Matt (00:00.454)
Hello and welcome to Bobcorn and plot holes.
Chris (00:06.167)
Bloodhullies.
Luciano (00:06.758)
I...plop popcorn and plot holes.
Chris (00:09.335)
bullet.
Matt (00:10.598)
yeah, was trying to- I didn't get full Scarra Scarra in my bed. Popcorn and blood or-
Luciano (00:16.75)
The R has to be like its own syllable on its own. Kornho. Yeah.
Spencer (00:17.651)
and there's yet and yet and you have way too many tones gotta be just one total monotone your your
Chris (00:21.601)
Look what it did to Spencer.
Matt (00:21.64)
pop.
Luciano (00:27.822)
You're too animated. I said nobody ever about Matt.
Spencer (00:28.765)
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That was that was duo toned.
Matt (00:34.291)
Yeah, I'm way too excited, my bad. We watched 20, 2025? Was it this year or 2024? 2024 is Nasferatu, yet another Robert Eggers film. I'm not sure anybody should let that guy make films. You know what? I'm bearing the lead.
Luciano (00:42.126)
2024, 2024.
Spencer (00:47.979)
A Bill Skarsgard penis vehicle?
Chris (00:51.245)
Yeah, we'll get-
Luciano (00:51.734)
You're in the lead very early.
Matt (00:57.362)
vehicle. Yeah, scar scar dong vehicle. Scars dong vehicle. Did you watch this movie?
Luciano (00:58.944)
yeah Swedish dong vehicle yeah
Spencer (01:02.271)
Yeah.
Chris (01:02.847)
It was in, it happened?
Spencer (01:04.779)
I thought they called- I those movies were called DICKY ALERT
Chris (01:07.117)
I'm so glad I missed that.
Luciano (01:08.718)
Yeah.
I specifically have a note that says I did not need to see Nosferatu Dick. Don-DONGELA!
Chris (01:11.853)
You
Spencer (01:13.835)
I have a note that says ejacula.
Chris (01:16.737)
Donula
Matt (01:18.064)
NOSFORDICKYOU
Chris (01:23.447)
Yeah.
Matt (01:24.04)
All a great job, all a great work. With me as always, we have Luciano.
Luciano (01:30.126)
Yeah, yes, Hirato, I guess.
Spencer (01:31.019)
Count or cock.
Matt (01:32.422)
Yeah, Spencer?
Spencer (01:34.795)
I'm just gonna keep these coming.
Matt (01:36.806)
Okay, yeah. Chris.
Chris (01:37.079)
Boo's for R2! BOO!
Matt (01:45.16)
Bearing the lead as always, are going to talk about something positive about this movie just in case. I don't know who knows, but just in case someone didn't like this movie, let's start with let's go positive with Yas for Ratu.
Luciano (01:52.28)
Yeah.
Spencer (01:57.471)
Hahaha.
Chris (01:59.852)
YAAAS
Luciano (01:59.918)
I had to change it after that. had to change it. So my favorite thing about this whole movie was when Thomas gets to the Romanian village where everybody's making fun of him for no reason and laughing and the tavern owner comes up to the people that are following him and says, may the Holy mind of God buggered a lot of you.
Spencer (02:14.283)
Ha ha!
Luciano (02:27.52)
And I was like, that is the best fucking put down I have ever heard in my life. I have to use this in some way, some form. Sure. I want to get fired. What made it? Yeah, that was my favorite thing about this movie.
Chris (02:33.837)
In your place of work? In your place of business?
Spencer (02:34.091)
These files are late! May the holy hand of God bugger you!
Chris (02:44.045)
Yeah.
Based on your employee, based on the feedback your coworkers have given us, there's a lot of room for growth, Luciano. What do you have?
Spencer (02:52.107)
Bugger them all!
Luciano (02:53.462)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Matt (02:55.12)
A lot of them.
Chris (02:59.085)
my gosh.
Spencer (02:59.733)
I be the prince of rats! I'm in ju-du!
Matt (03:05.384)
And I won't bugger the lot of them. Spencer, why don't you go next?
Spencer (03:10.615)
I mean, there, I think they, I think the standout for the movie is just like, instead of picking a scene, I'll just pick the, like the cinematography, which was fucking incredible. I thought like as good as it gets. So just the movie looked like, in my opinion, like fucking awesome. Like when he was, Thomas was like going into that cart in the walking in the woods.
Chris (03:10.623)
Matt (03:32.271)
What do mean by cinematography?
Spencer (03:40.329)
Yeah, and the carriage pulls up and there's no driver. It's like each of those scenes was like you could take a freeze frame and like make a poster. It's really great.
Chris (03:43.095)
with the horses.
Luciano (03:52.206)
At the beginning where Alan is hallucinating and you only see the shadow of Nosorato on the curtains is pretty cool too.
Spencer (03:54.631)
Yeah, there's a lot of like really good shots. So visually like fucking so good. One of the best visual like. Again, I guess I'll say cinematography, but production design like all of it coming together to make it just look really, really cool. Yeah, I know. I'll just say, yeah, looked, it looked good like the dog. Like the camera, the dog shading was perfect.
Chris (03:58.572)
Yeah.
Matt (04:01.874)
So it's just stunning movie.
Chris (04:01.932)
Mm-hmm.
Matt (04:14.448)
Yeah, you sound like a douche when you say cinematography. When we say it look real purrty. Now we know what you mean.
Luciano (04:23.291)
Yeah, uh-uh-uh, yeah, this all this talking about cinematography is cuz he liked the dong. That's it
Matt (04:23.752)
The dong shading was accurate.
Spencer (04:25.675)
Yeah, yeah, that clears it up. Cocula.
Matt (04:31.848)
We dog action. Chris.
Luciano (04:34.776)
Cochula.
Chris (04:36.045)
Okay.
Luciano (04:38.444)
Cox for two.
Chris (04:38.893)
Calculate chocolate cereal box. okay. So yeah, don't my okay. How do do this? This is
Matt (04:39.88)
you
Matt (04:43.378)
Don't eat that.
Matt (04:50.204)
You just gotta pick something you like to in the movie. It's not that hard. This is like the only thing we do every show. You should have been prepared for this.
Chris (04:52.149)
I'm trying very, very- it is hard!
Luciano (04:52.472)
Yeah.
Chris (04:57.629)
Nope. You can't prepare for Cochula. Now this movie, if I was to try to- That's not the VHS!
Spencer (05:01.291)
Just clip that. Clip that. Clip that.
Luciano (05:07.022)
Nobody expects the bohemian inquisition.
Matt (05:11.08)
You
Chris (05:11.413)
Listen, okay, so I think the interpretation of Orlok as Nosferatu and this Dracula-esque character, I think it's an interesting modern take. Like it's not Dracula, as I've been educated, but I think it's a unique caricature. I don't wanna say caricature, but what I'm trying to say is, because I really enjoy like character design and I enjoyed what, it's not, but what they've given us.
Spencer (05:32.395)
It's not Dracula. It's Calcula.
Chris (05:40.973)
You wanted Dracula, but you've got 2024 new and improved because you've never seen it poor!
Matt (05:41.397)
Yeah
Luciano (05:41.422)
Donk's for R2 you You put some respect on donk's for R2
Chris (05:50.893)
Now with dick-lick hair! Now, so character design. I appreciated the design of his character. That's what I have.
Luciano (06:00.974)
I was digging deep.
Matt (06:02.546)
fucking the biggest stretch in the history of time and space. I was stretched more than the forescaner was dong, but I digress.
Chris (06:04.255)
I told you. I told you.
Chris (06:09.793)
HAHAHAHA
Luciano (06:11.224)
Someone had to say it. Someone had to say it.
Matt (06:14.068)
I liked two things and I'm going to combine them because it was the same energy and feel and it's a doctor professor. Sorry, just professor. I guess he wasn't a doctor. Professor Albin Ebert von Franz and doctor. He wasn't a doctor either. Knock hair knock the very, very German hair knock who spoke in perfect old English.
Spencer (06:21.995)
He wasn't a professor either.
Chris (06:24.855)
Professor!
Chris (06:31.501)
malpractice. Dr. Malpractice?
Matt (06:39.216)
They both brought the exact energy I needed to this movie, was, I don't give a fuck what you're trying to do here, I'm just gonna chew the scenery. Like a pigeon head in a prison under the hospital. I really enjoyed their energy because it helped break up what was a very, I'm sure it was supposed to be a very atmospheric movie, but it was the same atmosphere all the time. And so it just kinda landed flat. So they were fun characters who were just.
Luciano (06:45.502)
Yes!
Chris (07:04.065)
Yeah
Matt (07:08.092)
having fun with the movie, screaming Providence.
Luciano (07:11.246)
You just enjoy hearing Willem Dafoe repeat the sentence, cockscroll over and over again.
Matt (07:17.672)
The more dick references I can get in the movie the better it is for me whether it's real dick or cockscrew it really was I Appreciate that Let's talk about this movie At large if we must we in the pre-show when we were getting our questions together and talking with this movie there was confusion amongst us in terms of What the fuck a nas for a two is what the fuck a Dracula is what the fuck?
Chris (07:21.685)
It's a veritable buffet, really and truly.
Chris (07:29.751)
If we must. We shall.
Luciano (07:32.77)
He remissed.
Matt (07:46.184)
Twilight is, now we understand that's bullshit. it should never sparkle. But really, the first confusing part of this movie is the fact that this movie takes liberally from the Nosferatu story and from...
Chris (07:48.845)
It listens!
Luciano (08:01.858)
Bremsoaker, yeah.
Matt (08:03.034)
I Bram Stoker's, feels like it's just dabbling in whatever Dracula or Lorat wants to do things. And so it mixes it together, right?
Spencer (08:03.625)
No, so-
Chris (08:06.509)
Yeah.
Spencer (08:06.537)
Well, it's basically the original Nosferatu movie was an unlicensed like ripoff of the Dracula. Yeah. Of the Bram Sturges Dracula, much like, you know, like the, those crappy modern day, like where they don't have the rights to it. So instead of Pacific Rim, they'll call it like Atlantic, Atlantic Rim. Exactly. So it it was the first version of that.
Luciano (08:10.059)
Yeah.
Matt (08:17.789)
Yes.
Chris (08:22.189)
Brian Stoker.
Chris (08:29.997)
you
Matt (08:34.192)
Atlantic Rim. is factual.
Luciano (08:34.602)
Atlantic Room
Chris (08:36.717)
Atlantic bowl. wow.
Spencer (08:36.765)
And then they basically the, so they changed like Van Helsing to this, to Von whatever the fuck his name is. They trained Dracula to Nosferatu, but it's really like almost the exact same story with some tweaks. And then the estate that owned Dracula like sued them and got them to destroy all the copies of the original movie, but they didn't destroy them all. Some survived. And then it became like a, a film classic because it's well-made and shot and it was very original and it's filmmaking.
Chris (09:00.269)
Cool.
Spencer (09:06.091)
So became like kind of like history. this is like almost the erect remake of the original Nosferatu. Like it's almost the exact same story.
I did. It is an erect remake of ejacula. So that is that's why it's like you're like, is this Dracula? Is it? Yes, it is. It's just like the no name off brand version of Dracula.
Chris (09:17.453)
Did you say... Did you say erect?
Luciano (09:20.78)
Yeah, he did.
Matt (09:22.482)
Whoops.
Chris (09:26.925)
Okay.
Spencer (09:36.327)
the RC Cola to Dracula's Pepsi.
Chris (09:38.669)
very well then.
Matt (09:38.952)
It feels like though...
Chris (09:42.598)
Ayyyy
Luciano (09:43.843)
There you go.
Matt (09:45.668)
It feels like, cause I've read the, and this is coming from Wikipedia, so take what you want from this whole line of questioning, but it feels like what was in the original Nosferatu movie based on that and how this movie ends. They like added in an extra hour of stuff from when Nosferatu lands in Weisberg till when he finally like nails or Ellen nails him. I don't know who nailed anybody. It was a lot of weird blood.
Spencer (10:15.56)
Yeah.
Matt (10:15.856)
Listen, I'm gonna digress here for a second. It's my fault. How do you suck blood out of someone's chest when you bite into like the bone?
Spencer (10:21.515)
He bites into their heart!
Luciano (10:22.678)
Yeah, yeah. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah, there's a bone there.
Chris (10:22.765)
Yeah. Yeah. That's not what your heart is.
Spencer (10:25.887)
No, he bites right where it's... You think he can't get through... bone? Come on! Come on! What are you showing me?
Matt (10:30.248)
There's a bone!
Luciano (10:34.134)
Yeah, I don't.
Matt (10:34.524)
Based on the puncture and what happens, yes.
Luciano (10:39.278)
Maybe that's why he had to drink so much blood because he kept on trying and couldn't get any.
Chris (10:44.619)
He went bone and marrow first and then try to get, it's like trying to get out of a hole by digging down.
Luciano (10:46.946)
Yeah.
Matt (10:53.018)
And that's why he died in the morning. Anyways, my point was it seemed like there's a lot more going on in this movie in the last third. Like I don't, I don't, didn't recall the scene where, Craven banks his dead wife's corpse in their fucking grave. Yes, I don't know. Behind the times.
Spencer (11:05.493)
straight from the 1922 original. They were very ahead of their time. Ahead of their time? Racy? don't know. Behind in the times? No, I don't believe the necrophilia was in the original soundless version. Just imagine, the guy grabs his wife and it, like, cuts to the dialogue. my poor wife! Yeah, it cuts back.
Luciano (11:07.284)
Creep it.
Matt (11:30.162)
So like, we're gonna get...
Spencer (11:35.347)
Nice!
Spencer (11:38.919)
Yeah, that's what I'm Yeah, and then it's just a violin playing.
Luciano (11:39.182)
And they have you have to write it on the screen right like that and then and then he bangs the corpse
Matt (11:42.887)
Yeah.
Chris (11:44.641)
Yes.
Matt (11:46.705)
I'm-
I'm pretty sure in quotes it's just like an eight and a bunch of equal signs and a capital D and then a bunch of like minus signs. Yeah. Yeah.
Chris (11:49.933)
Mm-hmm.
Spencer (11:50.237)
Yeah
Luciano (11:56.236)
Yeah, the first ever emoji used in history.
Spencer (11:56.767)
And then two X's for eyes and a sad face.
Chris (12:04.449)
And then it cuts to him at the end and he has a kerchief and he's like...
Spencer (12:06.059)
Awkward silence.
Luciano (12:10.06)
Hahaha
Chris (12:11.138)
Dab dab.
Matt (12:12.184)
but like, so I'm, I'm banging on this movie. and the reality is this, it's not a bad movie. It's just not a good movie. It's a confusing movie. And I'm curious, like when you guys watch this movie, like, what is it like, whenever you watch a movie is like, what is this movie trying to tell you? Like, what do you think this movie was trying to tell you or what story or feeling or like emotion was it trying to invoke? Cause I don't know.
Chris (12:14.657)
Hey.
Spencer (12:37.076)
HORNINESS!
Spencer (12:41.245)
It is a very horny movie.
Matt (12:42.216)
Look at this dick.
Luciano (12:42.83)
that one, that one it did.
Matt (12:47.137)
I mean, yeah, but like, doesn't make any sense as to why, how horny it is.
Spencer (12:48.039)
It makes sense. Listen, I'm going to out on a limb here. I know everybody hated hating. It's the cool thing to do these days. I actually like this movie because I am a snob, a pretentious film. And I want to be I want to see feel special, but I actually did like a lot of I didn't love this movie, but they are saying a lot of things.
Matt (12:54.76)
Explain it to me.
Spencer (13:17.203)
You know, in terms of. You know, I don't want to get into a long diatribe, you know. OK, so the theme of the movie.
Chris (13:22.189)
The dialogue, they said a lot of things.
Matt (13:24.498)
Say it. me what they're saying. At no point have you said anything of value.
Luciano (13:31.232)
Yeah, you did for this podcast what this movie did for movies.
Chris (13:31.497)
Yeah
Spencer (13:32.885)
So the theme, quiet you. So the theme of this movie is like about loneliness as well as like dealing with like women's the misogyny back of the time and like how lonely it is when you're dealing with mental health and stuff in the time and that isolation led her to. I don't read, you know this.
Matt (13:36.134)
Yes.
Chris (13:37.245)
Yeah
Chris (13:58.797)
Mmm.
Matt (14:00.712)
Spencer, where did you read this?
Spencer (14:01.531)
I watched film breakdowns on YouTube. I watched... Yeah, you know, don't call me out on my flaws. We discussed this.
Luciano (14:04.507)
Hahaha!
Matt (14:05.424)
What YouTube video did you watch? Exactly. That's the problem. Someone had to tell you what this movie meant.
Luciano (14:08.472)
Hahaha
Chris (14:16.109)
Yeah.
Luciano (14:17.046)
Hahaha!
Spencer (14:17.451)
Yes, I for my eye by myself determine these things. No, like even when I was watching it, like I like I got away from it that it was just like she like she is at the beginning. She's like that, you know, desperate, you know, and she calls for like anything. She's like praying to God for her for anything to help her. And she basically Nosferatu answers. Right.
Matt (14:17.884)
Sorry, everybody who heard that, forget you heard that. Let's basically continue.
Spencer (14:45.097)
And then he, and then basically he he's like, basically she has like a special ability or a natural ability that she can't really comprehend. And so she's like desperate for any kind of answer. And then he's like, I'll basically give P yeah, I'll accept the charges. And, and he like basically gives her like a kind of a twisted form of love, which like makes her feel less alone, which lets her get through life until she meets Thomas. And then that.
Chris (15:03.405)
accept the charges. I'll pick up the collector.
Luciano (15:05.801)
Hahaha!
Spencer (15:15.229)
makes that is enough to make her be sane. And then basically her crazy ex boyfriend comes back.
What I'm trying to say is the theme of the movie is that women need a man to keep them sane. Because that's... You know, that's kind of the message when you really step back. Is if,
Matt (15:26.598)
You're just explaining the plot of the movie to me and I still don't understand.
Luciano (15:33.102)
there you go.
Matt (15:33.288)
you
Matt (15:38.198)
There we go. Now we got there.
Chris (15:39.137)
What she needs is a man to...
Luciano (15:41.774)
I don't know, to me it felt like the movie was going out of its way to try to be off-putting and weird. It tried to be scary and it ended up just being strange. At any point I was not scared or even tense.
Spencer (15:53.386)
Hmm.
Luciano (16:07.104)
Like I was just like what the fuck is going on? I asked that question so many times when I was watching this movie and I feel like Roger or whatever his face is the director Or that Yeah, it's his brother Roger
Spencer (16:17.066)
Robert.
Matt (16:17.542)
Robert Eggers. Rogers.
Spencer (16:19.979)
his brother Roger Baconers.
Chris (16:23.839)
Roger Flubbers.
Luciano (16:28.192)
Yeah, there you go. The director, I feel like he was too focused on being artsy fartsy about it. I don't know, he lost the plot in there. I went in expecting a scary movie, like a genuinely scary movie. I guess.
Spencer (16:41.319)
Yeah, that was your mistake.
Yeah, no, think that what this movie is guilty of is like, I think he wanted to make a true remake of the original, but the plot of the original is very bare bones, especially by modern standards. So he tries.
quiet you how dare you accuse the 1930s. Quiet Jews, the 19. How dare you say that 1920s Germans were racist against Jews? But I think the Paul is very bare bones and he was like, I gotta make like every plot point in this movie have a deeper meaning. It's like, at the end, it's, know, it's not just him like forgetting that the sun's coming up. It's like we have to make this like
Luciano (17:01.034)
It's also very anti-semitic, the original. Very.
Matt (17:06.642)
Are you saying quite you or quite you? I can't tell.
Spencer (17:29.469)
emotional connection where he's so enamored with her and he's like her it's like basically making it deeper than it is to you know
Luciano (17:40.214)
Yeah, I understand what his intention was, but I feel like he like he was so focused on making it look good. And I use good liberally here. And he forgot because like, that the end it was like, I was like, what the fuck happened? Did he die because he drink her blood? Or did he die because the sun come came up or?
Spencer (17:53.269)
Yes.
No. Yes.
Matt (18:02.172)
The book very clearly describes that a maiden had to bang him till sunrise and then he would die. The Cox Crow.
Spencer (18:04.234)
Yes.
He got, he got, he was, he was too deep on the sauce. You know, he was, he was, he was going into the pain too hard. And what happened was the son killed them. And basically like he has this like control over people and her and, basically his weakness was her. She had that control over him where he was so enamored with her. couldn't control himself. He couldn't pull out.
Luciano (18:08.952)
Cockscrew.
Luciano (18:17.121)
Yeah.
Chris (18:17.421)
Let's do it to pain.
Luciano (18:21.07)
Hahahaha
Matt (18:37.234)
So what you're, so Spencer, what you're telling me is that women will trick men with their vaginas and don't trust women. That's what I heard. That's an anchor baby, that's a trap.
Chris (18:37.261)
pull out. He couldn't pull out.
Spencer (18:41.511)
Mm-hmm. Yes. Put a baby, put a baby in me.
Luciano (18:45.262)
Oh no. Oh no.
Spencer (18:51.723)
I just ask you questions and I'm just doing my best to answer them logically and failing
Chris (18:51.775)
No. What is happening?
Matt (18:54.278)
I don't know. I'm just asking questions and Spencer is confirming.
No, but like this is the problem with this movie to me and I have the same problem when I watched The Northman which is another Robert Eggers movie where it's a tale of Vikings and sometimes there's mysticism in it and there's other times where it's like he just wants revenge against the guy who killed his dad and the movie kind of just meanders around and at one point Nicole Kidman who's his mom tries to bang him and it's the same shit it's just like
Chris (19:01.497)
no.
Matt (19:28.06)
You know, you just can't throw creepy sex in here because you like it. Like you need to make this movie make sense. And it feels like this movie is on the cusp of telling us a story. And other times it's just like, it's like, I'm also horny. So let me do this weird shit over here for a second.
Spencer (19:31.925)
Don't insult my porn. mean, my movie.
Luciano (19:32.045)
Hahaha
Spencer (19:45.481)
The horniness was the part of the movie.
Matt (19:52.818)
But how?
Chris (19:53.249)
That doesn't make it right or good.
Spencer (19:55.529)
No, part of the layer, I mean, whether you like it or not, part of the thing about this movie was like. The sexual connection like basically drinking blood was a very sexual thing in the movie in general. And. Yeah. Yeah, of course, but in in the movie it's like. Like she even knows the first scene with her and her husband. It's like she wanted to have sex with him and he was like I have to go sell.
Matt (19:56.018)
Just because you're horny and you put hornyness in your movie doesn't mean the hornyness added.
Matt (20:10.76)
That is the standard, like, first day of Dracula.
Luciano (20:10.848)
yeah, yeah, you can tell.
Spencer (20:24.667)
Real estate. So she's like she's like sexually repressed in a time where it's wrong for women to be sexually active, you know, so she's so repressed and then like like Nasrach was kind of like a. Like basically like a sexual deviant almost awakening it in her. You know, it's like there's a there's like the sub layer of like of. I'm not smart enough to get it all.
Luciano (20:28.962)
Houses or whatever. Yeah
Matt (20:50.12)
Yeah, but here's my problem with this. You only know this because someone told you. But I don't even think that's like necessarily true. That's the problem is, and maybe the problem isn't that that's not true. It's that there's so many things going on that you can't figure out what the theme or the conversation he's trying to have with you.
Spencer (20:52.809)
No, that part I figured out myself. I didn't read that part.
Spencer (20:59.348)
Maybe it's not.
Luciano (21:03.735)
Yeah.
Luciano (21:13.038)
Well, especially because her reaction is so random towards him, right? Like in the same breath, she was like, you never satisfied me like you did. fuck me. she's talking to like, it's like, what is happening there? Is it is it like a conflict or is it just bad acting? Is it both? I don't know. Yeah. And it's not clear. Like any of any one answer would have been fine. But, you know, he picked like which one of these
Matt (21:21.255)
Yes.
Matt (21:27.549)
Yeah.
Chris (21:33.165)
Mmm.
Matt (21:33.19)
Is she being controlled by the demons? Is she not?
Luciano (21:42.752)
of these seven options is, is it? And he goes, yes. Right? That's, that's the problem.
Spencer (21:44.031)
The listen, the move you're looking at it too literally. This movie basically this movie is basically a high budget student art film. Like there's the story, but it's like, but it's like, but it's all about like the symbolism and the fucking like undertones that it is like straight up answers.
Chris (21:47.511)
Yeah. Inconsistent.
Chris (21:53.185)
How are you supposed to look at it then?
Matt (21:59.442)
Right.
Luciano (21:59.566)
That I agree with.
Matt (22:06.106)
I- yes. Yes and why does he then lay out the way to kill Nasratu in like exacting detail, including a picture in a fucking picture book to like she's gotta bang him until cocks crow.
Spencer (22:17.189)
How was she supposed to know he kept banging her till he dies?
Luciano (22:20.321)
Yeah.
Matt (22:25.658)
No, but like, this is my thing, it's like it's all this layered subtext and like, you're supposed to figure it out, which is cool, I get it, like that's, I don't have to understand the art all the time, but then the end of the movie's like, fuck, here's the exact thing you need to know to do this.
Luciano (22:37.102)
And also all of the other things that happen in this movie have no like influence in the end or what needs to be done whatsoever. this. All of it, Kraven banging the bones of his wife or boning the bones of his wife and like. Now, but even the rest, like all of the.
Chris (22:38.605)
Yeah.
Matt (22:46.128)
You mean everything to do with Anna and Kraven?
Spencer (22:47.753)
No, well that part was, I will agree that that was very unnecessary. Even I can't come up with a pretentious explanation for why he banged his wife.
Matt (22:56.346)
You
Luciano (23:01.294)
Like if if Ellen had gone with Thomas to fucking Transylvania and banged him there, the movie would have ended in 15 minutes.
Spencer (23:07.583)
But she wasn't allowed to go.
Matt (23:11.6)
Yeah, but like...
Chris (23:11.767)
How do we... Okay. But yes, yes, but... This is... This is where my confusion comes in. If she had gone with Thomas, what would have... What would have happened to this... Well, I guess the best scenario would have been that this movie would have finished a lot sooner. And then, if Orlok got access to Ellen, what would the end game be beyond... What lies beyond the end game?
Luciano (23:29.655)
Yeah.
Spencer (23:38.027)
There is no end game. is. He said in the movie, he said, I am an appetite. He's just like, he doesn't have a longterm goal. He just like wants her because he lost her and he's like obsessed with her. Just, you know.
Chris (23:42.112)
if he has one.
Luciano (23:43.61)
Okay, so to
Luciano (23:50.967)
Yeah.
Luciano (23:58.754)
So I always understood, and not just with this movie, like whenever it's a movie about vampires and it's not Twilight, it's a story that tries to be decent. It's always about it being a curse. Yes, they live forever. Yes, they have powers, but they have to drink blood. They can't see the sun. They're lonely, all of that stuff. And to me, idea of Nosrat was always he wants to be with her to end the curse. He wants to die, but he can't die.
That was my understanding, but then this movie kind of shits on it because it's not... He's not doing this almost... It feels like he's not doing this because he wants to do it. He's doing this because he feels compelled to do it. Almost like she has power over him too.
Spencer (24:37.375)
No.
A lot of video essayists are saying that he, part of it is he did want to die, but he just didn't want to die alone. And he wanted to take her with him.
Luciano (24:48.187)
no.
Luciano (24:54.944)
Yeah, yeah, I get that. Well.
Chris (24:56.277)
Hmm. Huh.
Spencer (24:58.004)
reach.
Matt (24:58.568)
That's, that is an extreme. That is the challenge with watching a movie. Well, it's just like you're fitting the puzzle pieces into the puzzle holes. Yeah.
Spencer (25:07.401)
Well, well, that's like it. But that's an interpretation. Like I personally thought that it was like he was just so obsessed with her that he like, like lost all focus and his lust. He like he didn't even care he was dying. He wanted it so bad. That's what I thought. But like saying he won't.
Luciano (25:07.895)
Yeah, you don't have the box cover of the puzzle and you're just making it do with the pieces, yeah.
Matt (25:13.736)
.
Chris (25:14.619)
Matt (25:19.686)
I'm fine with that. he's so obsessed. Yes. That makes sense. Yeah.
Luciano (25:23.693)
Yeah, that-
Matt (25:28.188)
And that's why Robert Eggers is saying never put the pussy on a pedestal.
Chris (25:28.328)
Sure.
Spencer (25:28.595)
Never put that position to your test. Talk about the dick you love.
Chris (25:33.047)
Yeah.
Luciano (25:33.115)
Hahahaha!
Spencer (25:34.783)
Bros before hoes!
Matt (25:37.0)
you
Luciano (25:38.061)
You
Chris (25:39.021)
Okay, so all that said, I, he, okay, so given what the rest of you guys, no, no, I'm just processing. No, no, no, I'm not speechless. I'm not speechless. Given what we've been discussing so far, like the curse, the immortality, the hunger, I think to a point he was aware
Spencer (25:41.707)
This movie's made Chris speechless!
Matt (25:47.644)
Yeah
Chris (26:07.059)
of time, aware of the cost, but then when Matt, were saying, yes, I am. Thank you. Yeah. when you were saying that Spencer was trying to like fit the puzzle, like force the puzzle pieces together. I don't know. I think he was aware. And I think there's, there's some validity to him wanting to not either not wanting to die alone or, you know, putting the pussy on a pedestal because he didn't, he didn't, he didn't try.
Matt (26:12.284)
Chris, you're talking about Orlock, right? Okay.
Spencer (26:29.355)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (26:35.649)
to separate himself. then when the sun came up, like, not once did he, like, how long does it take to really remove, like, to suck the blood out of a body? Like, he finally.
Luciano (26:48.044)
Well, if you're biting through the chest, a long time.
Matt (26:48.232)
If you're doing it through bone, really long time.
Spencer (26:52.085)
Hahaha!
Chris (26:52.193)
So this is why, like, he's stupid. He deserved to die. His methods were beyond archaic, beyond unrefined.
Spencer (27:00.885)
I think there's a-
Matt (27:04.647)
I mean, that's the thing though, right? He's an uneven character. That is the crux of, for me, that's the crux of this conversation.
Spencer (27:07.755)
I don't think he's not even, think he's just a flawed monster that's just like-
Chris (27:07.81)
Mm-hmm.
Luciano (27:07.96)
Yeah.
Luciano (27:15.756)
No, but he's flawed in a way that is kind of nonsensical.
Matt (27:16.978)
Cough
Spencer (27:19.113)
Why is he not sensical? He wants to be with this girl and eat her. In both ways.
Chris (27:19.189)
And it's nonsensical and I was going to say comedic, yes.
Luciano (27:23.142)
yeah.
Matt (27:29.178)
Yes. 100%. Great. Yeah, I get it. But then also, he makes this convoluted plan of five years. Why does he have to buy this house in Weisberg in order to come? Why? Like, I guess it's just a ruse to get Thomas to sign her the marriage rights away. But like, this is the thing. She has to give herself willingly to him. But every step of the way, she is unwilling. And so I'm just like,
Spencer (27:41.611)
Which, which, which were meaningless.
Luciano (27:45.687)
Which why, why does he care? Why does he care about the fucking
Luciano (27:52.888)
Yeah.
Spencer (27:55.243)
Well, he's not smart. We did say he was smart.
Chris (27:57.778)
He pissed her off. And I loved it. Correct.
Matt (27:59.112)
Like, you... Yeah, but then, like, okay, but like, it's just another thing where it's like, but is he smart? Because he seems like he's smart enough to like get this whole master plan and control people and manipulate... Yeah, fair.
Spencer (28:05.813)
But the bastard plan was pretty stupid. I mean even he's like I got this contract signed He's like your husband. I was like, no, he signed her away. He's like your husband signed your way He gave you a he doesn't love you. She's like that's bullshit and he's like, like that like it goes nowhere like that's the end of it in that one conversation
Chris (28:12.001)
And the master plan...yes, yes.
Chris (28:24.897)
Yes.
Matt (28:26.418)
He signed this document no one can read.
Chris (28:27.339)
Yes.
Luciano (28:29.486)
And he goes like, you have to come to me of your own volition or of your own will and if you don't I'm gonna kill everyone you love. Like what the fuck?
Chris (28:29.762)
Yes.
Matt (28:36.456)
free will.
Chris (28:40.139)
Yeah, because he was following the he was following the the Betty Nasratu Crocker recipe book of of how to steal how to steal a wife and and it's like you must you you must follow steps one through fifteen and or rather one through fifteen hundred where you need to secure some land because land is everything and it's positioning positioning is everything neighborhood location location location
Luciano (28:47.534)
You
Spencer (28:57.899)
They want a man with land.
Chris (29:09.663)
And then you got to get into the mind of your target audience. like, wow, wow, Betty Nasratu Crocker, vampire grandma. is some, as my ancestor, I've really got it figured out. I would be a fool to disobey and I can't think of a better plan on my own.
Spencer (29:18.249)
I'd watch that movie.
Spencer (29:28.939)
Well, I think he was more following the dentist system, you know, from it's always sunny in Philadelphia. He's like, he's like, it's, I'm not going to kill all of her friends and family. It's the implication. But it's the implication. Should I be worried about these, these women? No. I'm not going to do anything.
Matt (29:37.288)
Yes.
Luciano (29:42.862)
I could if I wanted to!
Matt (29:43.094)
Yeah. Yeah.
Spencer (29:53.705)
Yeah
Matt (29:54.204)
You know, Spencer, you bring up the dentist system. He did demonstrate value by owning property. He definitely engaged physically multiple times.
Spencer (29:57.515)
Yep, that's true.
Chris (30:02.571)
What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good
Matt (30:04.262)
He was nurturing dependence on her by coming to her when she was desperate and then her always dreaming about him. He definitely neglected her emotionally.
Spencer (30:06.346)
Yes?
Spencer (30:10.507)
Yeah, I'm not
Chris (30:12.737)
He accepted the charge.
Luciano (30:15.052)
Are you, wait, are you saying that when he was like stalking her dreams, he was love bombing her? Is that what you're saying?
Matt (30:17.842)
Ahem.
Spencer (30:19.359)
And what's I again?
Matt (30:21.288)
Yeah
Spencer (30:23.019)
No, he'd be like made her seem like they'd be happy together like he would all all he'd she would need
Luciano (30:23.458)
Okay.
Matt (30:24.912)
It's an inspire hope. I'm not, that's the one where it kinda...
Luciano (30:27.776)
Yeah.
Spencer (30:32.829)
Yeah, I thought they were destined to be together.
Matt (30:34.32)
The hope of her him not killing the rest of her friends maybe And the last one said He failed this is why this is why Nasroth 2 died. He failed on separate entirely
Luciano (30:36.62)
Yeah, yeah.
Spencer (30:43.059)
I mean technically they did separate entirely from the earth well
Matt (30:49.704)
No, he died on top of her.
Luciano (30:51.84)
Also, how did he fail? He got her in the end. They both died.
Spencer (30:53.587)
is to separate.
Matt (30:55.496)
No, no, part of the Dennis system is that once you're done, you separate entirely.
Spencer (30:56.671)
Well, she can't like, when they're dead they're not together.
Luciano (30:59.953)
okay.
Matt (31:00.808)
Yeah, that's the S.
Spencer (31:04.499)
Aren't they? No. I mean, I guess maybe. Who knows?
Luciano (31:04.644)
That's Semantics though.
Chris (31:05.197)
Mm.
Matt (31:06.417)
Aren't they?
Matt (31:10.887)
Alright.
Spencer (31:13.821)
Yeah, I mean this movie is a lot. Like it's one of those movies where I'm you know, I'm going to be honest. And when I watched it, I was like, OK, and then once I watched more video essays on it, I was like, yeah, this is kind of nice. It's deep and some of those things I picked up on my own. Not not as many, but I like those things. I like when there's like a, you know.
Matt (31:14.556)
You know what, let's, let's just get off this topic. Cause I feel.
Chris (31:17.111)
We unpacked a lot.
Spencer (31:39.945)
Sorry. All right.
Matt (31:40.71)
No one cares about your personal journey now. I wanna ask fucked up questions, so shut up.
Chris (31:41.707)
What's happening? Help us!
Matt (31:46.514)
First things first, we gotta talk about the medicine in this movie. It is on point. We see them ether Ellen. We see them make her wear corsets to keep the blood flow restricted. Then they bleed her. Calm her womb. Yes, as all men know, calming a womb is just a matter of constricting a woman. They bleed her. What other old timey you did? Yeah.
Chris (31:50.678)
menace?
Spencer (31:51.871)
Yep.
Luciano (31:56.046)
Yeah. and to calm her womb as well. Yeah.
Just tying the corset, yeah, of course.
Spencer (32:08.811)
They bind her. They bind her.
Luciano (32:14.776)
They bind, yeah.
Matt (32:15.836)
What other old timey medicine should they have used to help Ellen?
Luciano (32:21.634)
Well, at one point he says, know, that Sivir is the doctor with the deepest voice in the history of space and time. He says, you know, this is an embolism case. is just a congestion of the blood. She has too much blood. I don't know why they didn't use leeches on her at the very least. And maybe Nosferatu could have eaten them as like snacks, the leeches.
Chris (32:21.645)
They read, okay, go ahead.
Chris (32:40.459)
could have
Spencer (32:43.701)
I mean, did they, did they even try cocaine? Did they even, did they even try cocaine and opium? What kind of doctors are these? They did? I thought they just did ether.
Chris (32:44.621)
Hmm. Yeah. Good for the good for the sodium
Luciano (32:50.766)
So, sodium. True, they did not. They did not.
Chris (32:56.853)
Hey.
Matt (32:56.892)
You and you think they would. Okay. Yeah.
Luciano (32:57.566)
Opium they did! Opium they did! Opium they did! Yeah, yeah, yeah. To make her like calm her. No, no, no. They used opium on her.
Matt (33:04.902)
No, you're right though, Spencer. feel like, because I feel like Dr. Willem van Helsing definitely did cocaine.
Chris (33:11.127)
Severs?
Spencer (33:11.277)
Yeah, he definitely had his stash.
Luciano (33:14.754)
wheel and bullet.
Spencer (33:16.715)
Bring me my cocaine vial.
Matt (33:17.511)
Yeah.
Luciano (33:18.523)
He was always high in this movie for sure, 100 %
Chris (33:23.629)
They didn't try burning her, like they sterilized the rod.
Spencer (33:24.067)
She can't be a witch if she's dead!
Matt (33:28.71)
Yeah. If she's a witch, she'll float.
Spencer (33:29.407)
A E R
Luciano (33:31.591)
Yeah, true. Does she weigh more than a- does she weigh more than a duck? They didn't try that either.
Chris (33:33.195)
Spencer (33:36.651)
There are many, many methods.
Chris (33:37.32)
yes!
Matt (33:37.66)
Didn't try that one,
Spencer (33:42.475)
Through the
Luciano (33:43.67)
Yes. No, not just a little, not like, let me show you she doesn't feel pain. No, I'm going to like to run her through.
Matt (33:43.688)
I did like that they stabbed her through the hand to check if she was in this realm or not. Yeah, through the arm.
Spencer (33:50.571)
That wasn't a treatment, that was a demonstration.
Matt (33:53.33)
Ahem. Ahem.
Chris (33:54.72)
Yes.
Spencer (33:55.583)
Yeah
Luciano (33:57.933)
Yeah.
Matt (33:58.28)
That was a medically necessary test.
Chris (34:00.589)
It was so confusing because after they impale her forearm, he starts talking to her. Like, you didn't feel that, right?
Luciano (34:00.674)
Yeah.
Matt (34:05.734)
Yeah. Yeah.
Luciano (34:08.002)
Yeah, she's not here, but I'm gonna stab her anyway. fuck, she's here.
Chris (34:12.429)
And then I'm going to engage in conversation. I'm going to extract data. I'm going to investigate.
Matt (34:22.408)
I appreciate that, yeah, well I appreciate that in the 1800s where like medicine, we're still working on some shit, he put it, I have no idea, but he puts a giant hole in their arm, like it's not like medicine now where you just stitch it up and you can wander and heal it, it's like, hey man, like that's not a good way to.
Luciano (34:23.67)
Also shock therapy was missing.
Spencer (34:31.403)
Understatement of the year.
Luciano (34:32.718)
How did we survive as a species? How did we survive as a species is the question.
Luciano (34:45.442)
No.
Luciano (34:49.29)
And like he did, he could have poked her in up in anywhere, but she's like in the middle of the forearm where there's like veins and shit.
Spencer (34:52.809)
I like that he's like, it's just clearly a dev we think as you can see, she's in a deep trance. Arm straight through her full forearm. And it's just like, was that necessary? He's like, and now you'll see she doesn't even feel when I put it through her eye.
Matt (34:53.596)
Yeah
Luciano (35:02.126)
Ngyoink! Yeah!
Matt (35:03.037)
You
Luciano (35:12.283)
Yeah, I'm gonna scoop her eye out with a spoon and eat it. She's not gonna feel it.
Chris (35:14.251)
What would have happened if it was written that he would impale her and she reacted and like, what are you doing, you nincompoop? And then what would have unfolded afterwards?
Matt (35:29.352)
I think she stabs him in the eye with a
Luciano (35:29.426)
Nimke. Yeah, with like within her arm. Yeah. Yeah. I would have watched that. That sounds like fun. Yeah.
Matt (35:33.636)
Yeah. And he would have been fine because of all the cocaine he was ingesting. Actually, that's why they didn't give her cocaine because he had used it all. So the stores were dandruffy low.
Chris (35:35.725)
Mmm.
Chris (35:41.494)
Hmm
Luciano (35:41.849)
but it would have been cool if she did that and then like he showed up in later scenes with an eye patch.
Spencer (35:46.411)
Did they even use arsenic and mercury to treat venereal diseases?
Matt (35:47.56)
Fine. solved. We've answered this question. think that's...
Chris (35:49.474)
I would have been here.
Spencer (35:53.035)
Did they even try it?
Matt (35:55.112)
One would assume.
Luciano (35:58.126)
Yeah.
Chris (36:00.237)
What about dunking? Like dunk tanking into, like, what, baptizing, or sometimes like, literally into like a pond or a lake, like forcefully dunking her, like putting stones and then pulling her back up.
Luciano (36:04.238)
Cold water? Yeah.
Matt (36:05.287)
Baptizing?
Luciano (36:14.262)
Wasn't it? Wasn't that a thing for like hysteria? The huge hysteria? I think it was something like that, yeah.
Spencer (36:18.859)
Yeah, they haven't stared yet. Dug them in water. Are you calm? Are you calm yet? Yes, yes, I'm fine. I feel fine.
Chris (36:18.933)
something, some kind of tank if I don't know if they had access but like
Luciano (36:27.011)
Yeah, Listen, that's how it was in the 19th century.
Matt (36:32.744)
Yeah, Chris, Chris, that sounds like too modern of a medicine technique for them to use at that time. Tanks of water? Come on, get your head out of your ass.
Spencer (36:36.741)
He's a witch!
Luciano (36:39.564)
Yeah. Just drop, just tie a rock to her chest and jump in the river. That's what they would have done.
Chris (36:47.649)
And if you come back up, everything will be, yeah.
Luciano (36:50.166)
Yeah, you're not a witch.
Matt (36:51.942)
Yeah. Yeah. It's a fool for a system. Hey, we bagged on this movie a while and I do want to know what this movie got right.
Chris (37:02.157)
I'll see you guys later.
Luciano (37:02.316)
The dong, for sure.
Chris (37:05.329)
What? I know! At what point did that? I honestly, I'm so glad I didn't see that. That was, when did the dog- was that when?
Luciano (37:06.861)
The Dong.
Matt (37:07.716)
anatomically correct dongage.
Spencer (37:09.067)
Wasn't it on the boat? No, no, no, it was when Thomas first went into his sleeping room.
Luciano (37:10.018)
Yeah.
Luciano (37:15.854)
No, it was when he was feeding from Thomas, you get to see it and then he does the whole thing. That scene is disgusting.
Matt (37:16.048)
I think
Matt (37:20.284)
His bedroom? Yeah.
Chris (37:21.74)
wow.
Chris (37:26.518)
Wow.
Spencer (37:27.253)
Good times. What was the question?
Chris (37:29.399)
Wow, I'm glad I missed that. Okay. I guess okay
Luciano (37:31.394)
Yeah.
Matt (37:32.36)
I think that the... What did this movie get right? I think it really was period accurate to have all these old English actors talk in old English the entire time while in a German town. Because they did say hair knock and hair hudder and hair...
Chris (37:35.841)
What'd he get right?
Spencer (37:43.935)
Yeah, that was an odd choice.
Luciano (37:47.67)
Right. And Kraven.
Spencer (37:49.49)
and Froiline.
Luciano (37:53.154)
Yeah, with the most and frow. Yeah, with the most British accents you've ever heard. Even Craven tried to do a British accent for a while.
Spencer (37:53.843)
and frow.
Spencer (38:01.961)
What's name?
Matt (38:03.526)
He is British, he didn't try. He's English.
Chris (38:04.727)
Yeah. Yeah.
Luciano (38:05.706)
I don't know man Aaron Taylor Johnson is English? Yeah, it wouldn't have convinced me. I thought it was American
Spencer (38:07.179)
Yeah, is he British? Are you sure? Wow, that's that's weird. Like what's your.
Matt (38:09.192)
Yes. Fuck. Yeah. 100%. That's bad.
Chris (38:14.411)
Yes he is. Yes he is.
Luciano (38:17.006)
That is unfortunate. I like that. Like everybody spoke like including us, right to spoke another language, which was Romanian, which makes sense. Right. But when Nosferatu was the only one who spoke the way that he did when he spoke English. And I think they got that right. Because that was appropriate. Or sorry, that was appropriate. That's
Spencer (38:41.045)
knives. The same Romanian.
Matt (38:45.254)
Yeah, sure.
Luciano (38:47.638)
I don't actually could have learned because my whole side of the family is Romanian, but I never learned.
Spencer (38:49.141)
What do we watch, a life story?
Chris (38:53.001)
Okay.
Matt (38:53.222)
No one cares. Yeah. Boo.
Luciano (38:55.756)
Yes, I just told you my life story in a sentence.
Spencer (38:56.085)
BOOOO!
Chris (39:00.033)
This movie, in terms of what else it got right, it actually got me to really appreciate and it made me remember the awe of shadows. Like shadows, like magical shadows, mysterious shadows, really, okay. You guys can keep saying it, but I've been spared, because I did not see that, thank goodness. But like, to your point, like,
Matt (39:00.274)
Boo-urns.
Yeah.
Spencer (39:15.741)
Shadow... Shadow Puppets?
Luciano (39:15.746)
Dong shadows.
Chris (39:29.143)
to the point of shadows, in the early scenes or like the first quarter of the movie when, or rather first like 15 minutes of the movie, she calls Collect and he accepts the charges and then there's the shadow of him in the curtain. I wasn't expecting that and it felt real and I was actually like, how did they do that? And then when he finally crosses over, sure, sure. But in that moment I was just like, whoa. And then like when he crosses over finally, yes.
Matt (39:48.69)
CGI.
Spencer (39:50.603)
Ho ho!
Chris (39:56.725)
and then when he crosses over finally and then he's trying to cast out and find her exact location, shadow GPS, that was really cool. I liked it. I just liked that moment. Just the moment. Just the moment.
Spencer (39:57.417)
Damn.
Spencer (40:01.717)
Really?
Luciano (40:02.678)
I hate I hated that scene. It looked so fake. It looked so fake It looked fake What he actually projected a shadow the size of the city I see my bad
Spencer (40:04.392)
It wasn't fake.
Matt (40:10.428)
That was real Luciano.
Spencer (40:12.331)
Mm-hmm. Shadow the hedgehog.
Matt (40:14.758)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Chris (40:19.317)
It reminds me also, and also Shadow Jutsu a la Naruto.
Spencer (40:19.893)
Shadow of the Colossus.
Spencer (40:26.175)
You
Luciano (40:26.946)
God, now we're just naming things with shadow in them.
Matt (40:27.784)
We've lost it. Let's move to a more serious question. No, we're get real serious with this question, next question. It's fine, it's not that serious. But I do wanna know, Thomas, Thomas is like, I gotta get rich for my wife and our future family. Cool, I'm on board. But at what point are you just like, hey, you know what, Nasratu?
Spencer (40:28.617)
And that's what we liked about the movie.
Chris (40:29.923)
Actually... Actually! Yeah, go on.
You
Matt (40:57.852)
I'm a head out.
Luciano (40:58.958)
At what point? Let's see at the point where he arrives at some gypsy town and everybody just fucking bolts afterwards after he has some weird dream about a woman, a naked woman and a horse that has no bearing in the rest of the story. We didn't talk about that. I think that's when I would have bailed. I like, you know what? I don't need the money that much. I'll just leave.
Chris (41:00.449)
Hmm
Matt (41:01.32)
Yeah
Chris (41:12.055)
being sent.
Matt (41:14.994)
Yeah, that's fine.
Spencer (41:18.325)
I was going say, I would have bailed when it was like, you gotta go get this guy's signature. And I was going to be like, yeah, sure. Where they're like in whatever our version of Transylvania is. then it was it. they didn't change it. yeah. And then, and then I would have been like, okay, cool. It's quite true. And then I would have said, how, how far is that? And they're going to say three, three to four months there and back.
Chris (41:19.03)
Yeah.
Matt (41:20.22)
I think I... No, go ahead Spencer.
Matt (41:32.562)
They literally said Transylvania. Yeah. You didn't watch this movie? Didn't your videos tell you what the name of the country was?
Luciano (41:34.294)
Yeah, I think so.
Chris (41:35.829)
on the map. was upside down.
Chris (41:43.063)
Hahaha
Matt (41:47.208)
Six weeks.
Spencer (41:47.531)
And I've been like, you know what? I'm good. That's probably where I would have bailed. Yeah, I'll be bored. Like at this time, at this time, like that we're in now, there's a good chance I die of friggin' like exposure, yeah, or like scurvy on my way there.
Luciano (41:47.958)
six weeks.
Luciano (41:53.344)
I'm... yeah... I'll be poor. It's okay!
Matt (41:57.49)
Ha ha ha ha.
Eh.
Luciano (42:04.938)
exposure yeah
Spencer (42:07.883)
I didn't bring oranges, okay?
Matt (42:08.904)
You're wrong. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. Up until the point where the- I guess there are horses for that carriage, but that carriage just shows up across the road. It just like appears out of nowhere and there's like no driver or anything. I'd be like, mmm.
Luciano (42:10.072)
It's curvy. It's going by C.
Chris (42:12.342)
You
Spencer (42:22.26)
Yeah.
Chris (42:26.123)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But at that, yes, yes, yes. But it was too, he wasn't committed. He was entranced at that point and it was too late. So I agree that when he was at the inn and he lost his horse and then everybody dipped, like that would have been like, gosh.
Spencer (42:28.513)
Ass
Matt (42:32.424)
I'm gonna go die in this forest. No, you're not that committed.
Luciano (42:33.07)
But you're committed at that point, you're so close.
Luciano (42:48.138)
It's so weird, right? It's like, why did everybody leave?
Matt (42:49.736)
They stole his horse, which is fair. I don't believe that he was entranced. I think he was entranced by money. But I would be like, no, I'm good. This is the-
Chris (42:51.658)
I'd like
Luciano (42:57.75)
Yeah, 100%.
Chris (43:01.392)
Was he on the verge of collapsing because he was trying to accomplish the last leg of the journey?
Matt (43:07.78)
Not at that point when the horse showed up, he just was far.
Luciano (43:09.454)
So I have to say though, the last possible point where it would have been logical for him to dip was when Nosferatu presents him with a giant scroll full of gibberish and says, it's my ancestor's language. And he goes, I'm going to sign this. I don't have to read it. I trust you.
Chris (43:10.349)
He looked out of it to me, but okay.
Spencer (43:26.505)
He hesitated.
Chris (43:29.613)
I would have forged a signature. would have written his boss's signature and then I don't believe it like...
Matt (43:32.316)
He thought about it. Yeah.
Spencer (43:32.715)
He'd like, wait, your name is Ronald McDonald? Yes! Yeah...
Luciano (43:42.798)
Yes, yes, I will have a legacy. You just watch.
Matt (43:42.828)
Hehehehehe
Chris (43:42.989)
He's like, yes, my lord. Yes, my lord.
Yes, yes, yes sir.
Spencer (43:50.405)
Ronald, Ronald Von Hitler McDonald
Matt (43:52.432)
He's German, it's Ronald Von McDonald. Thank you very much.
Chris (43:54.622)
You know.
Luciano (43:54.837)
Hahaha!
Matt (43:57.608)
Too far. No, I think we've, we, just had to stop here and move on.
Chris (43:58.334)
You know, boy.
Luciano (43:58.397)
no.
Matt (44:09.712)
Nasratu, why doesn't he have cooler powers? Because he has the ability to be outside of his coffin as we saw in the boat. I'm sure. Yeah, well, it is a power in the sense that he like the thing was sealed and how did he get out of here? Right? I don't know. But what else does he, what other powers does he even pull off? Like he...
Spencer (44:16.255)
Is that a power?
Luciano (44:21.474)
He has the ability of being a corpse.
Spencer (44:31.591)
I seem to
Shadow control. Does he like do something to someone with a shadow at point? Is that a different movie I'm thinking of?
Luciano (44:35.66)
He has a shadow hand? He has a shadow hand?
Chris (44:35.981)
Shadows.
Chris (44:40.045)
Shadow Jutsu.
Matt (44:43.95)
No, not that I saw. Yes.
Chris (44:44.237)
I wish if he did that would have been dope Yeah, and you're thinking of Naruto anyways, yes It's okay, Nimble yeah, yeah help us Oh
Spencer (44:47.403)
God damn it. I don't like it, but it's right.
Matt (44:51.112)
Every time.
Luciano (44:54.734)
I'm gonna a good shot!
Spencer (44:59.115)
He teleports, it seems. Remember, he's like talking on one side and then he's like on the other side of him. But he just does it to talk cool-ly.
Luciano (45:00.248)
Yeah.
Luciano (45:06.286)
That's true, yeah. Yep, he just appears in places.
Chris (45:10.669)
Mm.
Matt (45:10.684)
and it can fly?
Luciano (45:13.314)
He also has a fucking robotnik ass mustache as a power.
Chris (45:14.861)
See you.
Spencer (45:15.467)
This is for mustache rides.
Matt (45:18.118)
He does. Well.
Spencer (45:19.763)
I thought his drip was pretty cool.
Chris (45:19.841)
dusty ass clothes, like he's got no drip whatsoever.
Luciano (45:23.764)
No, no, no. Zero Riz.
Matt (45:23.944)
No, so that's not no no zero res. He's been wearing that shit since like the 1700s.
Luciano (45:29.975)
What? No,
Spencer (45:30.281)
I can smell that jacket.
Luciano (45:34.684)
Hahaha!
Spencer (45:35.059)
It smells like mothballs. What other powers does he have?
Matt (45:37.456)
Yeah, you can.
Luciano (45:38.303)
Yes, yes!
Chris (45:42.445)
His power is also the power of being decrepit.
Spencer (45:43.583)
That's- those are powers!
Luciano (45:47.214)
Yeah, as far as I had the power of being a corpse.
Spencer (45:48.136)
I have that power.
Matt (45:49.0)
Is that a power? mean, can he fly? Did he show up?
Chris (45:49.535)
Okay. Well, he...
Luciano (45:53.838)
has the power of having really long hands too?
Matt (45:57.554)
Did he show up to Ellen's house on the second floor or did he knock on the door and come in?
Chris (45:57.591)
Mm-mm.
Spencer (46:02.857)
He comes in through the window. You see his silhouette through the window at one point. So I think he can fly.
Chris (46:05.547)
And what's the deal with that? What's the deal with that?
Luciano (46:06.454)
No, he just teleported in. He teleported in. Yeah. He doesn't have the hole you have to be invited in for sure.
Chris (46:10.943)
Mm-hmm. He's all over the place. Mm-hmm.
Matt (46:11.494)
Yeah, so he can fly.
Spencer (46:14.143)
He has psychic, obviously psychic powers.
Chris (46:16.819)
I guess not. Okay. That was a question.
Spencer (46:18.709)
It makes people go crazy.
Matt (46:21.448)
Sure.
Chris (46:22.711)
powers of suggestion and so on.
Matt (46:24.422)
Yeah. Yeah. That's how he controlled knock and made them do weird shit.
Spencer (46:25.309)
Yeah. And that's how he like communicates with.
Chris (46:28.365)
Craven and don't get up.
Matt (46:31.43)
I think Craven went crazy on his own. Yeah.
Luciano (46:33.516)
Yes.
Chris (46:33.718)
Do you? Because he was sleeping with the gun and he's like, you will not wake up. And that was it.
Spencer (46:33.835)
He's like, he's like, oh no
Luciano (46:37.206)
Well, but like, listen, Craven was the only normal person in this and that's saying something.
Matt (46:37.519)
that's fair.
Spencer (46:39.167)
I just imagine Thomas being like, no! Das Varanthu made my friend go crazy and banged his dead wife! And he's like, I did it! It was me!
Matt (46:42.267)
It's fair.
Luciano (46:50.382)
It was all me!
Chris (46:58.221)
you
Matt (46:59.112)
Yeah, so you're right. He had the power suggestion. And he could maybe fly. But like... Well, I asked why he didn't have cooler powers, but we haven't got there yet.
Spencer (47:00.629)
So what's his best power or worst power?
Chris (47:05.427)
I know it is.
Spencer (47:06.286)
Luciano (47:06.606)
Why doesn't he have cooler powers?
Chris (47:11.607)
Well, because we're not going to get there. his other power is the power of tele-networking. Or I should say VoIP, because this is how he was able to pick up Ellen's early call and accept said charges.
Matt (47:25.584)
I really like how I asked why I have cooler powers and you're like, nope, we're not talking about that. We're going to talk about this thing. I want to talk about that's this real superpower.
Spencer (47:27.583)
Well, I mean, I don't know about you guys, I thought he was pretty OP. Like he was never really threatened by anything or anyone through the entire movie.
Chris (47:33.289)
You're welcome.
Luciano (47:34.606)
you
Chris (47:36.875)
I'm here for you. I do it with love.
Luciano (47:42.878)
yeah that's true but i don't know if that's because he was op or because everybody else was shit like it's not necessarily because he was very powerful because who did he have going against him he had fucking severs thomas who's
Chris (47:43.583)
No one, no one shot him.
Spencer (47:53.099)
Thomas.
Matt (47:56.882)
Thomas? Yeah. Seabrook, I can't even say Seabrook ever went against him. Seabrook was lost. He had no idea.
Chris (47:59.533)
The
Luciano (48:04.308)
He was just going with this teacher, right? Basically. And then you had William von Daffel Helsing, who was just in it for the fun. Let's, let's be honest here. He was just running around for the fun.
Chris (48:06.754)
Yeah.
Matt (48:06.759)
Yeah.
Chris (48:12.427)
And then you...
Chris (48:16.941)
And then there's also the crew on the ship. Like the one guy's like, I'm putting an end to this. then Orlok got the jump on him. That's his only ability. He's like, what is it? Misdirection and getting the jump on people, period.
Spencer (48:26.283)
Thomas tried, didn't Thomas try to stab him in his crypt?
Spencer (48:32.265)
And he was pretty... Yeah.
Luciano (48:33.23)
He woke up and grabbed the thing. Yeah. Yes.
Chris (48:33.921)
That, yeah, that-
Matt (48:34.92)
Twice. Once in Transylvania and he woke up and beat, he basically beat the shit out of Thomas and Thomas ran away and then he tried to do it in Weisberg, but that's when he stabbed the Lord of the Rats.
Luciano (48:46.798)
Yeah, that's that's when he woke up and fucking knock was larping his nose for us. Hey, what are you doing? Yeah.
Spencer (48:49.099)
Yeah
Chris (48:53.837)
Hahaha
I'm in character.
Matt (48:59.068)
Let me ask you a different question because I'm curious about this one.
Luciano (49:00.398)
I'm in character!
Matt (49:05.049)
What I'm confused about the term. The term House Rata uses, must, she must come of her own free will. And what does that legally mean in the 1800s? Because he says it and then he proceeds to blackmail and torture her to get her to come. It doesn't feel.
Chris (49:08.407)
Me too.
Luciano (49:08.876)
Yes.
Spencer (49:13.225)
Damn right she must.
Luciano (49:17.07)
Hmm
Spencer (49:26.773)
Don't forget threatening!
Matt (49:32.316)
Well he just threatened her. Just a little bit. so if that's true, she is coerced, doesn't that make whatever covenant they have of coming at her own free will null and void?
Luciano (49:32.46)
Are you saying she was coerced? Is that what you're saying?
Luciano (49:48.172)
Yeah, maybe that's why he died.
Spencer (49:48.895)
think at the time, saying a woman must choose of her own free will was kind of like ironic. It's kind of like a like a joke. Like.
Matt (49:50.734)
Also
Luciano (49:53.678)
You
Luciano (49:58.41)
Is asking her husband?
Yeah.
Matt (50:01.85)
Okay.
Luciano (50:04.814)
That's what was written. It was written in the... It's just Vom Frans didn't know the equivalent in Romanian for LOL.
Matt (50:05.884)
You must come of her own free will.
Spencer (50:06.315)
L-L-Lol lol
Spencer (50:15.453)
Yeah, lol could you imagine? Women having rights?
Matt (50:17.896)
Yeah.
Luciano (50:22.592)
Yeah. Yeah.
Matt (50:22.977)
L-A-M-F-A-O. Women's rights.
Spencer (50:23.337)
Women's rights, lol, can you believe that? I'm with Elon. Yeah. Big Tate fan.
Luciano (50:32.514)
You want a woman, do you want the woman to come on her own free will? Ask her husband! Yeah. Which he did, let's be honest, he did. He bought her from the husband, so by that point, yeah.
Spencer (50:41.567)
Yeah, that was her free will. Him selling her was her free will.
Matt (50:46.034)
Yeah.
So that was it. Once he did that, then he could just threaten her because the free will was already gone. That's what we're going with. Okay.
Spencer (50:49.483)
Yeah.
Women's free will at the time was much like Santa Claus. No one really believed in it.
Luciano (50:53.356)
Yeah, that's a good, there we go.
Matt (51:00.208)
What? Jesus Christ.
Luciano (51:03.208)
Why? Okay.
Chris (51:06.518)
But... But...
Matt (51:07.834)
I say, save us, Chris.
Luciano (51:11.278)
It was like women's free will was like Santa Claus. All right, fine.
Chris (51:11.511)
But...
Spencer (51:13.707)
You
Chris (51:14.049)
But!
Matt (51:16.306)
I said save us Chris, not save us Luciano.
Chris (51:17.111)
I WILL BE THE GOLDEN CHILD OF THIS MOMENT!
Luciano (51:41.262)
Yeah, that's true. That's true.
Chris (51:46.241)
You're dying, you got nothing. He's like, I shall terrorize you. She's like, still, fuck you. I was, and I was, it's actually, I take back what I said. That was the moment, the most get up out of my seat moment and favorite moment of the movie. Cause everything was so blurry and all over the place until that moment. Cause like, I was like, fuck you Orlok. Nothing is making sense except for this moment.
Matt (52:12.904)
Chris, did you enjoy when Orlok was like, fuck me, fuck you, I'mma eat your friend's kid, eat your friend, make your friend.
Spencer (52:16.511)
Better hide your kids, hide your wife.
Chris (52:19.34)
No.
Luciano (52:20.078)
Gotta throw some I'm gonna have I'm gonna have some rats thrown on your friend and then your friend's husband's gonna fuck her after she's dead. Yeah
Chris (52:23.656)
haha
Chris (52:29.261)
She stood up for herself and I absolutely loved that part. I loved it. I didn't like what followed, like after everything that had taken place, I was like, yeah, it was hilarious and powerful. Yeah. He's like, shwoomp, shwoomp.
Spencer (52:29.737)
Yeah, I like that too.
Luciano (52:38.304)
It was funny though. He's he sold me to you. Who gives a shit? FILED!
Spencer (52:41.419)
My great plan!
My plan was five years in the making.
Matt (52:48.37)
We so.
We've been beating around, we've been beating around the bush on this and we really got to tackle it. What is the deal with Ellen?
Chris (52:53.677)
What am I gonna do about my deed?
Spencer (53:00.299)
You're supposed to do your Jerry Seinfeld over top of that. You fool!
Luciano (53:02.187)
What is the deal? Yeah.
Chris (53:02.252)
forehead width?
Well.
Luciano (53:10.072)
The eyes gonna see the whole thing
Matt (53:13.832)
You can answer the question, anybody.
Luciano (53:15.02)
Yeah. No, it's fine.
Chris (53:19.349)
It is true. Yeah.
Matt (53:20.168)
I feel like it should be left to you or Luciano for some reason.
Spencer (53:21.237)
What's the deal with racist anti-semitic mad?
Luciano (53:25.27)
Wait, what?
Spencer (53:33.523)
I mean, that's tasteful.
Luciano (53:33.706)
Only you Jews can do impressions of each other, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Yeah, okay. What's the deal with Helen? that the question? Yeah.
Spencer (53:42.005)
Well, Ellen is like a less crazy Ellen DeGeneres.
Matt (53:43.558)
Yeah, that's what the question was.
Spencer (53:47.165)
Ellen DeGeneres Byrne.
Luciano (53:49.994)
Okay, I'm here for it.
Matt (53:50.28)
I don't think that works. Try again. Try again. again. Ellen DeGeneres burned herself by being a real piece of shit. So try again.
Spencer (53:51.851)
Yeah. Yeah, she's a nicer Ellen than Ellen DeGeneres.
Chris (53:54.327)
Burn Ellen DeGeneres?
Chris (54:03.755)
Okay, so, Ellen supposedly has some affinity and a very deep connection to mysticism and the occult. And, okay, cool.
Spencer (54:12.075)
She's got ESP.
Matt (54:13.904)
The occult. Yeah.
Hey, it's not your turn.
Chris (54:20.449)
But...
they paint her or the movie paints her, the story paints her as just afflicted. From the beginning of the movie, it made it seem to me like she was always enthralled, I think that's the right term, enthralled by Orlok Dracula or whatever. But then we learn, thanks to Von Defoe Helsing, that she has the ability of her own.
To me, that was wildly fascinating. to your point, what's the deal? Yeah.
Luciano (54:50.606)
The ability of being stabbed in the arm and not feeling anything.
Spencer (54:52.907)
Yeah. Good for walking into the chat. Yeah.
Chris (54:58.714)
Yeah! Yeah!
Luciano (54:59.146)
Yeah! Oh, here you go! Nothing to do with this question, but that was something missing in this movie and was Kristen Furlock in this movie. It would have been perfect.
Spencer (55:08.309)
He would have fit. Well, I think what you're saying, Chris, is the theme of the movie, which is like, again, it's like at the time, like women had no agency, right? They had no like, know, Matt, don't you nod your head at me.
Chris (55:10.381)
Yeah, it would.
Luciano (55:13.846)
Yeah, well, yeah.
Chris (55:25.996)
Yes.
Luciano (55:28.75)
I already I was already nodding my head when Chris started answering it. Is that supposed to be serious you pisses of shit
Spencer (55:32.369)
I, we could mix it up.
Chris (55:38.645)
I'll let's let's tag team it so all I saying is that they set her up this way and then unfolds that way and the deal with her is flip floppy but what I would also say is that my my my my craving for foreseeing her my I was craving I had a craving for more craving of her
Spencer (55:52.937)
You're craving?
Luciano (55:56.142)
Craven? You're craven? You're craven?
Chris (56:04.659)
leveraging more of her abilities as opposed to it just felt like choices it all just felt like it was boiling down to the power of choice as opposed to seeing her abilities unfold. I was hopeful for that.
Luciano (56:16.034)
Matt, Matt save us.
he's muted.
Matt (56:21.23)
No, you fuckers deserve to burn in hell and I hope you die.
Spencer (56:21.481)
What's the deal with Ellen? She's fucking got powers, but she can't control them until the end of the movie and then boom. And you know what her power was? The power to bang.
Matt (56:34.546)
Great, great answer, Spencer. Unrelated to that, unrelated to everything you're talking about. Now, unrelated, we're just gonna move on off to a different question that I wanna talk about. And that question is, what would Dr. William Van Helsingte Foe be doing in modern times?
Luciano (56:35.444)
my lord.
Chris (56:50.391)
Brought to you by our sponsor.
Luciano (56:58.23)
Ooh, she would...
Spencer (56:59.723)
That's still the same thing. Exactly. No difference. I mean, they still haven't found it. That's true.
Chris (57:00.203)
He be seeking the Necronomicon.
Luciano (57:03.254)
I don't know what, what? He was doing that already.
Matt (57:09.352)
And he didn't find it, so he's still looking. I think that's a fair answer.
Chris (57:12.907)
But do you know where he would be looking?
Luciano (57:14.624)
I think he would have a program called Infowars. I think that's what he would have nowadays. Yeah, exactly.
Matt (57:15.505)
Up your butt.
Spencer (57:16.671)
yeah.
Matt (57:20.944)
Wow, why you gotta put that on him?
Spencer (57:21.471)
THE DURANTHEFROG'S GAY!
Chris (57:24.071)
I don't even know what that is. I'm gonna have to side google it.
Spencer (57:25.855)
Let me tell you something about this. These ghosts from real time, I wanted to do a Dracula. They called him Not-Fur-A-Thoo. I could put a stake through a woman's arm. It's all big lizard people are making Dracula's.
Luciano (57:39.086)
It's all crisis actors!
Spencer (57:42.149)
They're all crisis actors. And it was an inside job just so you have the fucking, they could get Christopher Lloyd to bang some chick. Cause that's what the old, old, that's what he looked like.
Chris (57:56.173)
How dare you!
Luciano (57:56.814)
Christopher Lloyd? What? What did Doc Brown do to you?
Matt (57:57.394)
Christopher Lloyd?
Chris (58:04.813)
Oh my god. No! Not Mr. Lloyd! Not sweet Mr. Lloyd! No! No! Beloved! No. Okay.
Spencer (58:07.051)
To legend Christopher Lloyd, world renowned, most loved character actor Christopher Lloyd.
Luciano (58:08.443)
splash damage for no reason.
Matt (58:12.466)
Duck round.
Spencer (58:25.683)
Interdimensional... Interdimensional Aliens!
Matt (58:26.12)
This is my fault. I'm asking a different question again because I can't be here.
Chris (58:29.397)
Help!
Spencer (58:30.835)
or taking our favorite actors from 1980s movies and making them have sex.
Chris (58:37.783)
Can't be stopped! no!
Matt (58:39.432)
Prince of Rats. Now, the Prince of Rats. here. Who? What is the Prince of not... Heron Nock was like, I was to be the Prince of Rats. But who Prince of Rats? What Prince of Rats? Why Prince of Rats? How Prince of Rats? When Prince of Rats? What? Prince of Rats? God damn it.
Luciano (58:42.574)
That's so random.
Spencer (58:54.399)
Let me tell you about the Prince Rats. The globalist elites! Don't want you to know! I know, I know! yeah! It's me! William the Fool Alex Jones! Let me tell you something!
Chris (58:56.149)
Mm-hmm. Mm.
Thank
Luciano (59:00.586)
no.
Matt (59:04.456)
You just sound like Macho
Chris (59:05.101)
This makes sense
Luciano (59:06.515)
Yeah you do! yeah!
Alex Jones!
Matt (59:18.024)
Hell yeah, brother!
Luciano (59:18.83)
Now it's Hulk Hogan on top of everything else.
Chris (59:23.349)
CREEEE EEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E
Spencer (59:31.819)
The Prince of the Rats, Sorry.
Matt (59:36.68)
You know what? You know what? Let's just eject. No, Spencer, why don't you give me your review of this movie? We're out of here.
Spencer (59:39.851)
Yeah.
Luciano (59:40.526)
Prince of Rats.
Chris (59:44.065)
Run with it.
Spencer (59:45.093)
No, no, no, no, no,
Luciano (59:48.898)
He came up with bro beating him.
Spencer (59:50.603)
Let me tell you brother!
Matt (59:54.44)
I
Chris (59:59.095)
The only way, the only way out is through. Go through.
Spencer (59:59.519)
Matt, I apologize. I yield.
Luciano (59:59.918)
Uhhh
Spencer (01:00:03.883)
You want me to give... Oh really? I thought you were joking. Okay. No, alright. I broke the podcast.
Matt (01:00:05.768)
Answer the fucking question, what was your view of this movie? Yeah, we're past it now.
Luciano (01:00:07.607)
Yeah.
Yeah!
Chris (01:00:12.717)
He gave up!
Luciano (01:00:13.358)
Hahaha!
Spencer (01:00:15.111)
Okay, this may be a divisive or divisive. but I did not hate this movie as much as my comrades. mother Russia's, the comrad's, I, yeah, I this movie was pretty, was pretty good. Like, I, like I said, if I'm being honest, the, I really liked the first, the beginning.
Matt (01:00:15.75)
I'm a professional. I segue at the perfect time. Only.
Luciano (01:00:20.654)
Schrodinger segue.
Chris (01:00:21.143)
Hat to Mali's.
Matt (01:00:26.536)
I hate it.
Matt (01:00:32.476)
Don't use that word.
Luciano (01:00:32.654)
Come Reds.
Spencer (01:00:43.465)
And I thought the ending was interesting and like unique, weirdly like beautiful in a weird way, but also horrifying. But the middle dragged a lot. So the middle I like was like kind of in and out of it in terms of like interest. So I'm to give this movie. A B because it's way too well made. To be deserve any lower, it is such a well made movie. Fuck you.
Chris (01:00:58.913)
Yeah.
Luciano (01:01:08.34)
my god.
Matt (01:01:14.492)
Let's, let's ask someone else who definitely doesn't have a dissenting opinion. Luciano.
Luciano (01:01:21.28)
What I I was very disappointed by this movie I expected from reading about it. I didn't read reviews per se but I read about it it's really scary and I was like, okay Let's see if it's a proper because I know the original movie at the time with literally a hundred years ago Was actually well received but I thought maybe they made it, know into an actual scary movie and I was mostly bewildered
And at the end just underwhelmed by the whole thing. I think I agree with Spencer. It's very pretty. The stylization of it is very good, but I think it's to the detriment of the movie because it felt like Roger Baconator, whatever his name is. He focused too much on how it looked and he gave it, like it was pretty, but no substance in my opinion. Alan? Yes.
Spencer (01:02:13.503)
Just like you Luciano.
you
Luciano (01:02:20.078)
Pretty, but no substance. But I thought like the acting, Alan's character, I don't know if it was her fault or not, but it was all over the place. I could not connect to the character. I didn't understand anything she was doing. Like, it was nonsensical. once I saw the robotnik mustache, I lost all respect for our luck too.
Spencer (01:02:21.077)
You
Chris (01:02:23.393)
Bitch, you leave him alone.
Luciano (01:02:47.982)
It's a very, like I'm going to be very kind and give it a D. That's it for me.
Spencer (01:02:53.311)
He had a mustache because Vlad the Impaler had a mustache, you fuck.
Luciano (01:02:55.331)
Yeah.
Matt (01:02:56.808)
Chris.
Luciano (01:02:59.414)
Hahaha
Spencer (01:03:01.803)
you
Luciano (01:03:03.246)
Didn't have to look like Robotnik.
Chris?
Chris (01:03:10.359)
Yes. This movie broke our podcast. No, no, no, no. We watched this movie and I showed up last week. I showed up last week to empty, tumbleweeds of like my fellow castmates were not to be found. And then I looked at our chat, our podcast chat, and everyone was stupefied.
Luciano (01:03:15.126)
it was broken before.
Chris (01:03:39.369)
I was stupefied too. like they were, and the takeaway was like, guys, don't read it. Let's skip this week and come back to it. And you know what? That's what this movie does to you. It discombobulates you. This review, my review of this movie is just a reflection of the confusion and the mystical powers of one Orlok. And there's a question we never asked, but here's the answer.
Chris (01:04:10.615)
Forget it.
Luciano (01:04:11.786)
What the fuck was that?
Chris (01:04:13.121)
Forget it. Forget this movie. Forget this movie ever existed. Don't let it usurp your time, your energy. Hide your wife, hide your kids. And I literally looked up the daddy's menu to get a sense of why this, this, this, this, can't shake this, this visage of Orlok and his character design when he's naked. Every time he was naked, he looked to me like he was like a burnt piece of bacon.
Spencer (01:04:34.283)
Every time he was naked, it seemed to me like was a burnt piece of bacon in a dentist's back kitchen that fell on the ground, got hair on it, and was thrown on someone's plate. That's what this...
Chris (01:04:42.975)
in a Denny's back kitchen that fell on the ground, got hair on it, and it was thrown on someone's plate. That's what this movie was. This movie was an
Spencer (01:04:48.623)
What? You guys are so...
Luciano (01:04:53.708)
Yeah, like this is okay. This is the most Chris review I've ever heard, but okay.
Spencer (01:04:58.301)
handsome.
Matt (01:05:00.317)
Hey man.
Everyone's allowed to their opinion.
Chris (01:05:04.493)
Way to bring it back. That's team spirit. That's team spirit. Yes and.
Luciano (01:05:05.484)
Nice, nice save.
Matt (01:05:07.866)
And I appreciate your positivity. I think legally Robert Eggers should be allowed to make movies.
I don't I watched two or three of them or two at least the Northman and this one I Don't hate his movies. I just come out of them not knowing how to feel Stylistically, they're beautiful. They're always gorgeous Everything they do around the movie is very pretty but he's just like weirdly horny and and
Luciano (01:05:44.685)
Yeah.
Matt (01:05:47.888)
like the point of his story, I cannot capture the point of his stories. I don't know what it is, I can't figure it out. So kudos to the people who can or they watch the cover or the videos to tell them what's going on. I don't know, I'm not gonna watch another video. If I can't figure it out, I'm not interested. And so I say all this to be like, it's not a bad film, it's just not for me. And so I would give it a C.
Spencer (01:05:57.227)
I'll be sending you those links.
Matt (01:06:14.608)
I'm sure someone can find something in it. It's a well-made film. It's just... I'm confused. And I don't know why I'm here, still.
Spencer (01:06:19.787)
Goodbye.
Luciano (01:06:22.862)
Hahaha
Maybe Chris is right. Maybe he did break the podcast.
Matt (01:06:28.456)
Maybe it did. We're gonna bounce back because we have decided to go from a very popular film that a lot of people watched in, you know, 2024 and 2025. We got back in time 10 years to watch a fan-made film only available on YouTube. It is Street Fighter. What is it, Chris? Rise of the Cauldron? Assassin's Fist.
Chris (01:06:29.419)
We will, but we're gonna bounce back. Rise from the ashes.
Spencer (01:06:48.341)
Yes.
Chris (01:06:52.139)
assassin's fist.
Luciano (01:06:52.942)
Tongue of fury. Tongue of fury.
Matt (01:06:57.32)
It is Street Fighter Rise of the Assassin. is the actual title. I'm sorry. God damn it. This is why you all can't talk. Street Fighter Assassin's Fist. is technically a mini series, but there is a full, like a, they're all connected to make a movie about two and a half hours long that we're going to watch and cover. And hopefully we'll still do podcasts after that.
Luciano (01:07:03.564)
No, Assassin's Fist. Assassin's Fist.
Chris (01:07:04.653)
Assassin's Fist. It's okay.
Chris (01:07:17.73)
Yeah.
Chris (01:07:25.741)
gonna say it it's good this is gonna bring us back I have a feeling from this it's gonna bring us back from this
Matt (01:07:28.124)
and
Luciano (01:07:30.222)
Yeah, but also we just have the last five minutes that you were talking as, you know, examples of things that you think.
Matt (01:07:40.782)
Wow. Luciano, you talk. You talk from a position of like you have good taste and well, and while you might be handsome, you had some pics of very shitty movies, so.
Chris (01:07:42.984)
You were supposed to say handsome, this is what happened.
Luciano (01:07:49.89)
But I picked this movie. I didn't know about it.
Luciano (01:07:56.023)
yeah, I'm not, I'm saying it takes one to know it.
Spencer (01:07:56.907)
How did Lucy, how did Lucy describe this movie? Looks good, but lacks substance. Still tracks.
Matt (01:07:58.694)
Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks and nuclear weapons.
Luciano (01:08:06.754)
What? Yes, just like me.
Matt (01:08:11.495)
Looks good, feels good.
Luciano (01:08:14.414)
It doesn't feel good.
Matt (01:08:16.424)
Street Fighter Assassin's Fist. Watch it. Love it. Get hadukened.
Chris (01:08:24.205)
Byeeee
Spencer (01:08:24.813)
Bye!
Matt (01:08:25.991)
Bye.
