crime you're captured and you're kept in captivity until you're angry enough that you want to hit some hit wizards in the face and then

Matt (01:22:01.454)
think they made a Star Trek episode about this.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:22:03.708)
was just gonna say, that reminds me of the TNG episode.

Luciano (01:22:09.241)
And then, you know, they're given a job to and if they can hit enough wizards in the face, they've done their time and they can go back to the bludger village. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:22:09.658)
you

Matt (01:22:09.709)
Okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:22:17.66)
they're allowed back. So Quidditch is like ask a band to them.

Luciano (01:22:22.597)
Yes. And they return like veterans from war. They can't find jobs, they punch people in bars, that kind of stuff. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:22:33.979)
my god, this is off the rails.

Luciano (01:22:37.137)
Off the rails into an abyss.

Matt (01:22:40.76)
Let me ask a better question.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:22:43.664)
Wait, wait, can I answer, try again? I think they, you know what, you really shouldn't have given me this chance, please move on.

Matt (01:22:46.282)
I guess.

Luciano (01:22:47.717)
You

No, go for it, because you're not gonna do it any, like, it's not gonna be any worse than I was, so.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:22:55.644)
I was gonna say, think they like, they hate athletes. And so they just try and please just move on. let, it wasn't a well formulated idea. my God. Who's running this podcast? Move on.

Luciano (01:23:05.509)
I see.

Matt (01:23:08.302)
Moving on!

Matt (01:23:12.172)
Hey it's me, Wander Brothers Guy. And I gotta bleed, I gotta bleed this franchise so dry. So what minor character are we gonna make the next movie about?

Luciano (01:23:14.798)
Ayyyy

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:23:15.258)
Okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:23:19.59)
So dry.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:23:24.378)
Mmmmm

Luciano (01:23:28.763)
You want to go Laura? Go. I'll go after. Go.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:23:30.446)
Okay, I can go. I want to see the adventures of... I almost forgot his name. Trevor Longbottom.

Like, where does yeah, where does Neville's toad always end up that he's just like he's like gone and they just shows up and he's like, what's that? Like, what do think he's up to? Do think he's devil snaring it? Do you think he's off?

Matt (01:23:44.984)
Toad?

Luciano (01:23:46.067)
Yeah, of course.

Luciano (01:23:56.985)
What kind of a game, what kind of a movie is it?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:24:02.28)
It's kind like the Never, not the Never any story. god, what's that one with the two dogs and a cat and then they like go off on an adventure?

Matt (01:24:09.547)
incredible journey.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:24:11.553)
Yeah. No. Is that the name of the movie?

Luciano (01:24:12.507)
Okay.

Matt (01:24:14.691)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:24:14.98)
Maybe.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:24:16.23)
Guys, I really liked this idea and you're not falling for it. Like... Well, that's it.

Luciano (01:24:18.822)
Run with it, I haven't heard the idea.

Matt (01:24:21.166)
I'm sorry, I just gave you the answer to the movie and you're like, that's not it. I hate this. I hate everything.

Luciano (01:24:27.02)
Hahaha!

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:24:27.63)
No, is that is that the name of the thing? OK. Yeah, so like. Homeward bound exactly, dumb. Yeah, so like he joins up with like he just sees other characters along the way, like a lot of his adventures are in the Forbidden Forest where he meets up with like he'll like hop on Forensic's back.

Matt (01:24:30.327)
Yes!

Or do you want, yeah, Homeward Bound the Incredible Journey. Is that better?

Luciano (01:24:38.959)
Okay.

Matt (01:24:42.146)
Jesus

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:24:57.19)
He'll like chill with the unicorn. Like they're all like sitting around a campfire just telling stories about the kids in Hogwarts. You know, giant spiders try and catch him and he's like, no, get back, get your own frog, et cetera, et cetera.

Luciano (01:25:15.153)
Okay.

Luciano (01:25:19.225)
Is that, the, what is it called? The Adventures of Trevor Longbottom? Okay. I actually liked the name a lot. Yeah. Okay.

Matt (01:25:19.682)
Great.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:25:24.144)
Yeah.

Thank you.

Matt (01:25:29.42)
Luciano, do you have an alternate option? great.

Luciano (01:25:30.851)
I do, yeah. So the story is a spin -off, like it's set way in the past, and it follows this... What? You don't know what I'm doing.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:25:34.077)
god, I hope it's good.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:25:40.282)
Matt (01:25:40.75)
Don't do it. Don't do it.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:25:45.264)
Yeah. We have...

Matt (01:25:46.296)
Don't you fucking describe Fantastic Beasts

Luciano (01:25:49.303)
No, I've never watched it, so I can't. So it's set in the past, far, far away past. I mean, in like the 1400s or something. Or even earlier before. So it's about this French knight who defends his castle from the British. And the British are trying to get in because they think that there's like a magical artifact in there.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:25:51.972)
Okay, okay. We're about to find out.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:25:58.288)
Like what year?

Okay, okay, 1400s London.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:26:13.401)
Mm

Matt (01:26:13.53)
god.

Luciano (01:26:19.301)
and they're being very adamant about it and being really being dicks about it. And no, in the 1400s. And then, you know, he this this French knight, is the hero of of of this battle because he saves the whole castle from the attacking English. He saves.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:26:19.58)
Mm

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:26:26.33)
Is this Indiana Jones? Okay. Well.

Luciano (01:26:47.183)
the magical artifact that they were after. And he does all that without stepping away from the ramparts of the castle. He orders cows to be tossed with catpults and he taunts them multiple times. And unfortunately, at the end of the movie, he is killed and his head is almost cut off, but not entirely. And so he...

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:27:16.026)
And he looks down and he sees a frog, he sees a toad. And it's Trevor! He's time traveled. The sequel to Trevor's Adventures.

Luciano (01:27:18.907)
Sure, yeah. Yeah, because he's French. He's French and there's a frog and he goes, I'm a frog too. And then they make a really beautiful friendship. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:27:29.916)
But nearly headless Nick isn't French.

Matt (01:27:34.238)
The party grandoy!

Luciano (01:27:40.906)
He is in my story. He just lost the accent over the centuries of being Hogwarts.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:27:42.573)
Okay.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:27:47.446)
Right, right, right, right, right. Right, right, right. I think like seeing his backstory would be fun for sure.

Luciano (01:27:50.481)
That's the movie.

Luciano (01:27:55.407)
I just gave you his backstory, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, the name of the movie is Headful Nick the Holy Grail.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:27:57.436)
Sorry, cows being catapulted, then he almost dies. I mean he does die, he almost gets beheaded, yeah.

Luciano (01:28:12.07)
I'm

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:28:14.422)
Nearly head full neck. Holy crap. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Luciano (01:28:16.33)
No, head full. He was head full until the end of the movie. Then he got nearly headless.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:28:22.882)
Matt, what do you, like, you just name a character that you think would make a good... spin -off movie.

Matt (01:28:32.504)
Just pick any character.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:28:34.906)
Yes, that is the point of the question.

Matt (01:28:38.306)
Are you explaining questions to me on my podcast where I ask questions?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:28:39.324)
Questions flaining, do you?

Luciano (01:28:40.793)
Yeah, stop, stop dodging and answer the question.

Matt (01:28:44.916)
I just had to be clear for everybody else listening. We clearly have to talk about Filch.

Luciano (01:28:53.345)
Ooh, true.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:28:53.434)
Ahhhh

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:28:58.584)
Okay, great. That's it.

Matt (01:28:58.85)
All right. There's your answer. Moving on. Hey, let's let's review this movie. We're the best. We're going to review this movie. Laura has to ask better questions and he wants a better answer. She'll learn one way or another. We're going to talk about our reviews. For this movie, you said it the last time and here you are. Every time you're legally bound to come back when I ask you it's in her vows. Don't look it up.

Luciano (01:29:02.789)
This was awesome podcasting.

Luciano (01:29:08.017)
Hahaha!

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:29:11.824)
If you think I'm coming back on this thing after my... They weren't around.

Luciano (01:29:16.217)
Yeah, you say that every time.

Matt (01:29:27.416)
Let's talk about our reviews for this movie. We famously use the S tier system. S is the highest, F is the lowest. Pick your score, give us some details as to why you love it or hate it. And we'll record it in all time and never post it. Luciano, you go first.

Luciano (01:29:43.195)
Hey, we'll post it at some time, maybe, I think.

Matt (01:29:46.542)
Okay. Yeah. Currently, today, never posted. Almost 50 episodes in. Any day now though, folks.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:29:48.412)
You

Luciano (01:29:51.067)
True, fair.

Yeah, one day. I have it all written down. So I really love this movie. I watched it. So when it came out, I went to the theater to watch it when it came out. I was already a little too old for this. I was 21, I think, when it came out. And I watched it the first time dubbed in Portuguese. That was a bad idea, but I didn't know that it was the dubbed version. So I actually went the next day or the day after that.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:29:55.1)
You

Matt (01:29:58.286)
Just answer the question.

Luciano (01:30:21.243)
to watch it again in English. And I actually enjoyed both times. I watched it maybe another four times or so over the years. And every time I always enjoyed it, it's not like the greatest cinema of all time. It doesn't have to be. fun. The story is fun and funny. The characters are lovable. Laura said this in the beginning, creates a sense of wonder.

Matt (01:30:37.41)
Wow.

Luciano (01:30:50.139)
that they managed and I know this isn't about this movie but they managed to carry through all of the other movies the sense of even when they're older and like we know about all of the things it's still like there's still this wide -eyed wonder feeling in movie and it's just fun it's it's endlessly rewatchable it's an easy a for me easy easy a

Matt (01:31:18.286)
Okay, fair enough. Laura?

Luciano (01:31:24.175)
Wow, okay.

Matt (01:31:25.432)
Show your work.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:31:26.64)
Whimsical as fuck, just the fucking most whimsical, whimsy filled movie. I think it is a gateway drug to the rest of the movies and the books and everything. And like, even when they're not good, they're still enjoyable, rewatchable. Like there's nothing so glaringly wrong with them. You know, like you see like Instagram reels here and there and they're like, why didn't you have a gun?

Luciano (01:31:40.109)
Hahaha!

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:31:56.764)
get out of here. Like, it's not real life. It's a fantasy that feels attainable, you know, that feels like, yeah, I could see myself as Harry or whatever, you know, like, it's, it's a world in which it's not so far away from our own lives that it's just like, unrelatable. And I just think like the films are, well, this film as a first one, it's just, it was a great introduction.

Matt (01:32:24.675)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:32:27.12)
yeah, I think it just was just the right amount of quirky and, but like with great character building, good friendships and, yeah, lovable people like Luciano said.

Like I really can't pinpoint any flaws like. You know, there's.

Luciano (01:32:47.333)
I mean, we did that for an hour and a half, but sure.

Matt (01:32:49.526)
Yeah, it's fine. Nothing there. I'm there now. It's fine. We're moving on. I would like to give this movie an A. I think it's really enjoyable and fun. It's probably higher than what you would expect for a kids movie. Certainly the rest of the movies rub off on it in a way that you can't really extract them from each other, but that's okay. You know, I think there are better movies in the set and maybe a worse movie in the set. But in terms of the excitement of learning about the world and having the fun of

Luciano (01:33:02.448)
Definitely.

Matt (01:33:19.64)
finding out there could be a secret visiting world amongst us. As Laura said, the whimsy is extremely high. So it's a fun movie and it's a good time. And I really appreciate the extended version because it just adds enough more to make it. It adds more to the world in a meaningful way, I think. I would highly recommend watching the extended version as much as possible versus the regular one.

Luciano (01:33:38.385)
A rare thing, right? A lot of the times, the extended versions, you're like, why? didn't need this extra 35 minutes for no reason. And this one actually does make a difference.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:33:38.842)
and reading the book.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:33:46.189)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Totally.

Matt (01:33:51.158)
Okay. How does it feel after watching that? Better? Worse? Indifferent? Just better?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:33:55.174)
just better.

Luciano (01:33:56.099)
It's always fun. It's always fun to watch. Like it never fails to entertain.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:33:59.121)
Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Matt (01:34:03.148)
Are you saying it's fun because you watched the Union last week and

Luciano (01:34:06.603)
That might have had something to do with it, yeah?

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:34:09.36)
It was a nice palette cleanser from the Union for sure.

Matt (01:34:12.577)
Yeah, I made Laura watch the Union.

Luciano (01:34:12.815)
Yeah, I mean, a glass of warm water would be a good pellet cleanser from that shit, but yes. Oof. Glass of warm piss is famously the B title for the Union.

Matt (01:34:18.38)
Ha ha ha ha.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:34:18.502)
class of warm piss would be nice. Anyways.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:34:29.308)
Solid. All right, so we'll watch Chamber of Secrets for next week then. So we're going to go. Is this now a Harry Potter? It's a Harry Potter podcast.

Luciano (01:34:32.518)
Yeah.

Matt (01:34:33.24)
Got

Luciano (01:34:35.481)
Not really.

Matt (01:34:36.27)
I mean, that's a great question.

Matt (01:34:42.156)
now but also Luciano do we pick a movie for next well god okay yeah that's right okay let me just I'll fix this teaching on this in a minute

Luciano (01:34:45.453)
Yes we did, the killer. The John Woo one.

Matt (01:34:59.986)
Lauren, a great suggestion. I'm sure eventually we'll knock out all the Harry Potter's. Unfortunately, we're gonna do like a just a side switch just almost in the same vein. We're gonna watch the... We're gonna watch The Killer, the new John Woo film.

Luciano (01:35:09.105)
A little bit of a step.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:35:10.853)
Right.

Luciano (01:35:14.801)
The movie that John Wu remade which was his own to begin with.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:35:23.075)
Matt (01:35:23.226)
Yeah, it's, I mean, maybe it's rated R. It's hard to say how many people get killed in it. Yeah, that's the thing you could say. I mean, it's some assassins and I mean, maybe someone says about a contrarian. I don't, I don't know.

Luciano (01:35:24.249)
Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:35:28.42)
are for a rollicking good time.

Luciano (01:35:36.122)
Yeah.

Luciano (01:35:42.641)
Yeah, sincerely doubt that last one, but hey, we'll never know. we'll know, you know, next week we'll know. Yeah.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:35:49.222)
You'll know next week.

Matt (01:35:50.892)
Yeah. So yeah, join us next week when we all have watched. Just to be clear, because I'm looking this up now, we're not watching David Fincher's The Killer. John Woo.

Luciano (01:36:02.545)
Yeah, the 2020 forward. Yeah.

Matt (01:36:04.846)
2024 John Woo, Omar C, Sam Worthington. Whoops, that's not gonna be good. Eric Cantona, what the hell? Vehicle. I guess the last guy's a soccer player. He plays football. So yeah, Laura, you gonna watch that one?

Luciano (01:36:08.197)
Yes.

Luciano (01:36:13.425)
The Eric Cantona. Yeah, it is. is. Yeah, he did. Not anymore.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:36:24.59)
No.

Luciano (01:36:25.681)
That's fair.

Matt (01:36:25.686)
Okay, well, maybe Spencer, Chris or Matt will come back. Who knows?

Luciano (01:36:30.319)
Yeah, we'll see.

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:36:30.47)
Yeah, if I don't watch it, I can't be asked to be on, you know?

Matt (01:36:35.35)
She just figured it out. Shit.

Luciano (01:36:37.133)
Yeah, she can say no. Damn. Yeah.

Matt (01:36:40.502)
Yeah. All right. We'll see you next week to watch the killer. Bye.

Luciano (01:36:44.88)
BOOOO

Laur-ios-aaaa (01:36:47.686)
L 'Oreal